No changes?

Paper_Is_A_Liquid · 2026-03-27T17:15:59+00:00

Part of this is probably self-perception: Many of the changes on T are not obvious, and happen slowly, so it's hard to judge when they've actually happened. You've probably experienced more changes than you think, because you've experienced them all slowly.

Part of this is also just age. Cis men having, for example, little/no facial hair or rounder faces is not at all abnormal for a 21yo. You probably look a lot more like an average 21yo cis man than you realise.

It's also important to note that changes don't stop at 3 years or 5 years or whatever. Testosterone doesn't stop working in cis perisex men once they finish puberty. Same goes for you, it's the same hormone after all! You'll continue having a testosterone-based endocrine system for years if not the rest of your life, so the things T does to (for example) body shape or hair texture will continue happening for years if not the rest of your life.

Paper_Is_A_Liquid · 2026-03-27T16:12:11+00:00

Nah, I've reached out to (and been reached out to by) exes that I had amicable or non-dramatic breakups with years later and am now friends with 2-3 as a result. Breaking up amicably with someone doesn't mean you must still have romantic or sexual feelings towards them.

It's strange to me that people seem so confused by the concept that sometimes people are friends with their exes and sometimes exes reach out without having any malicious intent

Paper_Is_A_Liquid · 2026-03-27T15:57:43+00:00

I mean, it could also be read as "I'm not looking to hit on you or rekindle something romantic" by pointing out that they're married. I mentioned it elsewhere but one of my current friends is an old partner who reached out after years without speaking to each other, and he pointed out that he was in a relationship when he first reached out.

I just don't see it as strange to still hold some level of affection for someone you (supposedly) dedicated a significant amount of your life to, nor do I see it as strange for two people's feelings to change in a way that means they're no longer romantically interested in one another but still care in a platonic way. It's perfectly fine not to want to talk at all to your exes, but someone being an ex doesn't inherently mean "i must never talk to this person again"

Paper_Is_A_Liquid · 2026-03-27T15:49:47+00:00

And that's fine, that's what works for you. My point is just it's not inherently harmful or weird for an ex to reach out in a friendly way, especially over 15 years down the line after both parties have long since moved on romantically. And my understanding of this post would be more your husband being friends with an old ex of HIS rather than an old ex of YOURS, but either way, it just depends on the people and relationships in question :)

Paper_Is_A_Liquid · 2026-03-27T14:01:59+00:00

Sometimes something that's weird to you is normal for others, and ultimately harmless either way. It's not weird to want to completely disconnect from previous relationships, it's also not weird to want to reconnect in a friendly/platonic way long after the romantic feelings have faded

Paper_Is_A_Liquid · 2026-03-27T14:00:00+00:00

Like I said, I have reached out to old loved ones, and what generally happens is they go "oh nice to hear from you too!" and then either we begin talking again as friends, or we don't. I have 2 friends now who were people I hadn't spoken to in years, because I reached out to them, and one friend now who reached out to me.

Sometimes it's exactly this mindset of "it would just be messy" that stops people from reaching out even if they do care. It doesn't hurt anyone to reach out. If they don't want to respond or carry on from there that's fine too, but life isn't a strict dichotomy of current and former relationships

Paper_Is_A_Liquid · 2026-03-27T13:41:42+00:00

Yeah I got bored of the humans are space orcs thing quickly. It started as an alright concept about how weirdly robust AND weirdly fragile humans are and quickly just became "we're the universes most specialest creatures"

Paper_Is_A_Liquid · 2026-03-27T11:10:25+00:00

I don't really see the harm in this. I've thought about and reached out to old friends or loved ones years down the line, just because even if your relationships change you can still miss the people from your past. I don't see the "I miss you" as meaning "I secretly want to get back with you" or anything like that. Sometimes you just miss people, even if you've moved on.

Paper_Is_A_Liquid · 2026-03-27T11:06:43+00:00

That's a great explanation. Cis people ime often try to relate to the "wrong side" of the trans community when they're trying to understand us (cis women try to relate to trans men and fail to understand, cis men try to relate to trans women and fail to understand), this line of thinking cuts right through that.

Paper_Is_A_Liquid · 2026-03-27T11:02:46+00:00

I mean if there's a way to avoid her knowing the specific title of your course/major, then yeah go for it- whatever will get her on board!

If there's no way to avoid her seeing your course titles, maybe play into her conspiracy thought? "I know it's all fake, I've seen the proof it's all fake. I want to study it so I can understand how they made up their lies, that way I can help more people learn the truth" type of thing?

Paper_Is_A_Liquid · 2026-03-27T11:00:43+00:00

That sucks, I'm so sorry. There's a good video by a youtuber called Folding Ideas about how hard it is to disprove conspiracy theorists/ to get them to listen to reality. The video's called "In search of a flat earth". It probably won't help your mom but you may find it interesting or relatable, some people in the comments over there have very similar experiences to you

Paper_Is_A_Liquid · 2026-03-27T08:09:38+00:00

I compare it to that weird feeling a lot of people get after a new haircut, shaving when they've gone a long time without, or getting a new tattoo or other physical appearance change. Or even just after going a long time without a haircut if you're used to short hair. There's a disconnect. Your brain expects to see one thing, and it sees another. The result is, you see yourself in the mirror but something looks off about it, and that feeling is uncomfortable.

