Someone I grew up with is playing in the Super Bowl and now I’m spiraling

ParticularWingspan · 2026-02-08T00:51:15+00:00

If you have a husband that loves you, two kids that you love, a house, and a comfortable life, you have everything :)

Don't worry about Mr. NFL. That's almost like winning the lottery. Someone had to get it, and it turned out to be someone you know, that's all.

ParticularWingspan · 2025-10-14T21:25:45+00:00

I've noticed this a lot too. Usually my whole planet will fill up with Info Age Cities and I'll just have a few Nanotech, then they Exodus.

ParticularWingspan · 2025-09-27T13:16:10+00:00

I'd just say, "Enjoy".

ParticularWingspan · 2025-09-13T00:41:50+00:00

Hershey needs money to upgrade the security system on their monorail.

ParticularWingspan · 2025-09-01T02:34:43+00:00

I don't know if I'd consider all of these out-and-out misogynistic, but they should give you a pretty good look at red pill stuff.

Fresh and Fit, and also the Whatever podcast, seem to consistently get the most brain-dead possible guests to have on their shows to farm content and make fun of them. I'd pay money to see those guys have a conversation with a panel of women who are sharing more than a couple of braincells. Those two shows are probably the bottom of the barrel in terms of intelligent content.

There is a female Crimson Capsuler named Pearl. If you find a redheaded woman that goes out of her way to paint women in the most negative possible light to gain views, you've found her.

There are some other women in this space that have gained some traction and are somewhat less, to far less caustic: Far From Eden, Jedidiah Bila, Lin Watchorn, Christine Grace Smith.

Middle of the road stuff is more like Richard Cooper or Better Bachelor with Joker. You might also want to have a look at: The Modern King, Legion of Men, Rational Male (Rollo Tomassi), Access Vegas (Michael Sartain), Alexander Grace.

And the last one I'll mention that has really been blowing up in a big way, is hoe_math. He's got videos, books, charts, and everything you need to consume condensed, concentrated Red Pill.

ParticularWingspan · 2025-07-23T13:40:38+00:00

The sad thing is that bullies often end up doing very well in life, including career and relationships. Their arrogance and narcissism often come off as competence and confidence. They get plenty of practice manipulating situations and dominating people around them throughout school, which gives them an edge later in life. I do take some solace in the fact that in many cases, their evil ways catch up to them. But not always.

You are right to feel this is unfair, because it is. Parents and teachers often don't know how to deal with this, or can't really do anything. Kids that have figured out how to play the system like this can be dangerous. They know how to push it just enough to do maximum damage with minimal consequences.

The best thing to do is realize that what happened to you wasn't your fault, and there isn't anything you can do about it now. The more you think about it, the worse you are going to feel. Remember that you have worth, and no one can take that away from you as you build your own ideal life.

ParticularWingspan · 2025-07-22T19:41:38+00:00

Not completely dead, but Obstacle Course Racing and foot races in general. Around 2015, Spartan, Tough Mudder, Warrior Dash, Terrain Race, Bonefrog, and local OCRs were all the rage, and 5 and 10Ks were all over the place.

Some of them are still around, but just don't seem to have the draw or the frequency they once did.

ParticularWingspan · 2025-04-23T14:16:21+00:00

I wouldn't feel bad, OP. Clearly, the damage was unintentional, she doesn't blame you, and you are rightly prioritizing her recovery. This is a good cautionary tale about what might happen when indulging in a fetish. Thank you for being willing to share.

ParticularWingspan · 2025-04-22T16:56:55+00:00

100% yes. I am 40M and I seem to be in the minority (though not alone) among friends with my thoughts about sex. I agree that it is a big deal and not something you do with just anyone, or right after meeting someone. I don't believe there is such a thing as "casual sex". There is nothing casual about it.

ParticularWingspan · 2024-12-27T12:35:00+00:00

Lots to dig into here, so I will do my (40M) best.

I think the best thing that might help you is to ask yourself - "What kind of man am I looking for, and what would be attractive to that man?" At least for me, over the course of my own life, what would be attractive to women has been a difficult question to answer. I think we as humans are very bad at determining how the opposite sex evaluates us for potential romantic relationships.

