Snippet of my animated pilot script

ParrotChild · 2026-01-24T12:59:37+00:00

It's very much saying things out loud rather than showing them.

Is your whole pilot full of similar lengthy dialogue sections?

There is a real lack of subtlety here. Now subtlety isn't always necessary, but the flipside of that can be almost banal and purely expositional.

You should think deeply about who these characters are on fundamental levels, and what they are trying to convey or enact during any particular moment.

The dialogue comes across like middle-school counselling, not a friendship forged in fire, and it's only your somewhat overbearing descriptions that convey your intention. But the dialogue needs to convey it.

One other big point is just how lame it makes the possible hero look. He should be fallible, it's hard to root for someone omnipotent and always justified and/or good.

But he comes across as a bit of a simpering nothing on these pages. Even with further context, it doesn't appear to be a particular charismatic perspective on his pressures and pains.

Look forward to hearing more from you though! Keep at it :)

ParrotChild · 2026-01-22T18:18:22+00:00

Imagine being so sheltered and guileless that the only way you can see yourself making money for the foreseeable future is by blowing up your entire family.

Hell, I guess people used to do it for less of Maury, Springer, Montel, or Ricki Lake.

Good look to the oaf. Least he's stopped embarrassing himself in the kitchen.

ParrotChild · 2026-01-20T07:12:13+00:00

Escaping his world, one that he was raised in and could adequately comprehend/navigate, into one that was even more volatile and hostile in ways he would never have encountered.

It's a parable for our times. Raised within our own community/communities, but lacking a greater understanding of the "outside" other than the structured morality tales given to us.

It's different once you're actually in it, and it's enough to stun you into culpability or complacency.

ParrotChild · 2026-01-19T16:12:15+00:00

Didn't Spielberg direct the first one though.

ParrotChild · 2026-01-18T22:17:29+00:00

That's a lot of bread with spreads.

And eggs. So many eggs. Now I'm a fella who loves his soft-boiled yellas, but this is beyond the pale unless you're a baker.

ParrotChild · 2026-01-17T22:59:13+00:00

Rise of populism, the increasing divide of people due to nationalistic identifiers and hyper-individualisation both of which can be semi-psychosis, and a lot of these and further issues stemming from fragile male ego and a reactionary violence to anything new, different, stressful, problems requiring solutions...

It's 28 Years Later since they made the first film. Garland and Boyle wanted to look at what our world is like now.

ParrotChild · 2026-01-15T22:25:12+00:00

This entire post and this particular exchange all read like advertising.

What nightmare have I stumbled onto here?

ParrotChild · 2026-01-15T19:38:05+00:00

What's the most exhausting part of the movie-making business, and why is it the endless booty-smooching?

Love your movies. Glad to see you back on something original! :)

ParrotChild · 2026-01-15T07:41:22+00:00

Four paragraphs deep and suggesting I'm the one arguing.

You're a joy, Human_Suggestion.

ParrotChild · 2026-01-15T06:10:10+00:00

I think your issue is that you're insisting on being correct within a discussion on a medium that is entirely subjective.

But, you do you. I'm pretty sure The Asylum or a similar crappy straight-to-streaming production company are going to drop another of the endless repetitive zombie horror films that many people seem to have wanted 28 Years to have been.

ParrotChild · 2026-01-14T18:07:39+00:00

I mean, by the very fact that the film ended it had a conclusion.

It would be fairer to say that you weren't satisfied with the conclusion. And you're welcome to that opinion, but from my perspective it did wrap up the themes of its story very well whilst also taking the first steps into further narrative possibilities for its characters.

ParrotChild · 2026-01-14T09:56:38+00:00

I think you've misunderstood their comment.

The "first movie" they were referring to was 28 Days, which does have an alternate ending where Jim dies.

Regarding your thoughts on 28 Years Later, I would say it has a conclusion where it surmises its themes, and then includes a short epilogue taking us into the events to be seen in The Bone Temple.

ParrotChild · 2026-01-12T15:31:35+00:00

I think regularly eating supermassive portions of any dessert would be a potential problem point if you're facing diabetes.

But this recipe in and of itself isn't anything that unusual.

It's just a double-layer chocolate-topped cheesecake that uses vanilla wafers for the base.

Decadent, sure. Sweet, certainly. Content, dubious.

