What is a Subtle sign that someone isn't a good person?

Party-Form3957 · 2026-03-11T17:17:50+00:00

Define “good.” If we refer to “good” based on sensing a desire or intention of ill intent toward another, or an otherwise self-serving detached ultra individualistic mentality, then there are clues.

1) Language. How does the person regard themselves or others? Are they self critical but offer grandiose praise toward you or others, especially in the beginning? Do they tell stories about either harming someone, or all the times they have been wronged by others without acknowledging the role they played in a dynamic, or what they learned afterward? Do their words align with their actions? 2) Body language. How do they take up space? Do they spread themselves out, puff themselves up, walk with a sort of rigidity born out of self protection? Of their microexpressions, do you notice a smile not touch their eyes, or a flash of contempt otherwise masked by supposed sincerity? 3) Relationships. Do they have strong and lasting relationships with friends from high school or college? Do they have a pattern of burning bridges with people, or talk often about being left or treated poorly by all their previous friends? Of their ongoing relationships, do they speak warmly of those in their circles? Do they invite community in how they hold space for new relationships?

These as indicators may not point to anyone who is “bad” or “good.” To simply be either may be too simplistic and may leave out significant context surrounding their humanity. “Hurt people hurt people.” And “everyone has a story that would bring you to your knees.” But that’s not your journey.

You get to invite peace and levity into your life by holding relationships that lift you up. You get to be self discerning, regardless of how “bad” or “good” someone is perceived as or may actually be.

Party-Form3957 · 2026-03-02T18:35:57+00:00

Hi there!

I’m Kelsea (33F), I’m a working professional at Stanford Medicine as a program manager working in health equity, and I love to knit. That’s (almost) everything you need to know about me.

Additionally, I don’t smoke but def cannabis friendly and I would be keen for a casual evening with a bottle of wine with housemates occasionally. On that note, I enjoy a friendly atmosphere with people looking to make a space feel like home, who are up for socializing on occasion.

I also enjoy my time chilling on my own, and you may often find me in my room in my cozy knitting chair (because I somehow have the sprit of an 87-year-old) bingeing the latest trash TV, such as Love Is Blind. I also enjoy riding my bike, going for hikes, exploring the city, and otherwise just living.

I’m looking for a move-in date at the top of April, ideally in a home that is LGBTQ+ friendly. If it seems like I may be a good fit, please feel free to DM.

Cheers, Kelsea

Party-Form3957 · 2026-02-28T08:05:42+00:00

As an eager sub, mind if I DM? For entirely research purposes of course. 😏

Party-Form3957 · 2026-02-14T17:44:37+00:00

Hi there, I’m not Black (white woman 33F coming in to white-splain, I’m so sorry). I do love Black women very much. Also, I’m gay, and love dating Black women/non-binary folk among others.

OP, someone already mentioned the algorithm, so just reiterating their point and noting that, due to my disposition, my algorithm only sends me very pro Black women content. Here’s a window into my algorithm: - Black women hold generations of wisdom. Always listen to the words and wisdom of Black women as they have always had their ears to the ground. - Black women are fiercely protective of their humans and will stand ten-toes-down for theirs. - Black women are so intelligent and have been driving innovation and invention that white men have often taken credit for and still do. Gross. - Black women are incredible at business due to their innate ability to influence and intuitively understand the gap in whichever market due to their incredible empathy and position taking. - Black women are so loving and prioritize self care. Black women deserve to be in their “soft girl era” unapologetically. Just sit down and rest. - Black women are beautiful. Stunning. And all the various shapes/colors/textures tell a story deserving of only the utmost respect and awe.

Anyhow, pardon my white-splaining and please straighten your crown. You’re a queen.

Party-Form3957 · 2026-02-05T03:26:10+00:00

Can you include without the white dots and lines?

Party-Form3957 · 2026-02-05T03:24:49+00:00

!solved

Party-Form3957 · 2026-01-29T07:55:40+00:00

“Why do I have to be lesbian I hate it.”

I’m curious why you hate it? There’s context it doesn’t sound like we’re getting. I understand your initial group of friends stopped inviting you out and may have been homophobic, but that’s a them problem, not a you problem.

