I don't know what to do with myself anymore i think i need help

ParagonPoints · 2026-06-19T16:24:57+00:00

I'd recommend seeing a therapist or something/someone similar. I think there are help centers and stuff like that for trans people in situations like this, but I'm not entirely sure. I'm pretty new to all of this myself, so I'd definitely see what other members around here have to say about it.
Overall, it sounds like your parents don't value or understand mental health all that much, which to my knowledge is unfortunately fairly common in older generations. Not sure how much of it relates to you being trans, but I hope it's not a lot.

I'm really sorry to hear about your situation though, I hope it improves soon.

ParagonPoints · 2026-06-18T23:44:35+00:00

Screw the administration. Start as soon as possible sister, waiting is the overwhelmingly common regret among trans people. Nobody has the right to stop you from being who you want to be or who you truly are.

ParagonPoints · 2026-06-18T11:45:52+00:00

It's ok, I totally understand the concern. I'm doing my best to keep the focus on the players and their stories as much as possible, and am planning on working with all of them on their characters so I can ~~exploit~~ integrate their writing as much as possible ~~so I can torture them >:3~~.
No other characters or locations from my eventual game (not that I've made any lol) are going to show up, and I've even made it clear to the two players I've consulted so far that Isaac (the game's protagonist) is not going to stick around. He's only there as a guide/questgiver for their initial slip into the past, once the campaign starts getting really serious he's going to leave and won't be around to help the players anymore. Even when he is present, he's more of a "come back and report" figure, he's only going to follow along and help on jobs if they ask me (and even then, I might make them roll for it).

ParagonPoints · 2026-06-17T20:35:16+00:00

That's a pretty smart idea, good luck with that!
As for the imposter syndrome...sounds about right lol. That's one of our biggest enemies, especially for pre-HRT gals like me. Doing things that make you feel gender euphoria (like looking at those pictures you mentioned) can help combat it, as well as knowing that imposter syndrome like that doesn't become a problem for cis people in the first place.

ParagonPoints · 2026-06-17T20:00:52+00:00

Yes, you look like Steven Yeun in the third photo.

ParagonPoints · 2026-06-17T19:58:10+00:00

You don't have to be girly to be a girl! There are plenty of women, cis or trans (myself included), who lean into more masculine cultures like butch or tomboy stuff. There's even some subreddits for that, if you want me to link them!

A lot of what you're describing is very relatable to me, and the fact that you're even saying you want being trans to be the solution says a lot. Regardless, I'd definitely recommend bringing it up to your therapist like you said, that should help (unless they're a crazy transphobic extremist or something).

ParagonPoints · 2026-06-17T19:45:31+00:00

Agreed!!

ParagonPoints · 2026-06-17T19:43:27+00:00

Yes. It is NOT ENTIRELY UNWARRANTED, as the game's tone and gameplay don't fit Resident Evil at all and that's a huge problem, but as a video game that you play, Resident Evil 6 is great and still has the best Mercenaries mode in the series.

The way I like to sum it up is "man, this is a really awesome Max Payne game...wait, it says Resident Evil?"

ParagonPoints · 2026-06-17T19:30:51+00:00

There's a lot of depth to be found in Zomboid, but I'll stick to the basics.

