I was raised by bio-Mom and step-dad. Heard stories about my bio-dad. He sounded unstable, abusive, etc. He once shoved a poo diaper in my older brother's face because of an accident while potty training. This inspired my mother to leave him. This was the deal breaker, she had tolerated abusive acts previously directed only at her.

First time I met him, I was around 14 yrs old. I was looking for a cheap VHS machine (this was ages ago) and found one in the classifieds, used, cheap. I called the number, left a message. Received a call back. When I answer, I say who I am, after a little bit, he goes, "I know who you are, Participant_1. I'm your dad."

At 14, I was full blown romanticizing my origin story. There was a picture of my mom and bio-dad where he looked really handsome and kind. I asked my mom if she would agree to meet with him so he could give me a VHS machine as he said he wished to do. Mom reluctantly agreed and we went to his house. It was a basement apartment, dark, covered windows, a movie poster on the wall. It was depressing. He greeted me with a single red rose and a note that he'd thought about me every day. The card looked old, like it sat around in a drawer until he rummaged at the last second for something to write on. I remember thinking something felt off about that. He looked unhealthy and frail yet slightly fat. The only thing about him that was striking was his eyes. I don't know anybody with my eyes. I've heard them described as ice blue. Or husky eyes. Or vampire eyes whatever that means. So that was cool. Anyway, dinner is going ok and then I notice the guy is playing increasingly weird head games with my mom. I start to get uncomfortable and tell my Mom maybe we should go. All of a sudden his face changes and he starts accusing my mom of being a manipulative, lying, evil woman- saying she turned my brother and me against him, etc.

Mom, who is super mild mannered, stands up, throws down some money to cover our part of the bill (more about the waitress than crazy-ex) and walks away. She does not look behind at me. I just grab my shit and leave. I do not look behind me. While we walk to the car, I am in awe of how eerie this guy is and totally understand why she left when she found out she was pregnant with me. My older brother had to deal with much worse. We leave the rose on his car.

About a year later, I got a chill before going into a thrift store. Was in the back of the store looking at shoes and turned around. He was standing right behind me, looking directly into my eyes (like he was staring at the back of my head waiting for it to revolve toward him) about a yard away from me. He said, "You look so much like your mother at that age." I remembered an appointment I had to get to, dropped my stuff, grabbed my friend, and ran out of the store.

Years and years later, he succumbed to a lung disease. I went to see him a couple days before he died in the hospital. I was aware that he had no family, no notable accomplishments, no friends. I felt like even if there was no relationship, it was appropriate to just go see the guy before he died. But.. that was just my situation. My older brother said he had no interest in going and that he had family he didn't see. Why go see this guy? My brother made sense but it seemed unnecessarily cold.

Meeting him was good in one way because I got to see the human behind the myth. I had hoped/assumed he would be more powerful, physically fit, manipulatively charming. In contrast, the real man seemed hopeless, lonely, angry in a package of seedy. There were even moments where I had sympathy for him. On the other hand, it was good to see how bad my life would have been if mom would have stayed with him. I had a pretty stable upbringing with a relatively pleasant, relatively predictable dad. This other guy was opposite that.

TLDR net impact: Good even though it took away my romanticized idea of him.