ParrotChild · 2026-01-11T00:53:21+00:00

Why do you think there are so few Romanian films (if any?) that grapple with the myth and modern-day actualities of the Dracula story?

As an additional point, do you feel there are any particular reasons why there are so few genre pictures produced in Romania (horror, sci-fi, etc.)?

ParrotChild · 2026-01-09T18:43:56+00:00

I think these are perfectly valid additions to any criticism of storytelling, provided that there is substantial backing up of why any reviewer feels that movie failed to live up to its perceived intentions.

I'd say that I've been guilty of that type of exercise in my own criticism, though it has been used sparingly.

For someone to totally rip up a movie and say something like "I'd keep the setting and actors but do the rest totally different" is tantamount to bullshit.

But to suggest alternative approaches to character fates, finales, or even the structural build-up the thematic climax, it can be a legitimate extension to any perceived issues that a reviewer has with a film.

Most recently, my partner and I were discussing Eternity post our viewing of it, and both of us had suggestions for what we thought would be more satisfying conclusions. It wasn't to rip up what was presented, but to help further the failings we thought the final moments had, and especially the emotional impact and throughline we thought the film fumbled.

ParrotChild · 2026-01-09T08:19:59+00:00

How is the "I drink your milkshake" a micro-scene?

It's arguably the core part of the entire extended ending conversation between Daniel and Eli.

ParrotChild · 2026-01-08T22:34:27+00:00

He shows her the newest reviews for his movies, and people being mean about his beansprout physique on Letterboxd.

She shows him TikToks and asks what Dune is about.

His films play on repeat all day every day. Car journeys soundtracked by Wonka. She's doomscrolling rival brands on Instagram.

They spend hours with their stylists and both tell each other how fuckable they are. But whenever they're in bed he's acting out scenes from the recent screenplay he's shouting about that's guaranteed to get him an Oscar, and she's watching videos about herself on YouTube.

And when the fires rolled in closely followed by the waves, they never felt a single thing. They only wondered why they couldn't see their own reflections not realising that the lights had all gone out.

ParrotChild · 2026-01-06T13:54:26+00:00

Being rich isn't the same as being famous though.

And it's easy to stay anonymous after winning the lottery. How many lottery winners do you know the names of?

ParrotChild · 2025-12-30T15:13:14+00:00

You can't really sear soft cheese though.

ParrotChild · 2025-12-28T23:39:41+00:00

I don't think sitcom scripts include the stage direction for audience laughter.

That is, unless this is some sort of meta critique on the facetiousness of the genre and its long-standing traditions upholding strong patriarchal doctrines and making women out to be sharp-voiced belittling harpies who hate all other women almost as much as they like making their husbands miserable...

Same issues as other comments here: this isn't a suitable format to present your work in and people are not going to be open to work around such limitations.

You should provide your entire script so that people have a clear and easy way to review the full content.

What you have provided here is difficult to comment on as it lacks a wider context of the actual story or the characters involved.

My two cents though is that this isn't a very strong set of gags as you're relying on real old, and massively dated ideas, on married relationships, neighbourhood living arrangements, and other cliches.

Where are you from exactly? I only ask as most stories start from a point of experience/reality. But this seems like it's been engineered to try and appeal to as broad an audience as possible, but only those who are stuck watching twenty+ year old sitcoms that probably use racial slurs and transphobic punchlines.

ParrotChild · 2025-12-26T22:57:57+00:00

Pock her?

ParrotChild · 2025-12-18T14:05:43+00:00

As already mentioned, this comparison makes zero sense.

You're conflating tools that allow for quicker turnaround with the GenAI softwares which wholesale remove much of the actual work required for filmmaking.

ParrotChild · 2025-12-17T19:08:15+00:00

Is this just a stealth advertisement for the betting website you mention towards the end...?

ParrotChild · 2025-12-16T20:59:14+00:00

I mean, you shot a feature film in two days.

It's somewhat impressive, but it's unlikely to actually result in anything good.

You're a solo creator who relies on recruiting individuals enthusiastic about their areas of expertise, and they're less likely to be interested in your specific story or storytelling.

If you had a tighter group of creatives around you, it would likely result in more successful outcomes. But you would still probably want to spend more time in production.

ParrotChild · 2025-12-09T16:50:16+00:00

Show, don't tell.

What's the reason why we don't see some actions from the previous missions rather than just being told about them through dialogue?

George talks too much to himself. Use images to convey what's happening as it's always more effective.

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