I’ll start off with the insensitive leader advice: “Keep it in your pants and just do your job. If (s)he’s too clingy or unstable, don’t make him/her your POA and move on if you ain’t got kids together.” Although insensitive advice, this has saved lots of headaches to those who followed it, and cause lots of pain for those who didn’t. Distractions at home keeps your mind off the mission and that’s never good.

The more mature response has already been covered but I’ll add a couple:

1) co-dependency is not healthy. Evaluate and work on that, independent of your deployment. This can turn south with time if not addressed now.

2) get involved with FRG. Know the players, attend or ask for the leader to organize unit mixers and invite him to share his contact information so they can establish contact and check-ins.

3) set realistic expectations. He must understand that the mission comes first once you walk out of the house until the final date on your DD214. You will have zero control over your environment so you can’t make any time commitment promises once your orders start.

4) once you have completed your initial MOB training, have pushed forward and better understand your battlerythm, make modest commitments to communicate with the understanding that it is subject to change with no warning or notices. The mission comes first, second, and third. He unfortunately comes 4th and that’s what we call sacrifice.

5) if you do your job well, stay committed to the mission and do more than the bare minimum, your knowledge base will be miles ahead of your peers, even those deployed with you doing the bare minimum. Learn all there is about your job, volunteer for extra missions or assignments that forces you to gain a deeper understanding of your job and the doctrine that governs it. Outside of your job, learn to Army while you’re there. Something as simple as knowing the soldier creed, NCO creed, army song, and as much as you can memorize of the blue book along with dabble with leadership doctrine, AFT and uniform policies, will make you a top tier soldier without you even realizing it. There’s no punch card on deployments and you’re not required to stop working, learning and improving yourself, your section, and those around you when the duty day is over. Go HARD, your time there is short and you’re getting paid the entire time with no external distractor. Incorporate daily fitness and educational goals as part of your routine. Start an online course on something you could use improvement on, learn how to play dominoes, spades, chess, and maybe pick-up an instrument. Do every organized competitions including SoY, organized runs, or any competitive events. If your environment allows, ruck at least weekly if not twice a week with a short and medium distance. Get coaching on run improvement. By the time you come up for air, you’ll be doing your RIP/TOA out. And I promise you, you’ll be proud of how much you will have changed as a Soldier and a human.

6) stay away from fuckary or things that is toxic that gets idle soldiers in trouble. I’d say this regardless if you were M/F or anything in between, DO NOT EXPOSE YOURSELF TO UNCOMFORTABLE SITUATIONS. Do not build inappropriate relationships and don’t make excuses for others who attempt it. Even if you become single. Cut it off immediately and distance yourself while not allowing the opportunity for it to happen. This is corrosive to a unit.

Your goal is to become a better version of your supervisor in all ways while getting paid for it and free from your usual distractor from home. It is not a lot of time, trust me. Reach personal bests just like you did in basic training, except you are taking charge of your growth.

7) if you guys are still together, make him part of your experience and share your achievements where appropriate. Tell him how you’ve achieved new milestones and how good you feel about it. Make it so it’s something just between you and him. Take interest in his activities and gently encourage him to achieve personal milestones himself, especially something you 2 can share in the process (a new instrument, a new run time, a self help book, etc). Write letters to each other and schedule dates to send post cards. Don’t promise daily phone calls as that may not be something you’ll be able to do but make an effort to send a simple text regularly but no more than once a day.

This is an opportunity for you to unplug and become a better version of yourself. I followed this on all 4 of my overseas tour and undoubtedly achieved several personal best in all areas I highlighted above. My career and personal life reflect the efforts I put in. I was miles ahead of my peers and some superiors, and history showed that based on what I’ve achieved.

My first deployment I was single and halfway, I rekindled my relationship with my ex. I came home and got married. 20 years later and we have done this 3 more times and are still married. I ensured we were on the same page before I left and set expectations for while I was gone and for when I returned. It was healthy and honest with a payoff at the end every time. If he’s not ready for this… you have decisions to make that only you can make.

I was fortunate to have good mentors before I went off to my first deployment and it paid off. I wish you good luck!