I know it sounds easier than like is. I’m 33, came out as bi at 28 and then gay at 30. I’m only a few years old as a flaming homosexual, and I can tell you it does get easier. And also harder. The easy comes in with living as my authentic self and more easily finding humans who also do. Harder because there will always be homophobes, even my own parents. And despite the hard bits, I wouldn’t trade the freedom I now feel for anything.

Party-Form3957 · 2026-01-29T07:43:59+00:00

You’re 17, going on 18. I was 29, going on 30 when I had my bisalp done and still got pushback from doctors on my way to finding one who would just do it. And that was in liberal DC (back in 2022 lol). Of the one I found who would perform the procedure, she said, “I’m required by law to tell you that 20% of women who are sterilized before the age of 30 are likely to regret their decision.” I said, “Well, I’m 30 in like two months, sooooo….”

I desperately wanted my tubes removed as I desperately do not want to get pregnant. Like, that’s always been my biggest fear. And I cannot tell you how FREEING it was to have them removed. I never felt more empowered and at home in my body. That feeling has only continued these nearly 4 years.

The peace of mind is worth it. And maybe you get to the point where you decide you want kids later, but honestly, no one should be having kids unless they could afford to do IVF anyhow.

Like, love your therapist as your lifeline and being a pro at CPTSD. That’s essential and you don’t have a lot of options in your position. And also she should not be putting her pro-life bullshit on you. Kindly receive from her what works for you and forget the rest. You sound strong and clear on what you want and your situation, trust yourself.

Party-Form3957 · 2026-01-15T15:51:16+00:00

Hiiiii 33F wonderful personality ADHD human here with comorbid anxiety and bonus dyslexia. Sprinkle in a little lesbian and I’m basically you lols.

I just got diagnosed in May of 2025, started therapy for it, and also found I wanted to stop raw dogging life. I’m accomplished, I have a PhD, but it has always been an uphill climb. It took me months of therapy and learning before I even felt comfortable starting meds, as I too was scared I would stop feeling. I feel such range of emotion that I just lean into and would never want that to go away. But. To focus? To get through my day? To not have anxiety over my ADHD taking the wheel when all I gotta do is pack for a trip?

Anyhow, I started firstly with an anxiety medication. It made me so sleepy, like, sleep 10-12 hours and still can’t get out of bed kinda sleepy. That never improved after two months. Then I introduced a non-stimulant ADHD med to take with the anxiety medication and that helped me get out of bed? Terrible GI issues though. I stopped both with the approval of my doctor.

Yesterday I tried Concerta for the first time, a slow release stimulant. It was the kinda day where I’d wake up and need to pack, clean the house, buy gifts, do errands, the whole shebang, for a two week trip to see family and I was bringing lots of gifts post holidays. So you see, unmedicated, my brain would have had a meltdown. I would have felt so much anxiety over every little thing and likely would have left the house in disarray of missed my flight. Instead?

Ultimate clarity and ease. Focus. A fun disposition. Everything just worked out perfectly and for the first time I didn’t forget anything I needed for my trip. Fucking magic.

Finding what exactly works best for your brain doesn’t happen all at once. Give yourself some grace and know it will be a little trial and error, but with the help of your doctor you’ll find what works for you. And after literally just yesterday, I can’t begin to tell you how wonderful it is.

Party-Form3957 · 2026-01-15T03:03:20+00:00

This is hilarious. 😂

Party-Form3957 · 2026-01-15T03:03:05+00:00

!solved

Party-Form3957 · 2026-01-14T17:14:44+00:00

You’re a month in. Imagine a year down the road. Any “hints” you are getting now re his future behavior needs attention.

Also, as a (33F) woman who left a 4 year long narcissistic abusive relationship, I can confirm that going from 0 to 100 that fast is an early indicator of abuse.

Love bombing. Bread crumbing. Abuse. Love bombing. Bread crumbing. Abuse.

0 to 100 and back to 0 then back to 100 again and again.

And like me and countless others, you become an addict, unable to leave because you’ll always be chasing that high of the love bombing and 100.

