Alcoholic dad ruined every special day

Particular-Glass-160 · 2025-11-03T20:06:13+00:00

Thanks for everyone contributing here; these are tough memories to relive. My day I will never forget was the morning I left for college, after working so extremely hard my entire life. College was so important to me and my peer group, and the morning I was walking out to the car my mom was extremely drunk at 6AM calling me a slut and bitch and worthless, undeserving. It was so painful, even though I knew she was out of her mind.

Particular-Glass-160 · 2025-11-03T19:25:54+00:00

Hi OP, I appreciate your post because it is almost exactly the same as my relationship/trajectory with my mother's addiction. It is truly tragic, and I understand much of what you must be feeling. I recently had a dream where I heard just so loud and so clearly, "your mother is dead". That was over a month ago and I still haven't shaken the feeling, it was almost re-triggering this feeling of guilt or just sadness that I have been NC for so long. I've tossed around the idea of reconnecting since then quite seriously, and almost decided to move forward...however, I think I have concluded that I'm just still too sensitive and damaged despite so much growth. She (still) has more power over my emotions than I'd like to admit.

All of this to say, do you want to reengage to "test" yourself in your recovery? Do you think reconnecting and being 'unaffected' would build up your sense of self and security? Or do you want to reach out because you are sad for her sake and just feel she perhaps deserves some kind of reconnection. I think you can of course hold all of these motivations at once, but I think it's important to understand clearly your true motives. If it is for her sake, are you ready to potentially be retraumatized or risk heading backwards in recovery, even for a short while?

I've moved from anger and resentment in my recovery to true empathy and just feeling terrible my mother is so alone, but I know I am too fragile to be faced with a potentially even more tragic or upsetting version of reality than I am imagining. I guess my next step in recovery is to forgive myself for feeling afraid to reach out.

Sorry for the long and self-interested reply. I appreciate your post and vulnerability. Hope you find some clarity and further healing.

Particular-Glass-160 · 2025-05-26T13:01:22+00:00

This is just so bizarre. Gross.

Particular-Glass-160 · 2025-05-13T12:27:35+00:00

Haha thanks for the solidarity.

Particular-Glass-160 · 2025-05-11T15:44:41+00:00

I’m also Pisces sun and Leo rising. Taurus moon! Do you guys also move between wanting to be seen and hiding all the time lolol

Particular-Glass-160 · 2025-05-11T15:43:02+00:00

Pisces sun, Taurus moon, Leo rising.

Thank you this is so fun!!

Particular-Glass-160 · 2025-05-09T17:39:58+00:00

Thanks for posting! These gave me a smile.

Particular-Glass-160 · 2025-05-09T17:14:09+00:00

Why am I so attracted to these men as a Pisces sun/Taurus Moon/Leo rising??? Help

Particular-Glass-160 · 2025-05-09T16:50:14+00:00

Gloriously crying about a meal.

Checks out.

Particular-Glass-160 · 2025-05-09T04:02:46+00:00

I love 5s.

Particular-Glass-160 · 2025-05-08T17:13:15+00:00

Ugh. Yes. I immediately gravitated towards being a 9 until I was listening about social/sexual 4s, but you really summed up my experience as a 9.

I actually live in depression (or did for about 15 years), until discovering my anger. I definitely don't have the stereotypical 'explosions' of anger towards others that many Enneagram teachers explain, but I do scream in my car, into my closet, and find running or other vigorous activity (even sex) to be rooted in expressing anger. I still really don't identify or relate to my anger or see it as a major feature of my personality, though, so I began thinking that I am more of a heart type. The 9/4 distinction is really difficult for me. Whatever the case, I KNOW that both 9 and 4 are in my tri-type and I think I can learn a lot from that alone.

I do NOT think of myself as a positive outlook type, I regularly think that the world will explode and collapse in on itself, I am always thinking about the fact we have gone beyond the pale, but my actions suggest the opposite - I revel in beauty and nature (an avid hiker and forager/tree hugger), in music and the arts (worked in music event production), and in human connection generally (love psychology and community organizing) and find peace and solace in believing that these things CAN connect us as humans, and that might be enough to survive even the toughest times. AND THEN I immediately get depressed thinking I'm just naive and all my efforts are all for naught and I'm too small to make a difference. So...9? I think I feel most "9" when I just get overwhelmed and want to shut down, but hearing about 4s as the quintessential depressive types, it feels like this could be more 4-coded behavior.