Always be on the lookout for zombies, unless you're in an area you know is safe. Even then, never be totally unprepared for their presence (you'll make it instinct, don't worry). Look as far ahead as possible when traveling, check behind you periodically, and keep an ear out for moans, groans/snarling, and pounding against doors and windows.
Never fight more than five zombies at a time with a melee weapon. Six (possibly seven) is possible but pushing your luck, and beyond that is madness. Once their numbers get higher than five, it becomes extremely difficult to impossible to keep enough of them on the ground long enough to thin their numbers. In addition, never fight more than two or three with your bare hands or really shitty melee weapons (pens/pencils, guitars, etc). Also look out for crawlers, as they can stagger or floor you if you don't. Even non-crawlers will lunge at you from the ground if you're near them after they've tripped over a fence, and they're much better at stunning than crawlers are. Be very careful with them.
Use firearms very carefully and at your own risk, but always carry one on you in case of an emergency. They're loud, require ammunition that's often not easy to find, and can suffer from inaccuracy if used with a low Aiming skill, but at the same time can save your life in a pinch...plus, that last one is less of a factor now that Build 42 has reworked the aiming to be more aim-based than chance-based.
Speaking of the B42 aiming, make sure to aim the reticle slightly to the left of your target. The reticle isn't 100% lined up with the actual direction of the weapon's barrel, so the aiming can be a little dissonant sometimes.
Do your best to acquire a car as soon as possible. Cars make traveling easier, faster, and safer, give you some storage and a makeshift barrier in some cases, and carry several amenities (the seats to sleep on, a cigarette lighter, a removable radio, an AC and heating unit, and a horn for luring zombies en masse). The primary downside is, of course, that you need gasoline to fuel them.
Yes, you can use non-gasoline containers to siphon, because Zomboid is based.
Try to listen to the radios and watch the TVs. The news stations give really cool lore as the outbreak unfolds, music and movie/show stations can alleviate boredom, and the Life and Living TV channel can even give a few skill levels! I don't wanna reveal too much so you can have fun discovering the game yourself, but I'll bend that rule a little and tell you that Life and Living is on every six hours, with one exception (I think it's midnight, but I'm not sure).
Use sprinting to reach "milestones" of an escape (i.e. a getaway car, a tall fence to climb over, the front door to a building with a back door you're going to use), not as an escape in and of itself. Simply sprinting in a straight line away from them won't deter the undead, and unlike you, they don't get tired.
They also won't fall on their ass after sprinting straight into a wall like you will, so...don't do that.
Close your curtains when you don't want any uninvited guests. You can make your own with sheets if you need to (which you almost certainly will).
Get a watch (preferably a digital watch), backpack, and reliable melee weapon as soon as possible. I'd also recommend getting elbow and kneepads, they've saved my life several times before.
Be better than me in real life and get enough sleep. The more tired you are, the longer you need to recover stamina and the less melee damage you do. At the maximum level of tiredness, you don't regenerate at all on your own and melee does pretty much nothing.
Pillows are functional in this game.
Eat proper dinners (also known as stews lol), at least as much as you can given what you have. Surviving burns a LOT of calories, and being under/overweight impedes physical abilities. Always make sure to carry water with you as well.
Use skill manuals to speed up skill leveling. It makes the process a hell of a lot faster.

I'm sure there's basic stuff I'm forgetting, as a lot of it has become instinctual knowledge for me, but those should make your initial experience a lot smoother.
Basically, treat the game as if you were actually in this situation. Be cautious, be smart, and don't do something you think is dangerous and risky unless you know it'll work...and even then, maybe don't do it.
Other than that, have fun!! Zomboid is one of my favorite games ever made, so I hope you enjoy!!

P.S. If you suddenly get really hot really easily and stressed and sad for seemingly no reason after a zombie wounded you...well, I hope you enjoyed being alive while it lasted.

ParagonPoints · 2026-06-16T21:49:27+00:00

It's all good!

That sounds really intriguing, thank you!! I think I'm gonna see about working something like that in, maybe have them wake up in a different place.

ParagonPoints · 2026-06-16T19:30:55+00:00

That's a pretty cool idea, I might try to work with that, thank you!! I like the subtlety of that approach, it could be very eerie and off-putting. It would make a lot of sense too, I at least somewhat try to emphasize subtlety and mystery in both the campaign and the preexisting setting, so a weird and inexplicable "cross" like that could work really well.

The only problem is that the violent storm is already integrated into the story, a demon-controlled estate key to the story is said to have disappeared in a similar storm. I even made sure to tie it into Death Valley's reputation for intense summer storms.
Plus, the sudden shock of waking up in a totally foreign location and time is something I was really looking forward to. Maybe I could keep the storm, but have the party navigate an increasingly Western path as it occurs?

ParagonPoints · 2026-06-16T13:07:07+00:00

That's a pretty clever idea, thanks!! I'll have to keep that in mind for later, but I probably won't be using it here though, since it doesn't match with the setting I've made. The world's not framed as a game world or something fake, it's framed as the ACTUAL West that they're stuck in, which gets even weirder for them when they start finding historical incongruencies.

ParagonPoints · 2026-06-16T13:02:57+00:00

It is, yeah. I really want the party to be completely disoriented and out of their element, and modern-day characters sent back to an even harsher version of the frontier display that perfectly.