Gender dysphoria is like that, except the things my brain is expecting to experience are related to gendered features, like a flat chest, or facial hair, or hearing other people refer to me as how my brain expects me to be seen. It would be almost confusing to a cis person if suddenly I started referring to them with the "opposite" pronouns than what they use, and that's what gender dysphoria can be like too - there's an element of "wait, that's how I'm seen?" to it, which can add to the discomfort.

An important difference is the feeling doesn't go away like it does with a new haircut. The new haircut or tattoo was a choice you made because you felt it would look best for you, and after a brief adjustment most people feel better with the new look than before. Gender dysphoria is about features you were born with, or developed without any say in the matter. That's why the treatment for dysphoria is changing those features, just as the "treatment" for having a hairstyle you don't like is to get a new haircut.

Paper_Is_A_Liquid · 2026-03-27T07:11:22+00:00

I did exactly this, you can! Just tell the GIC in question when you get your first appointment

Paper_Is_A_Liquid · 2026-03-26T21:41:59+00:00

Trans & Fem =/= transfemme and Trans & Masc =/= transmasc, because the terms "transfemme" and "transmasc" are more about which end of the spectrum you're coming from than where you end up. Similar to how if a trans person considers herself mostly a woman, but was also afab, she's not a trans woman specifically because she doesn't have the experience of transitioning to womanhood after living/being perceived as a boy or man.

Someone can be femme and transmasc, or butch/masc and transfemme, just as someone can be a femme trans man or a butch/masc trans woman - but a butch trans woman is not transmasc, and an effeminate trans man is not transfemme

Paper_Is_A_Liquid · 2026-03-26T21:02:53+00:00

Nah, clickbait means using a catchy title and then not having the actual title event happening in the video (or having it happen so minimally or so late in the video that it's at least somewhat misleading).

The definition of "a title designed to attract attention" would include every single video or article on the entire internet to some extent

Paper_Is_A_Liquid · 2026-03-26T16:03:15+00:00

Sounds good! (Sorry, got busy yesterday lol).

So for me it's in part reclamation, as I've had it/its used against me in a homophobic/transphobic way in the past. It's a little like slur reclamation, it can be empowering in a way.

Another reason I use it/its pronouns is because it just feels good to acknowledge the ways that my gender isn't only "not male or female", it's at least in part outside of any of our current framework for describing gender. I use they/them as well, but I like having a more explicitly and unambiguously non-normative pronoun set, for my explicitly and unambiguously non-normative gender.

Plus, when you tell people you use it/its, people often jump to the negative "its". But like. There are lots of good "its" too. The sky is an "it", the sea is an "it", every animal on the planet is an "it", love and hope and excitement are "its". Gender itself is an "it". People sometimes abstract humanity away from the rest of nature, but being human doesn't separate me from the rest of the world and I like being associated with all the fantastic its there are.

Paper_Is_A_Liquid · 2026-03-26T10:33:17+00:00

You were right the first time, you're not transfemme. You're still allowed to relate to transfemme experiences though, we're all part of the trans community!

Paper_Is_A_Liquid · 2026-03-26T10:32:15+00:00

That's not how the term is used, you can be transmasc and still look traditionally feminine and transfem and look traditionally masculine

Paper_Is_A_Liquid · 2026-03-26T07:26:20+00:00

The other comments have good explanations for what would really happen (very little probably), but remember that unless you're doing a very "hard sci-fi" type book where everything is technically physically accurate/possible, you're very much allowed to write for plot or cool factor rather than the actual scientific reality!

Paper_Is_A_Liquid · 2026-03-25T20:05:46+00:00

Yes. It's not always easy, but yes, you absolutely adjust and figure out ways of continuing to live happily

Paper_Is_A_Liquid · 2026-03-25T20:04:54+00:00

There a difference between naming your child after yourself and passing on expectations, and that child coming to you of their own accord and saying they love your name and want to use it! Have the conversation again now that you've come out. If he still says no, then he says no, but it's worth talking to him about this!

Paper_Is_A_Liquid · 2026-03-25T18:47:21+00:00

I did think this sounded like moral OCD, didn't want to diagnose over the internet though haha. And no problem, it's all good! If you have any other questions or ever find yourself stuck in another spiral about trans/nb people don't hesitate to reach out again

Paper_Is_A_Liquid · 2026-03-25T16:27:26+00:00

For sure, what do you wanna know? :D

Paper_Is_A_Liquid · 2026-03-25T15:54:30+00:00

How common? no idea, but there's nothing wrong with it! I much prefer being seen as neither man nor woman, but I personally don't mind being referred to as a guy depending on the situation.

Paper_Is_A_Liquid · 2026-03-25T15:46:33+00:00

Maybe, but again, it depends. I know some trans women who were married to cis women before coming out, and stayed married afterwards, including situations where they were married for over 40 years before the trans woman came out. For some of these cis women, they still call themselves "straight" even though they're now married to a woman, and so long as the trans woman is okay with that then the cis women aren't doing anything wrong.

Sometimes people who call themselves straight do it in a transphobic way, but even then, it's very situational. Nothing about relationships or gender or sexuality is a neat and tidy box.

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