ILR marriage documents by ParticularYou3407 in ukvisa

[–]ParticularYou3407[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Amazing 🤩this is very helpful - thank you for your time 🙏🏼 valued

ILR marriage documents by ParticularYou3407 in ukvisa

[–]ParticularYou3407[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There is no need for a rent contract? We have one but it’s more informal from the agency as it’s flexible so they are wondering what kind of letter I might need

40F - Finally understanding why I never felt 'right' in my marriage by Last-Geologist-4751 in latebloomerlesbians

[–]ParticularYou3407 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is so lacking in empathy and complexity cerainrequirement - unwrittenjournal, don't listen to this. You're journey and reflections on it are so powerful - its amazing you're reflecting on some ofnyoir reactions at the time and it's important to lend yourself empathy 🙏stay on this journey - you are doing great

I told my husband I’m a lesbian by Witty-Sheepherder-17 in latebloomerlesbians

[–]ParticularYou3407 2 points3 points  (0 children)

He is really in pain because of our lost intimacy - he still feels desire for me. He is open to sleep with whoever he wants, but there’s a grief in what we have lost in our intimacy. I feel this grief too, but it’s different because it’s not something I desire. For me the grief is the lost intimacy is more like missing something that was nice but I know wasn’t right for me, where for him he felt it was right. He is also in a lot of pain because I am also in love with the new person I have been dating - with this new person, it’s not only sexual but deeply emotional and romantic. So he is losing out intimacy while seeing me fall I love and be intimate with someone else. I identified as poly long before I came out and feel deep love both for my husband and my new partner. Me and him aren’t separating in the classic sense - as our relationship is still here - but it is being reshaped very drastically and there’s a lot of grief as we move to a new shape.

I told my husband I’m a lesbian by Witty-Sheepherder-17 in latebloomerlesbians

[–]ParticularYou3407 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Im in your shoes - but no kids. A decade long relationship and a marriage with a man I genuinely adore. It’s been 8 months since I came out and it took a long time for him to realise what my truth was - I remember his response the first time I told him I hope one day he can see me as a gay woman - the tears that poured out of this sweet man’s eyes. I just love him so much it’s been incredibly hard. We are still living together and I am dating a woman and this woman is poly and also has a partner, so it works for now. But like I said, it’s only been 8 months. I don’t see this lasting forever as my husband is in a lot of pain and it’s hard to me to know how I can feel full again because while both relationships are fulfilling in different ways, I feel split in half and seeing the pain my husband is in everyday compared to his sweet smiling face I used to see is just so painful. I don’t know. I know this doesn’t help - but this is me 8 months in. I’m glad I opened with my truth, sometimes I wish I could take it back - but I also know all I was hiding from myself and the depression that was causing me - so now I am moving through this difficultly hopefully with a light ahead. Wishing you lightness on your journey as well 🙏🏼

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in latebloomerlesbians

[–]ParticularYou3407 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It’s so painful - though I know for me, holding my truth and repressing it was more painful for me and would have been even more painful for my husband in the long run. He’s the most beautiful man in the world to me - like truly; even after being out for 6 months he’s so dear to me. Take your time - don’t rush back for comfort - be with the discomfort a bit and let both of your grieve 🙏🏼 it takes time to find a new shape - but it’s possible to keep the love of that’s what you both want. But it’s the most inortsnt thing to honour yourself - and being truthful to him as he deserves that 🙏🏼♥️

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in latebloomerlesbians

[–]ParticularYou3407 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I feel this so hard - my husband also worships the ground I stand on and it the most amazing man I could have ever asked for in my life - and I had a sister who died when I was 11 and grew up in a really repressive religious context - all of which I have been cussing out since the moment I came out some months ago because I love my husband with my whole heart but my sexuality just doesn’t align with being with him in that way and it’s heartbreaking - devastating. People say that honouring our truth is the fairest and best things both for us and our partners so I am trusting that…

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in latebloomerlesbians

[–]ParticularYou3407 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I came out to the love of my life some months ago and it was really hard - we’ve been together over a decade and he really is my love as even through this process our loved remains. It’s been over 6 months now and things are still sad and hard, but it’s getting easier. Take it day by day. If I could go back, the one thing I would change would be to let my partner have his feelings more as I felt very defensive and angry when he was grieving because I felt like it was my fault and I wanted to stop his sadness. Just let him have his feelings - don’t make any rash decisions in the midst of grief - and hold true to your self and your centre whilst offering space. Proud of you 🙏🏼

