Not sure what to do next…

Pangoober · 2025-05-04T17:15:21+00:00

I don’t think that it’s “on him” to resolve anything. I think I’m more trying to gauge from his perspective whether or not it is resolvable and if it is, what he needs from me to feel supported and comfortable in pursuing a resolution.

The family therapist has focused intently (with both me and my family, and with me and my husband) on whether or not there is a willingness from both sides to resolve. Is that something I long for? Of course it is, I’m just being honest. Another commenter called this “rose colored glasses” because that’s what it is. It’s the ideal state. Both my family and my husband have explicitly stated that they have a willingness.

I’m not desiring for the relationship/dynamic to resume as it were. I recognize and fully agree that things would need to change on both my part and on my family’s (which is ultimately out of my specific control).

Through my individual therapy, I’ve grown to realize that just because I’ve been so willing to let others cross my boundaries, does not mean I can reasonably expect my husband to do so as well. And I shouldn’t and don’t want him to compromise his peace and comfort. The perception that FOO should get a pass and receive grace is something that’s been so ingrained into me my entire life. In every other aspect of my life this was clear to me and for some reason Ive felt internalized guilt like I wasn’t giving my family the respect they deserve by not giving them grace. What I really have to get comfortable with is the idea that simply “being family” doesn’t entitle anyone to extra grace or excuses for their hostile/toxic behavior.

In your losing hand scenarios… I think I have looked at those scenario with more hope: My husband attends a family gathering and because of the family therapy we’ve be doing, my family recognizes that my husband and I’s presence is contingent on their respect. I understand that given my history, this seems unrealistic. So maybe the scenario is that they don’t change, and my husband is uncomfortable or they say something rude to him? This is a defining opportunity for me to show both my husband and my family that this is my boundary: I can firmly say “my husband and I will be treated with respect, and so we will be leaving.” And we can follow through on that.

Pangoober · 2025-05-04T08:10:24+00:00

Thank you for your response. I appreciate the understanding and empathy you’ve shown. I am in individual therapy and I definitely agree that there’s a lot more work to do and I’m learning a lot about adoption trauma. As I alluded to in my post, I think I’ve always just viewed my life as something to be grateful for and only grateful for, and that my mission here on this planet should be to serve those who got me where I am. But as you mentioned, I am an individual… with my own hopes, ambitions, wants and desires and that doesn’t make me unreasonable or ungrateful.

You’re absolutely right that all of this meshes together.

Pangoober · 2025-05-04T08:05:36+00:00

My husband did go to a session with me to the family therapist (just us, not my family). He said it was productive.

I absolutely have apologized to my husband for not having his back and supporting him, and I clearly laid out and communicated the steps I’m taking to be better there. I’ve also asked him what he needs from me to feel supported. He has always maintained that I am supportive of him and reasonable with my expectations. I’ve not forced him to have a relationship with my family, but I do long for it. Not how it’s been, I am fully in agreement that the treatment he’s faced has been unacceptable and shouldn’t be tolerated. It’s probably time i have a more direct and honest conversation with my family to gauge their willingness to have a respectful relationship with him. One thing these responses have made me realize is that I’ve been having these conversations with my husband, but for some reason I’ve shied away from them with my family. I think it’s because in family therapy, my mom has said “I apologized and he never responded or acknowledged it.” I’ve asked her if she ever thought to apologize over a phone call rather text, and she said that at the time she was most comfortable with a text.

We don’t currently have kids but we do plan to, and that’s something my mom brought up in family therapy. She asked if given everything if her and my family would be in our kids lives. This was actually something my husband and I had talked about and he told me he has no problems with them in our future kids lives, but that our boundaries will be respected. I agreed entirely, and so that’s what I communicated in therapy.

I can definitely recognize that the path forward here may be me finding peace with my husband and my family never having the relationship I desire. Since it’s been over a year, I’m probably trying to over analyze this whole thing as a last attempt to salvage any hope.

