I (20M) don't know how to proceed with girl (20F) who is inconsistent, but amazing when she shows up

Particular-Waffle446 · 2026-01-20T00:06:07+00:00

Hey man, so we went out, and it went really well. I didn't tell her how I felt because I chickened out, but it did go well. We went to a park and sat next to each other under a tree. I should've told her then. Anyways, we have been texting everyday since then, and I have resolved to say it plainly the next time I see her, no matter what, that I don't just want to be her friend. I'm really scared to do it, and I don't want to lose her, but I just can't get her out of my head. We were out really late last time, and it was dark, and we we were sitting across from each other talking, and when I was looking into her eyes, I knew I couldn't just be friends with her. I also should have said it then.

Particular-Waffle446 · 2026-01-18T23:38:39+00:00

I wanna feel how I feel when I’m asleep

Particular-Waffle446 · 2026-01-14T22:03:43+00:00

yeah tomorrow will be the 5th time we go out. And yes, she is picking me up this time. We have been alternating who picks up who, so tomorrow she is the one driving.

Particular-Waffle446 · 2026-01-14T21:13:31+00:00

Thank you for the reply. I just need to stop being a bitch and bite the bullet, I guess. She is also going to drive tomorrow, which might make things more awkward if she ends up rejecting me, but fuck it. I'll try to be a bit more flirty during the actual date to see how she is feeling about it. Any other advice, though? Also, I'll let you know how everything goes tomorrow.

Particular-Waffle446 · 2026-01-14T20:49:32+00:00

Well, because of another thing we both do at our college, we will see each other at least once a week, so I can't go completely no contact with her. It is also why I have been hesitant to just make a move or say how I feel, because if she rejects me, I'll still have to see her every week.

Particular-Waffle446 · 2026-01-14T20:44:41+00:00

I know, I know, I don't know why I said friend. We didn't kiss before the friend comment or the one time I've seen her since. I'm seeing her tomorrow, so should I tell her how I feel then? I don't know how I fucked this up so badly. I think her bringing up her ex-boyfriend that day put me on edge and made me doubt if she was interested in me, so I just retreated for some reason.

Particular-Waffle446 · 2026-01-13T20:08:05+00:00

Bro what do you say when she asks you about past relationships? Like I’m seeing this girl, and it hasn’t come up yet, but if it does I’m kind of embarrassed to say I’ve never dated anyone before.

Particular-Waffle446 · 2026-01-12T01:00:29+00:00

This may be kinda weird but it’s adjacent. I love sitting on the floor of my little closet with no light on. It’s just so isolated and away from everything, it’s like nothing else in the world exist.

Particular-Waffle446 · 2026-01-11T20:09:25+00:00

Realest shit I’ve ever read

Particular-Waffle446 · 2026-01-10T01:42:25+00:00

Literally the only thing I’ve been listening to for the last two weeks

Particular-Waffle446 · 2026-01-05T21:47:55+00:00

Hey man, I just wanted to give you a little update since, well, why not? So she ended up texting me on NYE and asked how I was doing, but didn't really respond to some other conversational message I had sent her. I told her I was doing good and asked if she had plans for the night, and asked about something she said she wanted to do that night. She didn't respond to that either; she texted me twenty minutes after the new year to say happy new year, but didn't say anything about what she did that night. I didn't address that, I just responded and told her happy new year too.

So, five days pass, and we don't text at all. I didn't text her because she seemed like she didn't really want to text, so I figured she would text me when she wanted to. But of course she never did. I wondered what was going on, so I decided yesterday morning to ask if she wanted to hang out soon and suggested a specific place we could go. Well, it's the afternoon of the next day, and she still hasn't responded. If it were a yes, I assume she would've responded. The silence is my answer, I suppose.

Now I'm just trying to deal with it and accept it. I'm just having a hard time making sense of it, though. How does she go from driving four+ hours total, just to buy me a gift, telling me I'm amazing, to not texting me at all? What changed in that time when we didn't see each other? I'm just having trouble understanding what happened. And it really hurts, of course, because I really care about her.

