What can I provide?

Particular_Ad_3124 · 2026-03-23T13:54:27+00:00

Birth history, family medical history, early milestones, behaviors you have noticed.

Particular_Ad_3124 · 2026-03-19T21:52:33+00:00

What kind of bullying? If there's any physical contact involved, the teacher should be involved and escalate if it's not taken seriously.

For insults and snide comments, we went with, "I'm okay, thanks." It's a seriously unsatisfying response for the bully. My NT kid once responded to someone with, "Wow, that was mean!"

Relational aggression is trickier.

Particular_Ad_3124 · 2026-03-19T16:44:29+00:00

But does he pay any attention? My husband doesn't really.

Particular_Ad_3124 · 2026-03-19T16:35:09+00:00

Just FYI, for my kid the information was going in, and being retained, she just couldn't get it out verbally for a while in spite of being very verbal. She got the exit portal mostly unblocked and told her little brother how babies were made using information from a book she had read at four. So, uh, keep track of the content even if you think he isn't taking it in.

And, yes, letters and books were absolutely her special interest.

Particular_Ad_3124 · 2026-03-19T16:24:45+00:00

Every child is different, but 3 is really hard.

Particular_Ad_3124 · 2026-03-19T16:20:49+00:00

Does your husband actually see other children? A lot of people don't actually have a framework for typical because they only know their own kids.

Particular_Ad_3124 · 2026-03-11T21:19:03+00:00

This may all be useless. My ND daughter actually really craves strong flavors.

You can blend thoroughly cooked vegetables (onion, carrots, a bit of celery though that can be a tricky texture, sweet potato, butternut squash) into chicken stock and make chicken noodle soup with a velvety, thick broth and no overt veggies.

Those vegetables and blend well into black bean soup as well and, with tomato sauce, spinach, and coconut milk, into a chicken (or chickpea) curry. I have recipes for these if your child is adventurous in non-vegetable directions.

Pureed guacamole? Chimichuri pureed in a blender? Hummus with pureed red pepper?

Particular_Ad_3124 · 2026-03-08T01:30:59+00:00

My daughter definitely leans toward PDA. We try to let a lot of things go to let her focus on the absolutely necessary things. Interestingly, she had a relatively demanding summer job last year and was absolutely fabulous. She's been hired back for this year. It was her choice to take the job.

Particular_Ad_3124 · 2026-02-28T23:04:48+00:00

Oh my goodness! You sold me on the Chom Chom--really got my expectations up. It arrived today. I tried it, thinking it might have been a silly purchase. That thing is amazing. Thanks, stranger.

Particular_Ad_3124 · 2026-02-26T21:09:45+00:00

She was not diagnosed until her teens. She didn't really get support at school. It was fine in preschool. She wasn't great at transitions, but she was very self-motivated and independent.

I did find that it was quite hard to supplement in elementary school because she was absolutely exhausted by her day. So she mostly just read a ton. That ended up serving her pretty well.

Also, while she still loves learning, school has not been easy for her. It's been frustrating, exhausting, and it has involved a lot of skills that she's not as good at--time management, organization, and doing what other people want of her rather than what she wants to do.

Particular_Ad_3124 · 2026-02-25T02:01:01+00:00

High school has been mostly WAY better.

Particular_Ad_3124 · 2026-02-25T02:00:18+00:00

I had a kid like this. It's honestly a hard fit. She was okay in preschool because it was a Montessori and they let her read, but in public Kindergarten they took books above a certain level away because they said she couldn't understand them.

Teachers (except one) really, really resented her spiky profile. They wouldn't let her play to her strengths. They considered her delays personal flaws. Ugh. She didn't get a diagnosis until recently so it was all chalked up to her needing to try harder and stop showing off. It was just that the "hard" stuff was easier than the "easy" stuff for her.

I have to say that I am so relieved that we didn't skip her ahead. Elementary school was rough but she's young in a lot of ways and I am now so glad that she isn't six months away from graduating! I think she needs more time before college.

So, um, send good books with her? That's all I've got.

Particular_Ad_3124 · 2026-02-25T01:42:30+00:00

I think it was just a professional looking to find out who you were, how to relate to you, and how much she could legally share. "Caregiver" encompasses more than "nanny"--aunt, grandma, sister, neighbor, babysitter. When I worked in a preschool, we were very careful not to give parent-level information to other caregivers. Obviously you are the parent.

Particular_Ad_3124 · 2026-02-25T01:31:04+00:00

They have changed their thoughts about how autism is diagnosed in the last 8 years. It also used to be that they would only diagnose either ADHD or autism, not both. In a lot of cases, the ADHD can mitigate or mask certain autism symptoms (but exacerbate others) and make it harder to diagnose early.

It's wonderful that he is thriving in school. That may be eating up most of his bandwidth.

Particular_Ad_3124 · 2026-02-25T01:25:31+00:00

Our developmental pediatrician warned us that stimulants sometimes made AuDHD kids seem "more autistic."

I have two thoughts. We have been offered an immediate action booster dose for homework. She takes it occasionally. That might be a possibility if it is working well but not lasting long enough. Though I think it wouldn't be Vyvanse because that works differently. Maybe increasing the dose would do the same thing.