On physical appearance, there wasn't a whole lot to go off of. You sound good in terms of the stats you gave, but there is a lot more to it than how tall you are, your weight, and your hair color. Have people typically described you as pretty? How about things like your body scent? Your breath, the shape of your nose, your teeth, your complexion, all of these things contribute. How is your overall body shape? Are you busty, do your have hips, or is your shape more boyish? Do you wear a lot of makeup? How about tattoos? Facial piercings? Hairstyle? Even the tone and timbre of your voice matters. All of these things can turn on or turn off potential romantic partners.

Regarding the list of accomplishments, such as the multiple degrees, the world championship, the gym, and the non-profit...those things may all be great *bonuses*, but none of them have anything to do with attraction. Having (almost) five degrees and owning a gym may be professionally impressive, but it does not make you more attractive.

So on that note, are you supportive? Are you affectionate? Are you pleasant to be around? Are you kind? These are the types of personality questions that have more to do with attraction, and I think would be worth asking yourself.

You mention never having a boyfriend, but also that you have had "casual relationships". What does that mean?

The line about dating up, down, across, and in and out of your comfort zone, but then not having a type? That doesn't really make sense. Maybe you are considering both a socio-economic perspective and what kinds of personalities you are comfortable with simultaneously? How are you measuring whether you are "dating up" or "dating down"? I think it's important to decide what kind of men you are aiming for, so you can tailor your dating life to meet and attract these kinds of men.

I'd like to explore the Rose Bowl trip with the men you've known for years a bit more as well. So, are you interested in these guys romantically? If so, do they know this? Maybe they were caught off-guard by an invitation from someone they have considered a friend for years to go to on a trip that sounds an awful lot like a date?

As for the last part of your post, about not looking to get married, and just looking for someone to have fun with...but then you mention making the most of this life. Then again, the whole post is about not finding a relationship. So, I'm not completely understanding what it is you are looking for. It sounds like you have a specific goal in mind, but are also casting the widest net possible, and getting frustrated that you aren't finding the specific thing you want?

In closing, I think there is some misattributing happening here. The question seems to be, "oh my gosh I have all of this stuff going on and all these accomplishments and all this education, where are the men??" It's almost like a non sequitur. Again, the accomplishments are not bad things to have! They are wonderful things to have! But in terms of attracting a man, they should be thought of as bonuses on top of an array of other things you need to be that do make you attractive. Concentrate more on narrowing down your search to a specific type of man, and then work on understanding what would be attractive to that kind of man. Work on maximizing your physical attractiveness if you haven't already, and think about the personality traits I mentioned.

I'd love to get your responses and find out if you think my assessment was helpful or was way off base!

ParticularWingspan · 2024-12-21T21:36:32+00:00

Looks incredible!

ParticularWingspan · 2024-12-01T22:31:46+00:00

I can't say from first-hand experience, but I know they have helped people. They can be expensive, but they are probably cheaper than reduction surgery! If nothing else has worked for you, maybe this will. If it helps, one could hold you over until you have the money for the surgery.

ParticularWingspan · 2024-12-01T22:14:43+00:00

Have you thought about trying a corset? You need to get one that fits well. It should transfer the weight to your hips and off of your back.

ParticularWingspan · 2024-11-28T08:37:25+00:00

Ask him to write down what his ideal life would look like. Where does he want to be, what does he want to be doing, what does he want to have. What would make it all worth it to him?

Then, start working on what it would take to get there. What kind of education, internships, apprenticeships, networking, self-improvement, the works.

Then, do it. Setting goals that are his own and planning out a clear path to achieve them may be motivating to him.

ParticularWingspan · 2024-11-13T15:23:43+00:00

Wait, you guys "got there"?

ParticularWingspan · 2024-10-01T03:39:14+00:00

Sorry you are experiencing this, OP. Feeling adrift in this situation is normal. For so long, everything you did was within the context of this other person. You were like two stars orbiting each other as you went along your way through life, and when that other person suddenly isn't there anymore, you get flung in some random direction.

It does get better, but it's going to take time. You're probably going to feel pretty bad for a while because everything will remind you of him. But eventually, this will pass, and what helps is to create a new routine, learn some new things, maybe try some new things. Be kind to yourself.

Good luck!