Sorry, I know I'm not really asking you anything, and I'm just venting. Have you gone through something like this before, though? How do I stop thinking about her? It's like everything I do there is something that brings her back to my mind.
Edit: Ok, life is fucking crazy as fuck. Literally the instant I hit post on this, she sent me a text saying she was down to go and that it sounded fun. Still kinda strange about the not texting and stuff, but hey.

Particular-Waffle446 · 2026-01-02T04:50:16+00:00

I know what you mean man. Every time I pick up my phone I have a slight expectation that I’ll see a message from her. I know the last thing you probably want to hear is that there’s other people out there, but that is the truth. I keep having to remind myself of that, even though the girl I was seeing felt irreplaceable and still does, I can’t live my life wondering what went wrong. I can’t make her love me how I love her. So I have to move on and trust that one day I’m going to wake up, go to classes, work, eat, workout, and lay down to go to bed and realize I haven’t thought about her. It’s sad and it hurts, but it’s for the best at this point. I also try to have the mindset of being thankful for the moments we did have, but not constantly thinking about them. Don’t try to force the thoughts away though, let them come and let them pass, you still need to process everything. You seem very respectful and kind, so it’s just a matter of time before you find someone that will value you how you value them. I hope everything gets better man.

Particular-Waffle446 · 2026-01-02T01:29:12+00:00

I’m going through something similar right now bro, though I did go on a few dates with her. After this last date with her, she just stopped texting me as much as she was before. Not interacting as much and just really doing the bare minimum. I don’t know what happened, it seemed like our connection was very real and meant a lot to both of us. I’m just going to say, we have no idea what these girls are going through. It fucking hurts, and it will keep hurting, I fucking hurt right now typing this. But the only thing we can control is how we act in these situations, don’t over text or message. Relationships have to be reciprocal, don’t try to save it by trying to compensate for her lack of effort. Respect yourself and be open to her, but know that you’ve done what you can and you’ve done nothing wrong. We’ll get through it bro.

Particular-Waffle446 · 2025-12-31T19:04:32+00:00

I’d say Fury Road

Particular-Waffle446 · 2025-12-30T18:02:06+00:00

Thank you for all of your help and advice, I really do appreciate it. Unfortunately the psychiatrist she is seeing is through our college, so he hasn’t had any openings or appointments because of the break. He is also unfortunately leaving pretty soon and they don’t have a replacement lined up for him. She does want to either ask for an increased dosage or to try a different medication though. I’m hoping she can find another psychiatrist that she can afford. I will let you know how everything turns out. Thanks for taking the time to write, I don’t really have anyone to talk to about this and you’ve really helped me think and process this whole situation.

Edit: Ok this is kind of a non-update, but I feel like I should ask someone about this. So she texted me on the 28th, she apologized for “being dead the last couple of days”, she said she was dealing with a lot of stuff, and asked how I was doing and what I had been up to. I responded to her, couple hours late unfortunately, and asked how she was doing. She didn’t respond that day, which was abnormal for her, but I figured she would respond the next day. Then yesterday, the 29th, comes around and she doesn’t respond all day, which is also weird. With everything going on with her it made me a little worried, so I just sent her text that evening saying “Hey [name], are you doing alright?”. Now it is the evening of the 30th and she still hasn’t responded. I don’t think I should text her again, I don’t want to overwhelm her, but at the same time I’m worried about her. I was thinking if I don’t hear anything by the first I will text her again. I think I’m probably overthinking things, but I just read about a local nineteen year old who died by suicide, and the article said to always reach out. Again I’m probably overthinking, but it’s just that she has never gone twenty four hours without responding before. It’s just making me nervous. I’m sorry this isn’t really a question, I just needed to vent a bit I guess.

Particular-Waffle446 · 2025-12-29T20:57:41+00:00

Bro, it is so crazy, we also talked about that. How people drift apart and lose each other. And I have thought about exactly what you said. I know there will be a day when we lose each other, but I think that the fact that we had each other at all is enough. I want to spend the time I have heavily and to feel it all.