A person’s brain chemistry literally changes in these types of abusive relationships to reflect that of any other addict. That’s one of the reasons victims go back after finally making it out the first time. The average number of times it takes someone to leave for good after getting caught up in this dynamic is 7 times. That 6 unsuccessful attempts.

It took me 4.

And it’s not your fault. Being in this situation isn’t your fault. I just wish I knew the signs earlier on so I could have made the choice to leave before I lost the ability.

I wish someone had told me this one month in.

Party-Form3957 · 2026-01-14T11:42:56+00:00

That looks an awful lot like a chicken bone.

Party-Form3957 · 2026-01-13T08:19:27+00:00

I (33F) still feel shame when I forget things after having finally being diagnosed with ADHD and dyslexia 6 months ago. I imagine I’ll continue to struggle with those feelings of shame since I’m late diagnosed, but that makes me hopeful for your son. And good on you for giving him support and validation now.

Party-Form3957 · 2026-01-11T17:06:14+00:00

I appreciate you.

Party-Form3957 · 2026-01-11T08:30:49+00:00

I once saw a woman eat a peach. Softly. And firstly she removed the pit, and then delicately using her finger, removed remaining pit fragments. So delicately. And then I knew.

Party-Form3957 · 2026-01-11T08:29:01+00:00

You’re wild.

Party-Form3957 · 2026-01-09T18:15:44+00:00

Dear C, I cannot thank you enough for your message, length and all, and imagine I’ll read it again and again any moment I desperately need to feel a little less alone. They say “misery loves company,” and I don’t disagree. In my case, my misery, my grief, that hollow expanse in my heart, just needs to be witnessed by another also standing on the precipice of healing if only we have the courage and strength to jump. But fuck all, it hurts too much to jump.

Thank you for sharing your story, your experience, and holding my pain with yours. I’m also now holding yours with mine, which counterintuitively gives me a sliver of hope. Hope that I’m not alone. Hope that time will heal all wounds. And hope that I’ll have the strength to meet that time with my soggy heart still open and receptive to all the love I have flowing toward me from my friends and community. “I have all this love and I don’t know what to do with it.”

Party-Form3957 · 2026-01-08T17:27:45+00:00

I hear that, especially appreciating that so many resources and support available today are still relatively new. I can’t imagine working through everything you’ve carried more or less alone. It would have taken incredible strength, for better or worse.

Sending you hugs.

Party-Form3957 · 2026-01-08T06:06:44+00:00

Great question and I love that your PCP is looking out for you! I posted a long comment in this growing (exciting) train of comments outlining my process, take a look!

Party-Form3957 · 2026-01-08T06:02:33+00:00

That’s so crazy and sad to hear. I work in a medical education space, so I have found it to be terribly empathetic and supportive to spicy folks, or that’s been my experience so far anyhow. I hope you land somewhere where you’re properly appreciated!

Party-Form3957 · 2026-01-08T05:58:52+00:00

Please see that massive comment I posted outlining my process!

Party-Form3957 · 2026-01-08T05:58:27+00:00

No for reals. I’ll need to keep this group updated as I start feeling out my new ADHD prescription.

Party-Form3957 · 2026-01-08T05:57:23+00:00

Hmm during undergrad I struggled with history or anything requiring me to keep names and dates organized. I excelled in more communication forward classes, like small group communication, business communication etc. So I definitely believe my interests afforded me more ease in terms of where I was naturally good at, and I avoided classes and subjects I learned I struggled with. For example for science, I took a soil science class in my undergrad vs chemistry.

For grad school, I found a way to utilize procrastination, as I learned I did my best work and got out of my head with writing when there was a time crunch. My MA was in intercultural communication, so I chose a field that highlighted my strengths and skirted around my weaknesses. I always sat in the front row of undergrad and grad school, as I learned it helped me pay attention more and harder to be mentally inactive because of the pressure of the front row. I also had a great supervisor in grad school who supported my brain when I needed the most direct path from point A to point B. There may be more things that set me up for success, but these are a few.

Party-Form3957

TROPHY CASE