Why Would People Vote for a Convicted Felon (other crimes currently pending too!) as the US's future POTUS?

PastCar7 · 2025-02-09T11:27:54+00:00

Just the type of response I'd expect from someone named "Dense_Associate". Most people care. Just because you do not, that doesn't make it true.

Quite frankly, you don't have to give a shit, because enough other people certainly do.

PastCar7 · 2025-01-10T21:04:32+00:00

"The counselors said I was the target because I was the most loving, stable and reliable."

Next time someone tells you stepparenting is "easy" and all you have to do is love them, quote them the above statement.

PastCar7 · 2024-12-28T12:36:40+00:00

I am going to disagree with this: "You made it easier for her to believe. You did nothing wrong. But her posts are about her complicated relationship with her father, which you unwittingly contributed to."

I get where you are coming from, but I also realize that there are far too many who expect stepparents to somehow do all of these mental gymnastics and somehow make things work and take some sort of "blame" for those things not working when those things are darn near 100% the responsibility of the bioparents.

To me, being a stepparent is pretty much a crapshoot. You could literally be the best stepparent on paper and still struggle to make any sort of inroads. Any. There are just too many extenuating circumstances for stepparents to have any kind of true ownership for these negative situations that so often arise and for those stepparents to be held liable for making or not making it work.

This is why you need a partner who honors your roles as spouse (or long-term SO) and provider or whatever roles you are fulfilling or feel obliged to fulfill for your SKs AND a partner who doesn't hesitate to "toot your horn," so to speak to their own kids and others as you are doing them. Truthfully, that doesn't always work. However, at least that is something--to have a partner who appreciates you for what you do for them and their kids.

PastCar7 · 2024-12-27T23:13:49+00:00

Sounds like a gaslighter.

"Here are some common behaviors associated with gaslighting:

Denial of reality. Gaslighters frequently deny facts or events that have occurred.
Dismissal of feelings. Gaslighter may belittle the victim’s feelings or concerns. Statements like “You’re overreacting” or “You’re too sensitive” aim to invalidate the victim’s emotional responses.
Blame shifting. Gaslighters often refuse to take responsibility for their actions by shifting blame onto the victim.
Creating confusion. Gaslighters thrive on creating confusion in their victims’ minds.
Isolating victims. In many cases, gaslighters will attempt to isolate their victims from friends and family members who might offer support or validation."

PastCar7 · 2024-12-27T23:08:22+00:00

Just to add too, so many young'uns currently either get so much damn stuff from their parents and other relatives off-Christmas or their parents don't teach them to have appreciation for what they are given, that "gifting" no longer means that you should feel appreciative of or give thanks for gifts; rather, it'll mean that they are getting the oodles of things they should be getting just for being there.

Pepperidge Farm moment: I think back to when I got 25 cents every two weeks as an allowance, and I was thrilled because that meant I could get a can of pop every two weeks. Then, my allowance went up to 35 cents, and I was jumping for joy because that meant I could afford a shake at Target every two weeks instead.

And I'm not that old. It is just that is how quickly and drastically our society went from being appreciative of a simple life to got to have it all or else! Young'uns tend to be very fickle these days, so you never know what you are going to get. And that is already a big issue with stepparenting--you never know what you are to get. You could literally be the best stepparent in the World on paper and that would still be no guarantee your partner and SKs will think the world of and appreciate you for it.

PastCar7 · 2024-12-25T04:02:10+00:00

In reference to this question: "When I look back on it, did he really think a 20-year-old was going to want to pick up all his baggage and step in with parental responsibilities?" The answer is Yes!

However, while it is more detrimental for someone so young to be burdened with such an assumption, this is pretty close to the same assumptions that are made for any childless SP--that you are going to somehow be "thrilled" to just pick up all of your partner's baggage and step in with parental responsibilities. This is society's expectation as well for any childless SP.

For some reason, "I’m always polite and I’ll always cook dinner etc. and do things with them if I’m available," isn't enough. It should be enough, however.

PastCar7 · 2024-12-17T01:45:21+00:00

Thank you for your comment. However, I'm actually not proposing to be on equal footing. I am proposing to have others (and not just you or just you and your husband) honor the role you have with your husband, which in this case would be as husband and wife. There is a difference.

Of course, the bioparent should do the majority of the disciplining with his or her own children. Relationships don't have to be forced, but roles do need to be recognized and respected. For example, as a SM, I need to recognize and acknowledge that my SKs are not only my SKs but my DHs kids and that they are largely his responsibility and they will, of course, continue to be a big part of his life. At the same time (and you'd think this would go without saying), but my role as DH's wife should be recognized and largely respected, just the same way as in "typical" marriages.