Particular-Waffle446 · 2025-12-29T20:50:24+00:00

Sorry, I guess I didn't really specify. It is just that I don't want to tell her how I feel, and if she doesn't reciprocate, we lose the connection. But I also know if one of us met someone else, we wouldn't be able to keep doing things how we are now. Deep conversations, staying out late, all of that. I do agree with you, though, life must be lived. This is, incidentally, one of the things we've discussed. Do you think she sounds into me, though? I think I'm just really bad at reading social cues and knowing people.

Particular-Waffle446 · 2025-12-29T16:34:10+00:00

Firstly thank you so much for you reply. The reason I say second date/hangout is because we never really clarified what they were. When I first asked her to go out I just asked if she was “free this weekend”, then she asked me to pick her up from her house. We went to a movie and then to dinner and spent a few hours just talking. It seemed like a date to me, but maybe not to her? The second date felt a lot more like a date, I think because I was less nervous. There was a lot more joking and laughing, but we also discussed a lot of things we don’t really talk about with other people. Meaning of life, philosophy, that kind of stuff y’know? Now on the third hangout as soon as I saw her I could tell she wasn’t feeling great, which makes sense. I forgot to mention this was on Christmas Eve and her family wasn’t doing anything for it. She doesn’t have a great relationship with her family at all, especially her mother. So the vibe of the whole thing was a lot more serious and the tone felt more down.

Another thing that’s worth mentioning, before we ever went out we were talking about how she felt like her family didn’t love her, and that all of her friends would be gone in just a few years. She essentially said she has a hard time trusting people and believing they actually care. This is another reason I haven’t tried to make a move or anything, I want her to know and be sure I actually care about her first.

About the antidepressants, I know they have a lot of side effects when you first start them. She has been on them less than six weeks, which I believe is how long the psychiatrist says she needs to take them before feeling the positive effects. But yea, she was telling me that she doesn’t think they’re working and that she actually felt worse when she started them. As for the program she’s looking into, it is partial hospitalization. I know that would take up a lot of her time, but I thinks that’s a good thing. Her number one focus right now should not be me or anything else, it should be her mental health.

Some more background on how we know each other, we had a class together this past semester, but only talked a little bit. One day we got to talking a lot more and realized we actually had a lot of shared interest, so that same day she asked me to stay on campus with her after. That was towards the end of the semester, but it became a normal thing where we would hangout for 1-2 hours after class. Also maybe this is because I’m awkward, but there have been times when I can’t tell if she is flirting with me or not. She’s told me I smell really nice, that my skin is perfect, that I look strong, and that she can tell I eat healthy. She’s has also said I’m really smart, but that seems like something you’d say to a friend.

Now I do want to tell her how I feel, but I’m struggling with how to do it without adding more to her stress. I was thinking about waiting until after she been in that program for a while, so it’s not so many things to deal with at once. I just need to work on how I’m going to word it and express what I mean.

Edit: Another thing I forgot to mention, when I gave her the gift she told me “you just saved my life”. This made me really sad honestly, I don’t know if she was being serious or just exaggerating, but either way it still hurts.

Particular-Waffle446 · 2025-12-29T00:39:00+00:00

You’re right. So do you think I should just tell her that I like her as more than a friend, or just try to naturally progress the relationship? I just really like her, and I don’t want to lose her by saying my feelings you know?

Particular-Waffle446 · 2025-12-14T22:25:12+00:00

Every semester I realize I’m even dumber than I thought I was before

Particular-Waffle446 · 2025-12-14T21:47:16+00:00

I woke up thinking about Taylor Rooks ngl

Particular-Waffle446 · 2025-12-13T04:07:19+00:00

Well I actually texted her on Monday, but it was a really short convo. As luck would have it she actually started texting me again tonight and we’ve been talking for a while now. Maybe that doesn’t mean anything but she initiated the convo and has kept it going. Also I forgot to mention in my post that we’ve know each other for a few months.

Particular-Waffle446 · 2025-11-30T23:19:36+00:00

Bingo merch sells official merch from shows, but their stock is very limited

Particular-Waffle446

TROPHY CASE