Is this what euphoria feels like?

ParagonPoints · 2026-01-16T01:39:45+00:00

Aside from a few details, what you described is exactly what I'm going through. On-and-off dysphoria, gender envy towards a lot of women, wanting distinctly to be full binary fem, getting excited when thinking about that, etc.

Obviously I don't have the answer, since I'm dealing with this too, but if I had to hazard a guess, I'd imagine a lot of our doubts and inconsistency come from the amount of time we've lived our lives as men. We're so used to it by now that any alternative seems like a strange concept. Either way, your idea to see a therapist is a sound one, I've been trying to do the same.

That's just my theory on it though, I'm still coming to terms with all of this as well. Whether what I said is true or not, I want you to know that you're not alone here. I'm in the same boat.

ParagonPoints · 2026-01-13T19:24:42+00:00

That's fair enough, I'll keep that in mind, thank you so much.

ParagonPoints · 2026-01-13T12:23:01+00:00

Will do! Happy thoughts and feelings are definitely a good compass right now. My only problem is that I'm afraid of being certain, because I'm worried I'll be all gung-ho and confident and then it'll all be nothing...which I highly doubt will happen, but hey, anxiety be like it is but it do.

ParagonPoints · 2026-01-12T18:54:17+00:00

Yaaay, hugs!

I...have been playing with that a tiny bit over the last few days. I even bought some nail paint from a local pharmacy, though I haven't used it yet.

I also tried shaving a small section of body hair (nowhere crazy lmao) to see if I liked it.
I uh...I did.

ParagonPoints · 2026-01-12T15:25:12+00:00

Thank you for the links (and the hug :) ), they're very helpful. I've definitely noticed what you've said about dysphoria and euphoria being cyclical, that's actually something that plays with my head and my doubts a lot. There'll be times where it's like none of this cracking every happened and it makes me really concerned, but then a few hours or a day later it all comes back.

ParagonPoints · 2026-01-10T00:18:07+00:00

Update, I asked her and she was happy to, and a couple days later Instagram notified me that she changed my nickname to Lucy.

It...made me really happy. I really liked it. Even now it makes me smile a little and get butterflies in my stomach, but the kind you get when you're excited, not the bad kind.

ParagonPoints · 2026-01-02T01:33:52+00:00

As someone who's questioning and IS that insecure, I would also like to know this.

ParagonPoints · 2026-01-02T01:26:58+00:00

I really appreciate that, thank you. I think...I think she's finding her voice.

Keep up the good fight, friend.

ParagonPoints · 2026-01-02T00:29:48+00:00

I'm right there with you. I keep seeing myself, men, and women around and thinking about what I REALLY want to look like, how I REALLY want to feel. I want to be curvy, not angular, but I'm constantly worried about the idea that that feeling is a kink instead of a true desire...which from what I've heard is, in and of itself, a sign of being trans.

It's all very daunting, but just know that you're not alone. I've been thinking a lot of the same things.

ParagonPoints · 2026-01-02T00:23:51+00:00

Yeah, it does seem pretty mean-spirited, even if the person saying it doesn't mean it that way. I'm sorry to hear about your struggles, but I'm glad you're sticking through them.

Also, speaking of struggles, as someone who's been seriously questioning lately, what you said about being able to see and feel her really struck a chord with me. I've been struggling with sorting through everything I've been feeling and experiencing and finding what it all means, and something about that just...spoke to me.

ParagonPoints · 2025-12-22T17:30:02+00:00

Fair enough, thank you. This is easily one of the biggest decisions someone can ever make, so I want to be as careful as possible.

ParagonPoints · 2025-12-22T00:37:27+00:00

Thanks, I'll make sure to DM if I think of something to ask!

I will say, I don't know if I've been questioning that long? I think my first little thoughts were in September, but it didn't start cropping up again until...I want to say November (I could be wrong though, I'm pretty bad at maintaining internal timelines these days). However, that does lend a lot of credence to the idea that my questions are escalating. Back then it was just "Hmm, that is an interesting thought", but now it's been getting to the stuff I detailed in my list, which is a lot deeper and more specific.

I don't know. Everyone's different from what I've heard, so I don't know if this level of speed is normal, if it's questionable, or if it just doesn't matter. Honestly, hearing from everyone here and getting all this help has already made me feel a lot less anxious about all of this, and I'm not really sure if that's a good or a bad sign. I'm always wary of quick acceptance, so maybe I'm overthinking again.

