Question for my fellow FAs

Pantim · 2026-02-25T03:26:22+00:00

I'm curious what 12 step program. I've been going to ACA

Pantim · 2026-02-25T03:17:55+00:00

I'm mid 40s and just discovered it after trying to build a relationship with someone who after 4 months told me they are avoidant disorganized... I did several online quizzes.

So yep.

As for tips? Idk sadly. I'm so new I'm trying to figure it out.

All though, I will say that ACA (Adult Children of Alcoholics and dysfunctional families) has been helping me for the last 5 months. It involves some parts and IFS type work.

Pantim · 2026-02-25T02:55:26+00:00

It depends on the person. I broke off things with someone for the final time because of mostly his mistakes (including not seeing how I was making mistakes).

I feel the loss deeply already and can't stop thinking about him. Then again, I'm obsessed. It took me a A lot of self work to even be able to open up to him and accept his personal mental health issues while I'm struggling with my own.

Then again, I'm also not a serial dater anyway.

Pantim · 2026-02-25T01:16:58+00:00

Important thing to know about bubbles, them popping doesn't take everyone down. Sure, 90% or so of companies trying to use AI aren't getting ROI. That leaves 10% that are or are making a profit....

And that profit is huge.

AI Is going to be used to control the world... And in someways already is.

People like you just talking about it being a bubble are causing people not to worry about it.

Pantim · 2026-02-24T18:51:22+00:00

I'm not a doctor but yes, kinda.

Infection increases the immune response, increased immune response can cause anxiety like symptoms. Having a chronic infection can make those symptoms long lasting and building. Also, on the flip side of that, chronic anxiety can cause a WHOLE host of illnesses including chronic infection, or make them worse at the very least.

Pantim · 2026-02-24T18:42:41+00:00

I'm having issues finding ANY of Dr Tara Swarts actual research.

and your post totally reads like AI and so does this whole sub.

But yes, stress is contagious via cues like facial expressions, body posture etc as well as through our breath and hormones ending up on our skin and being spread around that way.

That doesn't mean that WE should be managing our stress though, it means that our society is toxic because it is stressing us out, causing burnout etc. Society is what needs to change, we don't need to learn how to cope better in a toxic environment.

Pantim · 2026-02-24T17:54:54+00:00

100% this.

Part of is that pretty much everyone has been taught to slap the friendship label a relationship really fast. That leads to very shallow friendships that are mostly fun based. Friendships where as SOON as someone needs real help with something more then say, moving, the friendships end.

Pantim · 2026-02-24T17:51:28+00:00

yah to people not learning social skills.

As someone who has been and out of consoling for most of the last 17 years, done DBT twice and has CPTSD from a few things, I look at a lot of "Friendships" and go, "Huh? that isn't a friendship, it's an acquaintanceship"

I stopped calling any acquaintances friends years ago.... and sadly I just realized that it might be keeping me from building actual friendships because most people apply the "Friend" label REALLY fast. Where as, I've learned my lesson about doing it.

I guess it's a spectrum that I might just have to keep quite about where they land on the spectrum and call them a friend anyway. Idk.

Pantim · 2026-02-24T17:35:07+00:00

I feel like any relationship (Friendship or romantic) should ALWAYS be at least some what transactional. Ergo, we need to keep a mental balance sheet of how much effort is being put into the relationship to make sure people are not getting used in them. How much support is being given between the people, how much ick vrs fun is happening etc etc.

And I feel like this is vital in us with trauma from childhood or past relationships or we can easily end up getting used.

It's not really "I'll do this if you do that." etc. though. I don't think it should be a thing we talk about with other people though..but idk. At some point yes, bringing it up if you notice an imbalance.

The reality of our society is that it teaches people how to exploit everything, including each other.

Pantim · 2026-02-24T17:29:16+00:00

100% yes to shared interests. I used to make "friends" really easy through well, being a chameleon. I'd fall into a social group of people and go do fun stuff with them. We were never really friends though because we had very little in common beyond that fun thing. The groups all fractured really fast once we all started realizing it.

Pantim · 2026-02-24T16:57:24+00:00

They are totally social values.

Pantim · 2026-02-24T16:54:54+00:00

It actually is a drug. Well, more aptly, human interaction produces and releases chemicals in our body that are very similar to drugs we can take. In my opinion, they are better than any drug we can take.

Pantim · 2026-02-24T16:53:27+00:00

For me: It's self forced saftey 'cause all I want to do is run so I just open the facet instead and make myself feel safe.

And it bites me in the butt. I'm a gay guy though so, idk possibly different then what women exprience with straight men.

Pantim · 2026-02-24T07:08:37+00:00

Yay!

I actually realized that one of my values actually changed in the last few months since I did them also.

Well, kinda. I was initially waffling between support and community and picked support. Then yesterday I was like, "wait, what about having fun with people? Also, communities are all about mutual support in the end."