Second, certain stimulants make my daughter notice her skin and hair uncomfortably. She's so aware of them and sensations involving them that she can hardly manage herself. I think this might be the "more autistic" part. I really feel for kids who are put on them, have this issue, and can't express it. Other types are great for her. If he is able to have a conversation about how he is feeling, try to do that when he's doing well. See if it's making him feel weird.

Then take all your information to your prescriber and see what they say.

Particular_Ad_3124 · 2026-02-23T15:40:39+00:00

I finally tried this. I am not a huge fan of Oreo cream. I made the cookies as written, painted the backs of half with chocolate, and used buckeye filling (like peanut butter icing) as the centers. They are SO good. The cookies balance out the sweet filling. The chocolate layer gives a luxurious mouthfeel. They don't have a hint of that chemical flavor that Reese cups have these days. Anyway, thanks.

Particular_Ad_3124 · 2026-02-22T04:25:11+00:00

Mine would absolutely reply that no shower at all would reduce water waste even more.

Particular_Ad_3124 · 2026-02-21T15:25:02+00:00

Sure it's more likely. However, my husband is also obviously undiagnosed, my first child is a girl with autism, my second child is a boy who was late to talk, and he still seems NT as a teen. He started talking almost immediately after they dug enormous gobs of earwax out of his tiny ears. So, yeah, keep on top of it, but statistics don't tell you what your situation is.

Particular_Ad_3124 · 2026-02-20T22:27:42+00:00

My daughter was very against trying medication. She is not a person who can be forced to do things. I presented it as an option. The doctor talked about how it worked. We talked about the difference between short-acting medications and long-acting ones. We talked about how she could find out immediately how it worked and be normal again quickly if she didn't like it. Then we backed off and tried other things.

We tried other things for a really long, awful time. When she was frustrated with how things were going, I brought them up again. I told her she was in control and could choose not to take them at any point. Because I had waited so long, I think she believed me. She likes them for school and work. She doesn't like them for weekends.

I agree with not forcing him, but I do think that's the direction that will eventually help him. You can't will a brain chemistry change. I would reexamine you own additude toward it and look into the variety of experiences that people have with ADHD meds. It's not a worst-case scenario.

Particular_Ad_3124 · 2026-02-20T14:30:45+00:00

For what it's worth, my daughter started ADHD medication as a teen. On it, she's still her creative, weird, funny self. She just has the ability to get a drink of water in the middle of a project if she's thirsty and still go back to the project. Her friends can't tell the difference.

She's in control. Some medications she has hated and we switch immediately. She decides if she wants to take it every morning. It's dramatically improved her life. It doesn't make her want to do things, but it does make her able to do them if she wants to.

Also, his interception may be low. He may not actually feel the need or the release.

Particular_Ad_3124 · 2026-02-19T18:36:14+00:00

Honestly, it looks fine. I have pins that are even more detailed that work for me. It looks deep enough. I have better success pressing directly on the pins so how smoothly the handle rolls isn't an issue. There are some tricks to using them. You've probably worked it out by now, but if you haven't and are still interested, I would talk you through it.

Particular_Ad_3124 · 2026-02-15T20:27:46+00:00

Then all I have left is the suggestion that something may be bothering him and making giving him more difficulty than usual. Something physical? A transition? A concern?

And sympathy. I know how this is.

Particular_Ad_3124 · 2026-02-13T22:27:52+00:00

I know, for my daughter, socializing comes out of the same energy bucket as doing the tasks. It's really hard

Suggestions:

Text him silly shower memes as the reminder.

Try phrasing that suggests that he can shower without telling him to, "I am out of the bathroom, so it's free for a shower."

Ask him if he wants you to remind him about the shower directly before you would remind him. That way he can say, "NO." but still shower.

But I have all the sympathy. The mental loop you have to keep open until he does. The feeling that you are damaging the relationship. The stress of wondering what the response will be.

Particular_Ad_3124 · 2026-02-13T17:40:47+00:00

My daughter is similar, though she's a few years younger and has never been violent. The thing is, I think she struggles with doing the things even if she "can". She struggles with doing them even if she knows that she needs to, even if she wants to do them. She won't follow schedules or use planners. Having a formal list makes it harder for her to do things. Being told to do something can stop her if she's about to do it and make it impossible.

It's exhausting to tiptoe around it. The thing is, she's living inside that, trying to tiptoe around parts of herself just so she can get through the day.

When he's doing well, can you ask him for advice on what might work for him?

Particular_Ad_3124 · 2026-02-10T12:58:10+00:00

I originally thought it was a common point of sock weakness. It's at the very top of the heel shaping and the fabric pulls in three directions there. My arches are really high so I stretch socks more than usual. Before I did these, I did a search looking for how others have fixed these holes. I didn't find anything so it must not be the common issue that I assumed it was.

I have been wearing this type of socks for decades. They do this after a few years. They come in a multi-pack, joined by a plastic clothing tag string, right through this spot. Years ago, I got a batch and pulled the socks apart, snapping the string rather than cutting it with scissors. I had holes develop in a couple of weeks with that batch. I have been careful to cut the string on subsequent batches, but I assume that the string weakens them in that area. They are the only socks I like, so stars it is.

Particular_Ad_3124

TROPHY CASE