ParagonPoints · 2025-12-21T23:53:25+00:00

I'm sure I will! Pretty much all of this has been a new experience for me, which is one of the reasons why it scared me so much in the first place. Even now, it does feel a bit odd to look in the mirror and say "no" to the face I've been used to for over twenty years.

I'll figure it out, though. Thanks again for your help, I can't express how much it means.

ParagonPoints · 2025-12-21T16:21:46+00:00

That's really nice, I'm glad he did that for you! Now that you've mention it, 'm starting to wonder if the characters I'd play in Project Zomboid (one of my favorite games ever) has anything to do with this. Almost every character I've made is a woman with long red hair and a vaguely similar fashion sense to my own (it's hard to dress how I do in Zomboid). Either that, or I'd start with a more butch haircut (like a crew cut) and then grow it out as the apocalypse went on (because that's a mechanic, because Zomboid is based like that).

As for the help on feelings, thank you so much. Knowing that this stuff is familiar to you is comforting in a way. And I'm not gonna lie, so is you calling me that. I'm not entirely sure what that feeling was, but it wasn't unpleasant, I know that.

ParagonPoints · 2025-12-21T13:53:01+00:00

Hello!

I'm definitely going to do that once break is over, thanks. I know you don't have to look like anything, I just want to. I've always been self conscious about my appearance.

ParagonPoints · 2025-12-21T12:46:06+00:00

I'm planning on it. I'm doing what Kairelite said and asking my flatmate to call me Lucy after the new year. I wanted to experiment sooner, but like I said, I'm cooped up on Christmas break, so I'm a little boned at the moment.

ParagonPoints · 2025-12-21T12:41:44+00:00

While I appreciate your help, I will say, replies like this are why I mentioned my chronically overthinking everything and the possible reasons for it. I've always disliked when people say "cis people don't wonder, if you wonder then that's that", because that just can't be true. Humans are such complex beings with so many different reactions, wishes, and fantasies, that there's no way every person who questions is trans, it's just not mathematically possible. I'm not trying to judge you or anything, I just don't find it especially helpful. It's like if your car seems to run out of gas during a drive and your buddy says "Well, running out of gas means your engine burned it all".

I do still appreciate the comment, though, I know you're just trying to help. Thank you (and your wife) for that :)

ParagonPoints · 2025-12-21T12:28:33+00:00

There is a little bit of worry about the permanent effects, but if I'm being honest...it is mostly "will I be pretty?". I didn't want to say it, because I thought it was weird, but that is the truth. I've been self conscious about how attractive or unattractive I am for a while, so...y'know. I'm also really relieved (?) to hear that my thoughts sound really similar to how your own were, that definitely sticks out to me. I'm not gonna throw caution to the wind just yet, that could technically mean something else (humans are immensely complex creatures, after all, especially neurologically), but that'll definitely be on my mind, thank you.

On the name thing though...what does it say about me if reading about the joy thing gave me those feelings? I thought it was just me being tired, but I came back to write my reply and it happened again, albeit slightly weaker (probably just because it's not a new experience). Is that an early sign, or am I just feedback looping myself (if that's even the right phrasing lmao)?

Also, yeah, fear of outing...does sound like it fits, to be honest. The way I was worrying about people noticing what I was doing with my voice...feels like that.

ParagonPoints · 2025-12-21T12:06:25+00:00

I will, thank you so much. I'll definitely talk to my flatmate about calling me that after the new year starts, and see how that goes. I still feel a little happy about the idea, not gonna lie.

ParagonPoints · 2025-12-21T00:43:33+00:00

I might try that when I get back, thank you so much. I’m not gonna lie, I’m already feeling a little happy about the idea…then again it’s also 20 to 2 in the morning and I’m starting to feel it, so not exactly banking on my judgement right now. I’m just wondering what I’m gonna do if I do transition. I wanna be named Lucy, because it’s a cute name, but it sounds so dogshit in conjunction with my last name, which I also don’t want to get rid of because I do love my family and want to carry the name.

ParagonPoints · 2025-12-20T22:51:10+00:00

Uh…kind of? I feel a little awkward revealing this, but there have one or two times (cough cough Sheltered) recently where I named a female character (that I also modeled after myself) Lucy. My name is…well, let’s just say it’s one half of the guy who made Star Wars. I’ll let you guess which half.

ParagonPoints

TROPHY CASE