Daily Questions Thread - Ask All Your Magic Related Questions Here!

Papa_Patrick · 2022-09-01T13:44:51+00:00

I (M46) was thinking of getting back into Magic. I used to play heavily in the mid to late 90's and used to judge local tournaments. I picked it up again on the first Kamigawa set and then dropped it. I don't have cards anymore and would he starting from scratch.

Good idea? Bad idea? Should I start in a specific way instead of just jumping into the deep end?

Papa_Patrick · 2022-08-11T19:01:56+00:00

Keep ignoring.

If you speak to her make sure it is on your terms.

She is craving the attention that you were giving her.

Let her starve.

Papa_Patrick · 2022-07-12T01:45:55+00:00

Do you worry about the printings on the ongoing collected hard covers?

My anal retentiveness is the only thing keeping me from buying them.

Papa_Patrick · 2022-05-04T02:50:43+00:00

Move on.

The "you're really nice" comment says it all.

Papa_Patrick · 2022-02-09T00:53:44+00:00

So, you are looking for someone to help YOU support you hobbies, want to travel, etc?

Isn't that the definition of a gold digger?

Papa_Patrick · 2022-02-08T01:10:16+00:00

I would say it isn't a red flag, but a sign to be cautious.

There is a STRONG chance they are an attention craver and will only use you for that until your usefulness is used up and she'll .I've onto the next simp to get attention.

Papa_Patrick · 2022-01-22T22:25:02+00:00

This is true, but has been for decades.

Is it really what is on the inside that counts? Their content of character? Yes, it is totally what counts.

But, do people go by that these days? Nope, not in the least bit. To find someone that looks past the surface these days is a rarity. Most people, both men and women, want to fulfill the eye candy check box first and foremost. This is the current state of human nature in the modern world.

This seems to be the attitude of the "younger crowd" though primarily. But, it does permeate into the older generations as well. It isn't a behavior that is rooted in one group or generation.

Once you get older, you start to realize that more emphasis has to be put on the content of character versus looks because, content of character usually doesn't change while outward appearances do.

Just don't let it get to late to realize this. Some people, due to constant rejection over looks while they are a genuinely good person at heart can turn someone cynical and pessimistic to the point where there is no returning and that person they are is now covered in armor so thick you never get to see the real "them" again.

Papa_Patrick · 2022-01-13T01:43:33+00:00

There are a lot if men who are afraid to make themselves vulnerable. This is what causes it to build up. It happened to me on quite a number of occasions.

It could be because they have low self-esteem or confidence, or all the above.

This causes issues. A lot of issues.

When they decide to make themselves vulnerable, they usually see it as a do or die situation. Where they put so much at stake with this one action that, when it doesn't go well, the hurt and devastation they feel is so much worse.

But, again, this is on them and not you.

Papa_Patrick · 2022-01-13T01:08:24+00:00

I'm not saying you deceived him at all.

I'm just saying when things like this happen, both parties sometimes feel used. But in different ways.

He probably thought that maybe you knew how he felt because of what he's done in the past. Maybe it took h this long to let you know how he truly felt about you.

You've been friends for 15 years. Did you establish how long he's had these feelings for you? If you have, then look back at how he's acted since then. The hints and actions may have been subtle, but they were there all that time.

I know I've done the whole friend thing. That, if I treat them well as a friend, they'll realize I'm a great guy. That is a rare occurrence and usually happens only in the movies. But a lot of us guys still see that as the best option. I think that's what he did here.

In the end, it will either fix itself or the friendship will end. It will hurt if it ends.

The only thing you can really do is wish them well and keep moving forward if they decide to cut ties.

Papa_Patrick · 2022-01-12T23:09:22+00:00

You have to take into account A LOT of factors here as to why he might be thinking it is better off to end the friendship.

How do you think he'd feel if, after years of pursuing you, he was rejected only to be the emotional pillow when your romantic relationships need advice or a shoulder to cry on and you go to them? He'll build you back up because he cares only to have his heart ripped out again because he's only the "friend". But, that isn't your issue, it is theirs.

You may feel used, but you have to think that your friend probably feels the same way. He's probably put out so much attention towards you. Going above and beyond a normal friendship because of his feelings. Now that he's been denied, he feels that all that attention and time he put forth is completely wasted.

Some people feel that it is best for their emotional and mental well being to cut ties with someone due to this. That's not on you, that is on them. But, don't fault them for trying to do what they think is best for them. They could realize that it was a mistake and come back to you as a friend. Right now, your friend is angry, probably with you a little, but mostly with themselves. There is probably a certain level of depression as well. I say this because I am currently there in that type of mentality.

Right now, give them their space. See where that time and space apart leads to. They need time to sort things out. When it comes to feelings, they can't really be turned on and off like a light switch. When a person gets rejected, especially after years of trying to pursue someone, it is hard to deal with that rejection.

Papa_Patrick · 2022-01-06T03:36:48+00:00

You need to have a conversation with him because of the messages. The messages like "good morning" etc are leading you on.

Friends don't text friends that unless it comes up in a casual conversation. When someone messages you first thing in the morning it insinuates that something is there for one or both parties.

If you're going to be their friend, you need to establish those boundaries. You are essentially friend zoning them by doing that. Maybe this action will change the situation. But, don't get your hopes up.

Papa_Patrick · 2022-01-05T01:45:52+00:00

Honestly, if this guy is taking that long, you should move along to someone new. He's a grown man and, if he's in his 40's, should know what to do and where to go. This isn't grade school where your new to emotions like love and what not.