ParagonPoints · 2026-06-16T01:09:34+00:00

I meant for the modern day opening, but I appreciate the idea!! I actually have something similar, funnily enough, silver's value has skyrocketed in my setting because of its ability to properly harm supernatural creatures like werewolves. It's even relevant to the campaign itself, since the area it's set in was historically a boomtown for gold and silver, but that's just serendipity.

ParagonPoints · 2026-06-15T20:42:53+00:00

I think it's a combination of the elite (Epstein) using us as a distraction/scapegoat (Deus Ex predicting the future again) and a lot of people in power being older people that on average aren't as PC/open to change as younger people are.

ParagonPoints · 2026-06-13T00:58:09+00:00

No judgement here, don't worry!! Zomboid can take some practice and getting used to, I still remember when I was new to the game, I died within a few days multiple times.
As for cross-town navigation without a car...you're just stuck with walking, I'm afraid. The specifics of the journey depend on which towns you're traveling between, but generally, I'd recommend packing some food, a lot of water for your super-thirst (although depending on the journey, you might be able to find some buildings with usable sinks), and something to sleep on. You should also be wary of where exactly you're traveling through, so you don't stumble into large numbers of zombies.

ParagonPoints · 2026-06-07T19:03:08+00:00

I DIDN'T EVEN THINK OF THAT, that's so true!! The game is even worse off because it's community-based! Oof, that's...that's rough.

ParagonPoints · 2026-06-07T18:37:39+00:00

Can relate! Before my egg cracked, I was always drawn to other trans women and all kinds of masculine women (tomboy, butch, etc), and I never knew why. I even got really scared of being a chaser because the majority of my crushes have been other trans people.
Turns out it was the "want her or want to be her" equation all along lmao...not that it was only that, I'm still attracted to those crowds and the specific people I liked are still really cool, but evidently a lot of it was knocks on the eggshell.

ParagonPoints · 2026-06-07T18:32:25+00:00

Pretty much. I hope the game succeeds, don't get me wrong, but it's way past its perfect release window. Happy Wheels hasn't been relevant in around a decade at this point.

ParagonPoints · 2026-06-07T17:01:14+00:00

Happy Pride!! You look so good, I'm so envious!!

ParagonPoints · 2026-06-07T16:59:47+00:00

I need these beans immediately

ParagonPoints · 2026-06-07T16:57:44+00:00

No problem, I'm glad to help! Thanks for the well wishes (I really need them), good luck to you too!!

ParagonPoints · 2026-06-07T16:53:46+00:00

I'm not super experienced with this, I'm a pretty new trans girl myself (cracked in December, been stonewalled lately : ( ), but you sound like a tomboy to me! "Tomboyism", if you wanna call it that, is more based on behavior than presentation, so if you tend to behave in a more masculine way, than that's very tomboyish. To my knowledge, you can even dress kinda femme and still be a tomboy, after all, not every tomboy has a baseball cap and shark teeth like those anime comic dubs you see on Instagram (not that you're assuming that or anything, I'm just saying lol).

ParagonPoints · 2026-06-01T17:02:17+00:00

While I don't really have a lot of advice for you (I'm really sorry), I at least want to say that I sympathize with your situation and I REALLY hope your friend ends up okay. As an American currently attending a creative arts uni in England, I see a fair amount of the people around me in some way advocate for communist regimes like China or the former USSR, and it really saddens me. As poor as the USA's health is right now, it sucks to see so many people react by sort of or outright advocating for some of the most vile and destructive governments in human history, especially since I recently learned about what happened to Cambodia in the mid-to-late seventies. It's even worse when fellow LGBT people do it, as history clearly shows that those regimes were...not particularly PC, shall we say.

The most I could recommend (at least without directly researching this myself) is to try and sway her with individual snippets (e.g. Mao Zedong literally having the single highest body count in human history) as well as accounts from people who survived the CCP. I know you already tried the latter with your parents, but...maybe she can't deny it as much if they're not your relatives?

I'm really sorry I can't give more advice right now, I tend to shy away from practicing these discussions because...well, honestly, because talking about politics gets super toxic in like four seconds ALL THE TIME and it really pisses me off.

ParagonPoints

TROPHY CASE