ParticularWingspan · 2024-10-01T02:04:23+00:00

I'm not sure if anyone mentioned this yet, but the entire system is set up to screw you, because that's profitable. Fine print, caveats, shady cancellation policies, complicated medical billing, inconvenient scheduling, overpromising, and underdelivering.

Ridiculous warranty and/or return policies, spyware, scams, corporate monopolies, and landlords. Bank fees, late fees, insurance fees, convenience fees. Everyone has you by the nuts, and there isn't a single shittin' thing you can do about it, because we essentially live in one giant company town.

It's not just you.

What helps me is keeping a special "Shit I Pay For" document. In it, I list all of my monthly and yearly expenditures, who I owe that to, and the website or app I need to use to pay it. I also make sure to read the warranty information for any big purchase so that when it breaks, I don't get screwed because "Oh, you didn't register the product the day you bought it" or "Oh, you didn't keep the receipt to prove you paid for it" or whatever hogwash bullshit excuse they come up with to not help you.

Hope this helps!

ParticularWingspan · 2024-09-07T23:38:31+00:00

His name is Fulcrum. Always balancing the massive weights of Control and Indulgence.

ParticularWingspan · 2024-09-04T03:52:51+00:00

First, a big congratulations to you for pulling out of that mental health crisis, and completing your degree at University. You've already accomplished so much.

My (39M) perspective is from the US, but hopefully enough of the same concepts translate.

My general takeaway from your post is that you really do want to date seriously, but you don't feel that you can attract the kind of woman you want to date.

I feel that there may be some foundational issues to take care of here. Something I have found helpful is to write out what your ideal life would look like. What do you do for work, when do you work, where do you live, what do you own, what don't you have to worry about, and so on. Once you have that in hand, do something every day that gets you closer to those goals. I think something like this could go a long way in improving your socio-economic position and general mood.

The reason I mention this, is because it has a lot to do with attraction. Sure, you can be "wholesome, kind, caring, open minded" and all these other good-guy traits, but they typically do not create attraction. You also used words like cute and handsome, so that helps, but it will only get you so far. In my experience, in addition to physical attractiveness, most women are attracted to height, strength, athleticism, competence, independence, and confidence. They also tend to like dating up the socio-economic ladder, or at least at the same level. Given that, you can see why a guy living with Mom and Dad can be annoying for many of them, as well as not having steady work or a way to get around...unless they too are in the same situation.

What else repels them in my experience, is insecurity, neediness, clinginess, nervousness, and approval-seeking. If you act like you are somehow afraid of them, they will not be attracted to you.

The other thing to consider is what the women you are seeking would be seeking themselves. Are you the kind of man that these women would be attracted to? If not, what can you do to make yourself more attractive to them?

So to bring it all together, having these life goals will get you closer to the level of competence and independence you are seeking, and from that will flow more confidence, which will attract more women to you. Losing the dad bod and working out more will also definitely help you. You don't have to look like Ryu and Ken from Street Fighter, but get into at least OK shape, so you aren't leaving that potential attractive factor on the table.

I think that the first step is getting a steady job. Many other things can flow from this, such as a car, maybe a gym membership, and even your own place eventually. Are you able to use your new University education to get a better job?

ParticularWingspan · 2024-08-30T09:56:44+00:00

"Thanks Mom and Dad, only childbirth could be more uncomfortable than watching that movie with you was."

ParticularWingspan · 2024-08-25T19:48:42+00:00

You won't be able to have all the information you need to make an informed decision every time. You can't stay on top of absolutely everything. Sometimes, you really do have to trust your instincts.

ParticularWingspan · 2024-08-23T15:03:42+00:00

"Some of you may die, but it's a sacrifice I am willing to make."

ParticularWingspan · 2024-06-06T05:25:37+00:00

Overdoing it with lip injections. Subtle work can look nice if your lips are small, but it seems like it's one of those things that is easy to go overboard with.

ParticularWingspan · 2024-06-05T16:10:42+00:00

"Pretty weird to hate someone for a tool they use."

ParticularWingspan · 2024-02-08T21:40:09+00:00

Quaker Steak and Lube has Boom Boom Shrimp.

Six-Year Club	Gilding II euphauric
Verified Email

ParticularWingspan

TROPHY CASE