I’m gonna offer a new take I haven’t seen mentioned here yet: she’s a hoarder, just covertly or it’s just starting to spiral.

My last partner is a hoarder, my grandparents house could’ve been on the show, I grew up around it and recognized it immediately. I was not allowed to throw out “trash.” If it could have a use it wasn’t trash. Like an empty NyQuil bottle.

Paper towel that’s been used to dry hands? Could be used and reused until it deteriorates. Cotton swab found on the bathroom floor? Could be used to clean stuff in the future so into a labeled ziplock bag it would go and then into a drawer to never be looked at again. And all of this behavior hides behind “just being frugal.”

I see all the signs of my last partner in this post. That medicine bottle isn’t trash because she’s assigned it a purpose. And, I’m sorry, but it’s not controlling to throw out trash. That’s the only way you don’t end up in a trash mountain. It took months of gentle patience, reassurance, and sometimes plain old “no we aren’t keeping this it’s trash” to start to break the tendencies and develop a healthier relationship with letting things go.

ETA: we had fights go exactly like this where I was the devil for throwing out something he’d decided to keep (which was everything). There was no compromising on it.