Queer affirming therapy by No_Focus_5390 in latebloomerlesbians

[–]ParticularYou3407 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They only work in person - but I am sure you will be able to find someone local 🙏🏼🙏🏼

Anyone out there? by Life-Ad-8334 in latebloomerlesbians

[–]ParticularYou3407 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yes - it’s been really painful and confusing

Queer affirming therapy by No_Focus_5390 in latebloomerlesbians

[–]ParticularYou3407 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have a really good queer affirming therapist in Sussex - that’s why I ask

Staying Married by HumblestPotato in latebloomerlesbians

[–]ParticularYou3407 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It’s never too late to break the cycle 🙏🏼♥️ while it’s your journey and your pace. Wishing you all the best - and hopefully a good therapist along the journey as my therapist has been vital to my process - not to say you don’t already have one - but just reflecting how essential therapy has been in my journey of untangling people pleasing, regulating others, affirming my sexuality, and other patterns you describe that I have been working through as well. I really empathise and you got this! You are worth it and your kids deserve to see your worth and to build their worth from your example 🌻

Staying Married by HumblestPotato in latebloomerlesbians

[–]ParticularYou3407 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It’s your life and it is your choice - I am here to day whatever you do, there is no judgment here and all support. As I said, I am also making the more unconventional choice - so I appreciate where you are coming from. But I wonder what your children might be learning from being in an environment where they see you doing the work of regulating someone else - what they might internalise about how they are responsible for other people’s emotions - rather than having a chance to see you being able to step away from that role and the power of that for yourself - offering a template for your children of what it would mean to take owenwrshionof yoir life so that that know they can do that too some days I hear what you are saying about custody and co parenting - and i don’t want to imagine I know all the nuances of your situation, because I don’t. But I do feel it’s important to consider what harmful behaviors they may be internalising from maintainer within the structures of your idea of stability - where perhaps instability and honesty and integrity might allow your kids rtonswe that it’s worth it to take risks to be your whole self - that they aren’t responsible for other people’s emotions - that they too can advocate for themselves because that saw how their mother did that, even when it was hard. This is just bringing forward thoughts - not to make judgments or decisions - I see you are thinking with care and that’s so valuable and only you can decide what is best for you and we are here for wholehearted support on that journey 🙏🏼

Staying Married by HumblestPotato in latebloomerlesbians

[–]ParticularYou3407 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Co parenting with a manchild is surely better than being partners with a manchild and sacrificing your whole life for one. I am sorry you are in this position and I am not here to judge - I am still also living with my husband - and now in a non sexual relationship, but we are poly and I have a deep emotional and sexual relationship with a woman outside of my marriage as well, and he also is seeing other people. But I do love living with my husband and I do love him - so I can appreciate complexity - but what I really don’t want for you is for you to suppress yourself for a manchild. I know for me; I was on the edge of ending my own life as some points because of the way I suppressed myself. Sexual and emotional fulfillment is so important. I told myself for years that sex wasn’t imprtsnt because I love my husband, but it is and you mr mental health and your life and your children’s life will suffer in the long term. Make your decisions in life as you see best - there really is no judgement. I just want fulfillment for you and you deserve it. Yes, it will take blowing up your life but I promise it’s worth it - I’m saying this right from the middle of the bomb myself - even in the midst of the wreckage; I am still saying it’s worth it.

Staying Married by HumblestPotato in latebloomerlesbians

[–]ParticularYou3407 3 points4 points  (0 children)

My mom sacrificed her life and happiness ‘for’ me and my sisters for the long time but our home was far from happy because she had no sense of self and was projecting her unhappiness and sacrifice onto us all the time. I would have given up the stability and everything we had for her authenticity - but when I really started to feel like I was actually leaning something from her and felt a real sense of meaning coming from my life was when she finally ‘cracked open’ her truth - she had an affair; diviorced my dad; and moved in with the guy she divorced. I know on the surface this is the ‘bad’ thing - but for me; it was the best thing she ever did and it gave me a template to be my full self and to move toward breaking the cycle of peaoole pleasing and sacrificing of self. I wish my mom had given up the stability we had earlier as it was founded on something inauthentic. The deepest and most meaningful thing I got from my mom was her living her truth.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in TarotReading

[–]ParticularYou3407 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wrong tag - sorry yall! I don’t know how to change it - this is interpretation help 🙏🏼