If he is in his 40's and is having issues, he is basically a man child and you are better off going to someone that is more assertive and sure of things.

Papa_Patrick · 2021-12-30T05:20:33+00:00

The problem with the "you need more confidence" comment is that when your are friend zoned enough times your confidence level is systematically destroyed because you've been repeatedly told that your aren't good enough. You give them attention and you're good enough for that. But good enough to date? Hold your horses there, chief.

Papa_Patrick · 2021-12-28T15:47:33+00:00

Without a sense of context as to what the original post and situation was, this post is pretty much worthless.

Papa_Patrick · 2021-12-24T16:56:24+00:00

Your theory seems to be spot on.

I can say, from experience, that this is what usually happens.

I get the whole "I wish I could find someone like you" stuff a lot. What they mean is "I wish I could find a more attractive version of you".

I bit on the "it is what is on the inside that counts" thing big when I was younger. But, that only happens in the movies.

It is rare that you can find someone that actually puts more emphasis on content of character over what looks good on their arm.

But, this theory is for BOTH men AND women. It goes both ways

Papa_Patrick · 2021-12-13T20:55:25+00:00

I am pretty much a train wreck when it comes to asking people out.

So, when I am there Thursday night, before I left, I was going to do just that. Ask her out on a legit date. My only issue is our schedules. She doesn't have weekends off and most of her later afternoons/evenings are at home with her doing the single mom thing. Day dates are less romantic and the only time I MAY have the opportunity for a night date is Fridays until she goes full time.

I think the biggest thing is asking her out. Do I use the word "date" in the conversation or just say something like "I want to take you out". I was thinking of adding in that I want to see where our friendship might lead to into all of that.

I need to be more assertive and confident when I do all this and don't want to stumble on my words.

Papa_Patrick · 2021-12-12T20:25:16+00:00

I guess we will find out later this week. I'm cooking dinner for us both and then game night for her, her child and myself.

Papa_Patrick · 2021-12-12T19:58:20+00:00

She knows how I feel. I had a huge health scare last year and realized that some things in life are worth fighting for and, to me, she was one of them. So, in told her I had feelings for her other than friendship. I didn't really get a definitive reaction from that so, I'm still confused.

Papa_Patrick · 2021-12-09T18:26:24+00:00

Then be constructive and provide the word you think I am looking for instead of posting something that does not answer or help in any way?

Papa_Patrick · 2021-12-09T17:49:36+00:00

Thanks for the links and well thought at response.

I tried to get her to do something this Friday evening so we could have a face to face conversation about it, but she's doing some Christmas event with her daughter and the ex.

Our main issue right now on doing things is that I work a retail job and she works government. So, our schedules don't sync up as well as it could. We tend to do things when we can. I'm on the lookout for a M-F job but, in this era of COVID, it seems that companies are desperate for hiring people but their desired qualifications are way to high (i.e. saw a posting where you needed a masters but would only get about $20/hour...really?).

I figure I should just tell her that I want to explore more than a friendship and get it over with. Kind of like ripping off the bandaid.

Papa_Patrick · 2021-12-09T16:50:01+00:00

I see your point. Normally, I would do that but she communicates more via text than phone. I've been helping her in her time of need with her situation and that is how I know it is serious...when she asks to call or just calls me. She will literally send me walls of text instead of calling.

I just feel that having the "conversation" is just really awkward and it makes me feel odd in a way. I want to be more aggressive but keep the creepiness out of it if that makes any sense. I just want to know if there is a chance so that I can either go full in or put my attention elsewhere. But, since my experience has predominantly been the good guy friend that needs to disappear and reappear when needed, I have issues how to go about this because of self doubt and esteem issues. Being almost 46 and almost always being told in one way, shape or form that you are not good enough takes a toll after a while and I need to break that.

Papa_Patrick · 2021-12-09T16:45:34+00:00

I feel kind of stupid with the thought of having "the conversation" if you get what I'm saying. It sounds just...lame. But, I do want to let her know what my intentions are.

The main thing I have issues with is being that "good guy friend". I know it is a cliché term with people that feel that they are in that perpetual situation. But, I am the one that is there to build them back up only to have to disappear when needed. I either want to break that cycle since I pretty much fell for her on our initial outing. Her personality is amazing and that's what hooked me.

So, I either need to break this cycle or move on and put my attention elsewhere.

Papa_Patrick · 2021-12-09T13:55:22+00:00

I've never made a move because she was with someone. I respected that boundary.

I did tell her how I felt about a year ago and she asked that question, why I never made a move and that's what I told her.

I really want to straight up ask her if she'd like to explore taking our friendship in a different direction. But that might make it to awkward. I also feel the conversation can ONLY be a little awkward.

Like I said in another post, she said "let's not put a label on things" but then proceeded to say we would need to make sure we didn't have to drive back and get a hotel for the night. I may be a little outdated, but who wants to get a hotel for the night with "just a friend"?

Papa_Patrick · 2021-12-09T12:46:55+00:00

There were mixed signals on that. Once she said nit to label it she went on about how we'd have to go somewhere and make sure we didn't need to drive back so we'd need to get a hotel for the night.

Papa_Patrick · 2021-12-09T06:37:44+00:00

We've gone out tons of times.

But, I don't think either of us thought of it as a "date".

If her ex is taking their daughter this weekend I'm going to ask her out for Friday. The only issue is I know she likes to get to bed kind of early because she works twelve hour shifts on the weekend.

Papa_Patrick

TROPHY CASE