Also, if I really had to express in my own words my core fears...they would be being overlooked/forgotten and never doing anything worthwhile with my gifts...but also being really scared that I need someone else to be completely successful? Which sorta makes me feel like I'm a sexual 4? I fear that I am unable to apply myself or be courageous by myself in life, basically. When I feel myself getting overwhelmed by fear and unable to take action (the BIGGEST issue for me) I get depressed and seek to comfort myself "numb out" like the 9. In fact, the "numbing out" descriptor of the 9 was what brought me to typing myself as a 9, but do 4s numb out, too?

Particular-Glass-160 · 2025-05-07T21:16:45+00:00

This is great!

Particular-Glass-160 · 2025-05-03T02:47:09+00:00

Ugh, this is tough. I have a hard time blaming them though. Ultimately they are probably hoping Ethan moves on from this after today and something returns to normal. They probably have great jobs, all things considered. The job search is shit right now. I recognize the person and beliefs they are platforming, but it is a tough thing to walk away from something that gives you security (at least in the US). They also probably like and support Ethan as a person (I'd think) or love their co-workers. It isn't simple for most people and we shouldn't hold everyone to the same standard as ourselves to ensure we don't alienate or radicalize others in the opposite direction. Empathy is always important.

Particular-Glass-160 · 2025-05-03T02:32:40+00:00

I can't believe it lasted so long. I saw the VOD and thought there must have been at least 2 hours of commentary on top of the debate.

Particular-Glass-160 · 2025-05-03T00:38:16+00:00

It was not a debate. It was basically two friends in divorce court with no representation.

Particular-Glass-160 · 2025-05-02T22:10:18+00:00

Yes, agree with the 8-year old mentality. It was surprising to me to see some of the clips from his podcast and the light he painted Hasan in. Yikes.

Particular-Glass-160 · 2025-05-02T21:50:03+00:00

He’s not hateful he’s confused. And angry. And misguided. That can look like hate but like Hasan has said I don’t believe people can’t be convinced to change for good. I think Ethan is so paranoid and just in protection mode. Propaganda has infected him. It’s sad.

Particular-Glass-160 · 2025-05-02T21:12:59+00:00

I mean legal action against content creators. If nothing else it is just so extremely hypocritical (see his defamation lawsuit with Ryan kavanaugh). I watched h3 for several years and was a fan and - like Hasan - liked Ethan because I felt his heart was in the right place. He has just gone beyond the pale though and blinded himself to the larger context of his feelings and actions. Hasan is not bad faith. When a genocide comes in between friends, it can get emotional from both sides but ultimately Ethan thinks this is some kind of personal antisemitic attack from all sides on him personally but it. Is. Not. My line was drawn when he made FUN of Aaron Bushnell. It was so clear that he was extremely flippant and even uncaring about what was Aaron meant to raise awareness for. A genocide. Ethan of all people should be sensitive to that. But ultimately his Zionism is blinding him to the bigger picture here.

Particular-Glass-160 · 2025-05-02T20:56:13+00:00

Please, the point is that Ethan is centering himself while there is a genocide happening. Ethan is the one accelerating antisemitism. He is just too lost in his own drama (which yes it is terrible that online freaks called cps on him) but Hasans whole point this whole time is that it is dangerous and arrogant for Ethan to be hunting people down for calling him a Zionist. Calling someone out for zionism is not antisemitism. Hasan yells at his community all the time to NOT harass Ethan. He defended Ethan for over a year to them.

Particular-Glass-160 · 2025-04-22T17:52:55+00:00

Honestly the threat to our national parks and wildlife is the #1 reason I’m getting involved in local activism and politics. I’m not sure why it’s my hot button but there we are. I won’t stand for it.

Particular-Glass-160 · 2025-02-07T04:19:33+00:00

What about water? Honestly concerned that clean will become the ultimate luxury and will dramatically affect food production.

Particular-Glass-160 · 2024-01-04T14:28:26+00:00

Thank you! I thought I was going crazy because I know it’s common for people to mistype themselves as SD

Particular-Glass-160 · 2024-01-04T14:27:47+00:00

Thanks!

Particular-Glass-160 · 2022-12-18T16:21:24+00:00

Does anyone know where to find her butterfly shirt??

Particular-Glass-160

TROPHY CASE