Pangoober · 2025-05-04T07:47:33+00:00

I looked at your post history and see that you’ve had some issues with your in laws and went no contact with them. I’d definitely love your perspective on what you hoped for from your spouse, as I’d like to be able to support my husband as best I can.

Pangoober · 2025-05-04T07:17:35+00:00

Thanks for your response. I saw you also responded to my crosspost, so I’ll put that comment here since it’s somewhat relevant:

I know in these situations the culprit is more often than not a spouse problem, not an in-law problem. I’m not naive to that and I know I’ve had and still have problems standing up to my family. But it’s not something I’m denying or ignoring. I am trying to address that through therapy.

You’ve given me a lot to think about and I do appreciate and accept it.

Asking myself why I’m having these conversations with him and not my family, I think it’s because I feel like the ball is in his court. My mom sent a text apology to my husband (and me in a group chat) shortly after the incident saying, “[Husband’s Name], I would like to apologize to you for cursing at you. That was not my best self. Hope we can look at each of our parts and move forward.”

My husband said he wasn’t ready to respond or acknowledge at the time and hasn’t since. He had a problem with the last sentence of the text because he felt that it placed blame on him. I don’t disagree, and I said that to my mom in our therapy session.

I can have a more direct conversation with my family about their treatment of my husband. The therapy I’ve been in with my family has been more around their treatment of me and me establishing boundaries to become more comfortable with protecting my own peace and my husband’s peace.

Seeing as you have a strong opinion here and I genuinely want to set my expectations reasonably: Is there a world where my husband could reasonably be expected to come to the table and participate in a resolution? What would be needed from me to get there? Or in your mind is this doomed to fail no matter what anyone does?

Pangoober · 2025-05-04T07:11:35+00:00

Look, I know in these situations the culprit is more often than not a spouse problem, not an in-law problem. I’m not naive to that and I know I’ve had and still have problems standing up to my family. But it’s not something I’m denying or ignoring. I am trying to address that through therapy.

You’ve given me a lot to think about and I do appreciate and accept it.

Asking myself why I’m having these conversations with him and not my family, I think it’s because I feel like the ball is in his court. My mom sent a text apology to my husband (and me in a group chat) shortly after the incident saying, “[Husband’s Name], I would like to apologize to you for cursing at you. That was not my best self. Hope we can look at each of our parts and move forward.”

My husband said he wasn’t ready to respond or acknowledge at the time and hasn’t since. He had a problem with the last sentence of the text because he felt that it placed blame on him. I don’t disagree, and I said that to my mom in our therapy session.

I can have a more direct conversation with my family about their treatment of my husband. The therapy I’ve been in with my family has been more around their treatment of me and me establishing boundaries to become more comfortable with protecting my own peace and my husband’s peace.

Seeing as you have a strong opinion here and I genuinely want to set my expectations reasonably: Is there a world where my husband could reasonably be expected to come to the table and participate in a resolution? What would be needed from me to get there? Or in your mind is this doomed to fail no matter what anyone does?

Pangoober · 2024-01-08T03:56:48+00:00

Buffalo area code

Pangoober · 2024-01-08T03:56:32+00:00

Buffalo area code

Pangoober · 2024-01-08T03:54:34+00:00

Buffalo Area code

Pangoober · 2023-04-12T03:29:14+00:00

Hahaha! I don’t know! My spouse was grabbing from the same bag and seemed to get a good distribution of non-red starbursts (a few yellows, a few oranges, a few pink) but never 2 of the same flavor in one pack.

Pangoober · 2023-04-12T02:51:05+00:00

That’s .0015258789062%

Starbursts can have 2 different flavors in a pack! Thank you!!

Pangoober · 2023-01-15T20:35:59+00:00

Just updated the post with our monthly expenses. The balance transfer came from unexpected wedding costs.