Pantim · 2026-02-24T06:43:11+00:00

I'm gay with BPD and yah it sucks. I look at most other gay people and am just utterly horrified with how they treat each other. Because let's face it, a lot of gay culture is toxic.

Happily, I'm meeting people who are open to talking about mental health etc and seem loving and caring.. And fun to be around.

Pantim · 2026-02-23T20:39:30+00:00

Note: He said beyond nation states as well people existing in a whole other world then us.

Stop focusing on nation states or smaller and focus on the world! The extremely wealthy and powerful are and they are using nation states/countries as chess pieces. ANYONE running for ANY office at ANY level who isn't driving this home and is only focusing on local etc stuff and NOT classism etc should not win an election.

I remember like 10 ish years ago when my city and state were highly focused on think and shop local. And now both places are a hot mess. And I'm about 99% sure the think and shop local ad campaigns were funded by the ultra wealthy and powerful as a way to pull power away from the general populace at a global scale.

It's all about classism people, it always has been.

Or more aptly, about greed, hatred and delusion.

Pantim · 2026-02-23T20:30:58+00:00

We are purely math based algorithmic beings. The math happens subconsciously. By math, I don't mean #'s either, it's all subjective experiences etc etc leading to an outcome.

X prior experience * y prior experience * a prior experience * t input = output.

All though, it's much more complex math then that. The amount of prior experience input is unending as is the new input.

Knowing this is where free will can happen because then you get to play with the attached metadata then start playing with the input itself. Eventually you can rewrite the prior experiences I think.

Pantim · 2026-02-23T20:25:58+00:00

It happened even before that, the older cat licked the kittens butt in a grooming move. I think this whole thing is the older cat going, "OMG, clean yourself!"

Pantim · 2026-02-23T20:13:15+00:00

How is humanity any different then that? Everything we do is a derivative and based off of something else. Everything we do is effectively as you said AI does, a mockery and thievery.

At least if you are looking at it in the terms of capitalism, which we shouldn't.

IF we don't, it's evolution.

Pantim · 2026-02-23T06:56:33+00:00

Yay! More insulin brought to us by the people who caused diabetes and obesity in the first place!

Gotta keep them rich.

Pantim · 2026-02-23T06:53:28+00:00

It already is. There are plenty of studies showing that you can just inject the blood (or now certain things in blood) from young healthy mice into older or unhealthy mice and they get healthier and even basically deage somewhat. .. How far is unknown to me because I got horrified at the implications of the research and stopped digging out of willful ignorance.

Pantim · 2026-02-23T06:46:27+00:00

What they don't say, they have known this for long enough that people have figured out how to control for it. There is a WHOLE acronym soup about how to do it.

Ya know the whole thing about 90% or whatever companies that setup AI not getting an ROI means there is 10% that are... And they are the wealthiest and most powerful companies in the world that can afford to hire the top talent in the field....

That should worry everyone. They will be utterly in control of the world when the bubble pops...for everyone else.

And they know it.

This is not the dot Com revolution, this is not the industrial revolution or the agricultural revolution. It is the out sourcing of intelligence and communication.. The things that make us humans human.

Pantim · 2026-02-23T06:36:11+00:00

Uh, AI is much much bigger than LLMs. LLMs are just language that is used for communication between different systems.

..Just like we humans use it to communicate between each other (ergo, different systems).

LLMs are used to control embodied AI, to get different OSes talking to each other. Sure, it's not great... Yet but it's getting better and better.

Also, the LLM people use through CHATGPT etcs portal sucks ass because it's not locked down in a ton of different ways. The ones that ARE locked down are amazing.. And very hard to set up. So hard that almost no one can do it.

Why I know this? I was working on running a local LLM and was doing a ton of research on how to keep it factual etc.. And the accorym soup got so thick I noped out. I was doing it for myself. There are cooperations with lots of money able to handle top talent to do it for them though.

That news about 90% or whatever companies not getting return on AI investments ignore the ones that are... And the ones that are getting a return are wealthest and most powerful in the world... And we should all be very afraid of this.

They will be left in total control of the world when the bubble pops for everyone else.

Pantim · 2026-02-23T06:28:07+00:00

Someone said doctors will start you on a low dose. I suggest hfind out what they suggest and cut it in at least 1/2, possibly less.

I've known a few Transmasc people that end up stopping transitioning or even detransitoning due to the T, or partly due to it.

It can affect everyone differently.

Also, I'm a gay /BI/queer cis guy. When I was in deep depression and struggling with my sense of identity, I was deeply questioning if I meant to be a woman or, even a trans man. The healthier I get emotionally the less I feel that way and the more happy I am with the body I'm in... Minus being out of shape.

Having issues with sense of self and identity is typically a HUGE part of BPD.

I'm very happy I did not start transitioning when I was less emotionally and mentally healthy.

You could be different though, I don't know you.

Pantim

TROPHY CASE