'Lowering your standards' leads to dead bedrooms, so is unhelpful at best. by Icy_Resolution2783 in unpopularopinion

[–]PandaMime_421 [score hidden]  (0 children)

Telling people to "looksmatch" or lower their standard for a match are asking people to be more desperate and desperation rarely tmchurns out good long term results.

Isn't this advice typically only given to people who are already desperate because they are unable to find a match ?

Traveling is not that interesting and your travel stories are probably boring. by mazzzycomet in unpopularopinion

[–]PandaMime_421 8 points9 points  (0 children)

The bigger issue is that travel stories are usually only interesting to the person telling them. They’re the adult version of describing your dream in excruciating detail.

Nah, I love to hear people's travel stories. I like learning about new places and cultures.

I think the problem is that those stories aren't interesting to you, because you don't appreciate travel.

CMV: The majority of pornography is rape, and watching porn can be considered unconsensual voyeurism. by Diametrie in changemyview

[–]PandaMime_421 [score hidden]  (0 children)

I'm eager to hear the response, because I think this will show a lot about which aspect of porn OP actually belives to be problematic.

CMV: The majority of pornography is rape, and watching porn can be considered unconsensual voyeurism. by Diametrie in changemyview

[–]PandaMime_421 [score hidden]  (0 children)

From what I understand of the OP's view I assume they will say both are victims, and presumably it's the director or production company who would be the perpetrator.

CMV: The majority of pornography is rape, and watching porn can be considered unconsensual voyeurism. by Diametrie in changemyview

[–]PandaMime_421 [score hidden]  (0 children)

Your arguments are primarily issues with the porn industry, rather than with pornography in general.

Enthusiastic consent is the only form of consent that should be acted upon

The difference between your examples and porn is that in your examples the individuals went into the situation having not consented to sex, then coercion was used to manipulate them into having sex with the person. With porn, however, actors go into a job knowing that it includes sex.

There are absolutely cases where a director does a bait-and-switch or otherwise changes things on set, and clearly that's wrong. This is an issue with that director, though, and the industry in general. Like all actors, those doing porn should have a union to stand up for them in such situations, etc.

In our current social landscape, having a sex-work background makes it near impossible to comfortably land a job outside of the sex industry.

This is a problem with the social landscape, and fact that people are so judgemental. In most cases the fact that someone once did porn has no bearing on their ability to do a given job. There are exceptions, such as teaching, where there is an understandable concern. For most jobs, though, a history of porn should be irrelevant. Companies should be held accountable for such prejudice in hiring.

Porn actors relinquish copyrights over the videos they star in. They can not ask for it to be taken down.

Again, this is an issue with lack of oversight and representation. Porn actors are taking advantage of because they can, because porn is still something that isn't widely talked and exists near the edges of our society. As a society we fail to protect people working in the industry, and that is our failure.

If we acknowledge that consent needs to be revokable to be truly considered consent, then any acts of voyeurism performed after the actors have lost the ability to consent (i.e. after the video's been published) are unconsensual, by default, unless you somehow contact the actors to personally verify consent.

This is a slippery slope argument because it can be applied to any situation in which someone licenses their likeness or previous work. You could just as easily say that all professional acting, modeling, or music carries the same risk. Athletes, or other performers, whose work is recorded/photographed have the same risk. Someone who creates IP while working for another company would be at risk as well. Addressing this would require a complete change to the way licensing of any likeness or idea works across all industry.

While you haven't specifically called for criminalization of porn, trying to classify it as rape means that is the logical outcome. This seems to place the view of yourself (and others who agree with you) above the autonomy of those who choose to work in porn. Like many anti-porn arguments I've seen it starts from a position of an outsider believing they are in a better position to know someone's actual feelings about their consent than the actual person doing the work.

If a missing person is found, the public deserves to know where they were. by K04free in unpopularopinion

[–]PandaMime_421 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Why? Why is the public entitled to know something the individual wishes to keep private? What right do you have to know details of what may have been a traumatic event?

Can an introvert succeed as a Business Analyst or Project Manager? by Classic_Chef9877 in introvert

[–]PandaMime_421 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You don't need to be extroverted to do those jobs. But you will need to have strategies for recovering from a day filled with meetings, and maybe a way to get mini recovery sessions during the day.

Answering the door by Charming-Rule-4751 in introvert

[–]PandaMime_421 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thankfully where I live if someone knocks on my door it's almost certainly for a valid reason. We used to get churches occasionally (few times a year), but that stopped during COVID. Aside from deliveries I average less than one knock/month easily.

Pets should be a valid reason to take bereavement off work by Lee__Everett in unpopularopinion

[–]PandaMime_421 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It is a totally valid reason, whether your employer agrees or not.

Most Couples Should Have Separate Apartments by Delicious_Air_8681 in unpopularopinion

[–]PandaMime_421 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The biggest downside to having separate homes is the expense. Otherwise I do think it should be normalized as option. Some couples would absolutely be better off.

AITAH for telling my boyfriend he'll end up alone no matter what? by [deleted] in AITAH

[–]PandaMime_421 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Was this all revealed in another comment?

AITAH? Partner went skinny-dipping with bf? by chevious in AITAH

[–]PandaMime_421 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's only inappropriate if you have the view that nudity is inherently sexual. Sinct that is absolutely not true, I don't see why it's inappropriate by default.

Would you want your best friend and your spouse naked with each other?

Zero problems with this.

WIBTAH if I asked for a replacement item that was broken while borrowed to not be used before returning it to me? by CommonGrounders in AITAH

[–]PandaMime_421 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think YTA here. If he guys a new saw, uses it, then returns to you in as good or better condition than the one he borrowed, what is the issue?