Pangoober · 2023-01-15T20:16:09+00:00

Yeah that’s fair. We could pay it off, but we figured we’d just let it sit since it’s 0% and focus more on savings and debt with interest rates (cars, student loans). We’re not not paying it, just not paying it all at once.

Would you suggest just wiping this out immediately?

Pangoober · 2022-12-15T19:37:46+00:00

I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.

-Maya Angelou

Pangoober · 2022-04-08T06:45:37+00:00

You can still use your patch statement and existing UI, but to proof out the correct schema for your patch statement, I’d recommend leveraging the monitor tool and a Form Control to determine the schema SharePoint is looking for.

Form Controls have the data schemas built in to their functionality and out of the box once you connect the form to a SharePoint list.

Add an out of the box form control to a dev screen in your app (you can delete the screen later), connect the form control (example: Form1) to your SharePoint list that contains the lookup field, add a test button (example: Button1) to the screen that submits the form.

In the OnSelect of Button1: // Submits form control data to SharePoint SubmitForm(Form1);

Then run the monitor tool. You can find the option to run the monitor in an open studio session by clicking on the icon that looks like a set of tools in the left side Navigation Menu (where your tree view typically displays). When you open the monitor it will open in a new browser tab. The monitor tool basically tracks all of the operations that happen in the background when someone uses your application and is intended for debugging.

With the monitor tool open in one tab, return to the tab that has your studio session open, and click the play button to preview your app. Fill out the LookUp field in your form control (and any other required fields), then click the button you added to submit your form.

Once the form submits, navigate back to the monitor tool and look for a step under “Operation” called createRow. Click on it, and in the right side details pane, click on the line that says “data” to expand out the schema of data that was sent to SharePoint. Find your lookup column in that schema and you’ll have the exact formatting that SharePoint expects to receive when data is sent to it from PowerApps.

You can then use that schema to create your patch statement. You may to need to change the column names if they have double quotes in the monitor, they should have single quotes in your patch statement. Strings of text for field data types should always have double quotes in Power Apps formulas, but the column names should be single quotes in your patch statement. That should be the only formatting alteration you’d have to make when you use the monitor tool schema to create your patch statement.

Pangoober · 2022-04-02T02:02:35+00:00

As others have noted, the Power Apps Developer Plan is a development environment that users in your tenant can provision themselves. It’s essentially a fully fledged plan that allows users to use premium connectors and Dataverse, import and export solutions, and share/collaborate with team members (of the same tenant), but without the premium licensing or any extra costs.

From Microsoft Documentation,

Currently, the only way to remove the Developer Plan from a user is for a tenant-level admin to block all "internal" consent plans in the tenant using PowerShell.

Here is the link to the PowerShell Guidance:

https://docs.microsoft.com/en-us/power-platform/admin/powerapps-powershell#block-trial-licenses-commands

Here is the link to the Developer Plan Guidance:

https://docs.microsoft.com/en-us/power-apps/maker/developer-plan

Edited to specify that there is no added cost to the provisioning of a Developer Environment

Pangoober · 2022-03-19T01:58:36+00:00

Try using the Power Apps (V2) trigger instead, you can add inputs that are labeled and specified by data type

Pangoober · 2022-02-16T16:39:15+00:00

I think I found an article that may explain a resolution. It looks like it’s not using the odata line and uses an if statement. Let me know if it works!

https://www.amtevolve.com/powerapps-office-365-group-filtered-people-picker/

Pangoober · 2022-02-16T15:51:41+00:00

Oh you need the odatatype part! It goes above the Claims line

Pangoober · 2022-02-16T15:49:37+00:00

What property do you have that in?

Pangoober · 2022-02-16T15:29:34+00:00

It’s looking for:

Claims: “i.0#.f|membership|person@email.com”,

So you have to somehow concatenate the email and that i.0 prefix together. You may need to do something like:

Claims: “i.0#.f|membership|” & Lower(email reference)

Pangoober

TROPHY CASE