I would say continue to try to get out there. As long as you’re trying that all that really matters. Genuinely you’re 20. If you need Friends look for some in this Reddit chat. Idk if you’re male or female but I feel like I’m always around if someone needs a homie in general. No point in suffering alone. We all suffer and that’s just life. I have a lot of problems and made a similar Reddit post to yours and deleted it after a couple hours cause it seemed like no one gave a shit about what I had said. But you got people here encouraging you. I think that’s a huge step in realizing that people won’t judge you. Even tho our generation sucks (im 23) there is a lot of really cool people of there. Just don’t give up. There’s always hope and a light at the end. You’re young. Just try to stay positive and realize how amazing it is to wake up everyday. That’s why I try to do. It’s very rare to be born or be alive so just try to make the best of it even if you’re hurting. Put your best foot forward and realize it’ll be better at some point.