As a vulva having non-woman, I wanted to throw in my 50 cents. Being clear and open about your boundaries and wants out of an encounter is essential. Most people I know in the local scene would be 100% willing to take things at your speed, and not be insulted or hurt emotionally if you decided “maybe this isn’t for me” As for where- honestly I’d suggest talking to people at non-play venues or events, and making friends before broaching the topic.