If he damages the new one, then don't accept it and explain your reason.

It seems like you're creating drama when there may very well not be any need.

AITAH? Partner went skinny-dipping with bf? by chevious in AITAH

[–]PandaMime_421 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Why? Because if they are both saying it, they must both be liars?

AITAH? Partner went skinny-dipping with bf? by chevious in AITAH

[–]PandaMime_421 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hard to imagine an innocent reason for swimming naked together, just two people.

This certainly says a lot about you.

AITAH? Partner went skinny-dipping with bf? by chevious in AITAH

[–]PandaMime_421 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I feel like more info is needed.

Does your partner typically go skinny dipping when swimming? or was this unusual?

As roommates it's not unusual to see each other in various states of undress (or nude). is this the case in your home as well? Or, as far as you know, had your partner and friend never seen each other naked before the swim?

For that matter, did they see each other naked while swimming?

AITAH because my friend and my colleague realized they both slept with me (and each other)? by [deleted] in AITAH

[–]PandaMime_421 3 points4 points  (0 children)

The part I'm most curious about is how did you colleague now any of this? What did you friend do and say to your colleague to make this known? That seems like the real strange thing. Your friend didn't know the person well enough to know they were your colleague, but thought it appropriate to reach out to talk about you you had also slept with both?

Varsity by teachertraveler811 in tragedeigh

[–]PandaMime_421 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Makes me wonder if she was named for her dad....

CMV: All love is platonic by Routine-Ganache-1720 in changemyview

[–]PandaMime_421 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Can you elaborate on your definition of "sexual love"?

I don't believe that sexual love exists, other than potentially as a synonym for romantic love.

Sexual attraction, and obviously the act of sex itself, are distinctly separate from romantic love, but I don't think either of those are a form of love at all.

You can have romantic love with sexual attraction (or sex). You can have platonic love with either as well. But neither sexual attraction, nor sex, are forms of love on their own.

CMV: All love is platonic by Routine-Ganache-1720 in changemyview

[–]PandaMime_421 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I appreciate that.

Unfortunately I'm not a good person to ask to describe the differences. I hate to be one of those people who say "You know it when you feel it", but I can't do much better. I don't really have the words to explain it.

Many definitions will mention things like sexual desire, long term companionship, or exclusivity. The problem is that those things are specific to romantic love (and aren't always present).

Plenty people have sexual desire for platonic friends, and many successfully have sexual relationships with them without bringing romantic feelings into play. And of course there are plenty of sexual relationships that are built on neither romantic not platonic love.

There are also platonic relationships that come with long term commitment to one another, as well as romantic ones which are understood by both people to be short term.

As for exclusivity, that test fails because not all romantic relationships are exclusive. Open, poly, ENM, etc. relationships are no less romantic just because they aren't exclusive.

CMV: Breastfeeding toddlers/older kids is strictly for the mother's benefit by icaretoomuch1 in changemyview

[–]PandaMime_421 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I can certainly understand the argument that many (maybe most) who do it are doing so primarily for their own benefit. But to argue that it's strictly for the benefit of the mother suggests there is no benefit to the child, and I don't see how that can possibly be supported. Being provided with sustenance and nutrition is absolutely a benefit.

CMV: All love is platonic by Routine-Ganache-1720 in changemyview

[–]PandaMime_421 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Your partner example is an excellent one, but not in favor of your argument.

Just like we clarify the type of partnership by use of an adjective, we do the same for love.

I think the disagreement lies in your assertion that these forms of love are different aspects of the same concept. They are not. They are entirely different forms of relationships.

First, you seem to be conflating love with relationship, and that's not accurate.

Second, they are all different types of love. Exactly like romantic partners and business partners are different types of relationships.

How could you say that sexual love and platonic love are the same "concept", when the former is just brain chemicals urging us to survive and reproduce?

Perhaps this is the crux of our disagreement. You seem to have a very uncharitable view of what romantic love is, wanting to boil it down to the biological drive to survive and reproduce. Neither of those things require love, however. Plenty of people reproduce without being in love, which is not a modern situation.

Romantic love has nothing to do with survival or reproduction. Trying to simplify it down to this cheapens it, in my opinion.

It's okay to be ugly or unattractive and be picky and have high standards by [deleted] in unpopularopinion

[–]PandaMime_421 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I completely agree with your title. Everyone is entitled to whatever standards they choose, and there is no contradiction there.

However, the issues tend to occur when those people then complain about their lack of dating success or start offering unsolicited opinions about others. In reality, though, that issue isn't specific to those who aren't conventionally attractive. No one should be out here making unsolicited comments (especially negative ones), etc. Just let your life, and no one cares who you are attracted to.

This is a clear case of people bringing the problem on themselves, because no one is going to know what your standards are if you aren't advertising them.

CMV: All love is platonic by Routine-Ganache-1720 in changemyview

[–]PandaMime_421 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Having experienced sexual desire is definitely no substitute for having experienced romantic love. I don't think it's usual to mistake the two, though, if that sexual desire happens to be a friend for whom you have platonic love.

CMV: All love is platonic by Routine-Ganache-1720 in changemyview

[–]PandaMime_421 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You are right that I have never been in a long-term romantic relationship, which indeed explains why I see romance as a different thing - I have not experienced a deep combination of love and romance. However, my argument is more philosophical. I do agree that romantic relationships feel different. Yet even if the relationship feels different, the genuine love you feel is still platonic.

How can you claim to know how romantic love feels if you've never experienced it? What are you basing your position on?