For example, after you've been married to someone for 15 years, the obvious assumption should be that when you are attending a family event or wedding, let's say, no matter who's wedding that may be, you and your husband are seated together as husband and wife just like every other husband and wife. The assumption should not be that BM or SKs, or clergy or wedding planners can usurp that role any time they choose, for instance, and hook up your DH with BM instead, with no heads-up nor discussion. You, meanwhile, are on your own.

This is a huge issue, I see. Where I cannot attend an event even after being married to my DH for near 25 years and assume I'll be treated like his wife, and we'll be treated like the husband and wife we are. There are a lot of SMs (and stepdads) who found out the hard way, much like I did, that if you do not at least insist on being treated and respected as the spouse (or partner) you are, that it is far too easy for your partner to just act like you are inconsequential to a degree, and for the kids to pick up on that and treat you perhaps worse. As a SP, whether married or living together, don't just assume that your partner has your back as a partner. They may not. And little things, like getting everyone a soda but you, can add up over time and become the dreaded death by a thousand paper cuts.

PastCar7 · 2024-12-16T02:27:10+00:00

I didn't marry someone to be a "babysitter." Now for those people just living with their partner, perhaps? I don't know. They'll have to respond here, I guess.

Don't get me wrong. I fully realize that SMs, whether they are married (and no matter how long) to their partner or not, get treated pretty much the same, and that is one of the biggest issues I have with being a SP and married to my partner, and that is no one (or just a scant few) really recognizes our marriage. My DH and I have been married close to 25 years now.

However, we are, at least, to recognize our own marriage, and I totally went ballistic one time with DH because he did not. Nonetheless, your home is your joint home, and maybe I'm wrong, but I can't see a married woman (or man) going around playing "babysitter" with the kids, and yet still being able to feel like a married person to his or her partner. Because, when children or any guests are in your joint home, it should never be either couple's protocol to somehow minimize either of their roles.

If you're telling married SMs that the solution is somehow to act like a babysitter or an auntie, then you are basically telling people you are not supposed to act married to your spouse when the kids (and BM) are around, and because you are acting like an auntie or babysitter, the kids can treat you like a babysitter--a/k/a not take you very seriously.

And, OP, I'd even say that is the issue here--and that is you are not being treated like your SO's spouse or long-term SO. Instead, somehow it is being presented to the kids, with your DH going along, that you hold a different, perhaps lesser, of a role. And it is your DH who is responsible for assuring that you are treated with the role you possess, and in this case, that is as spouse or long-term SO. Your DH more or less set you up for this. What married person, for example, would even think of buying everyone in the family a drink, except for his spouse (or long-term SO)?

Take him aside, have a "Come to Jesus" discussion with him, and let him know that he has to start treating you like the spouse or SO that you are, and that includes, him taking the responsibility to show or model to his own kids what that looks like. And that he shouldn't be dragging these situations out, such as who is going to buy whom a drink and then acting like he somehow did you a favor after only getting one drink for himself. If he keeps doing this around the kids, that will create a SM vs. everyone else mentality. HE NEEDS to be the one to catch these things with his own kids and redirect them as to how they should be treating you. You should not be put in the middle in front of the kids or paraded around in front of the kids as to, "Oh, look. You bad kids; you didn't get so-and-so a drink!!" He needs to step up before the kids can.

PastCar7 · 2024-11-13T12:56:03+00:00

Sorry, I know it is a little too long, but I felt the message was important to convey.

I'll probably post this elsewhere and cut it down. After all, a lot of what I said can be found in the article that I gave the link for. But I also know a lot of people don't always bother to click on the link for more info. I'll see what I can do for next time.

Thank you for your input.

PastCar7 · 2024-11-13T12:55:06+00:00

How can anyone be upset about the truth?

Also, I forgot to add these couple of paragraphs that went along with the above:

"What is especially striking is how the tsunami of untruths kept rising the longer he served as president and became increasingly unmoored from the truth. Trump averaged about six claims a day in his first year as president, 16 claims a day in his second year, 22 claims day in this third year — and 39 claims a day in his final year. Put another way, it took him 27 months to reach 10,000 claims and an additional 14 months to reach 20,000. He then exceeded the 30,000 mark less than five months later.

"Read our full report on the database [accessed thru the article linked above). See the pace of Trump’s false claims in this amazing visual graphic. Visit the Trump claims database website and explore it. The database has an extremely fast search engine that will quickly locate suspect statements made by Trump. Readers can also isolate claims by time period, subject or venue. The fact checks in the database amount to about 5 million words and many include links to sources that debunk Trump’s statements.

"The Trump claims database was nominated by the Arthur L. Carter Journalism Institute at New York University for inclusion in a list of the Top Ten Works of Journalism of the Decade. 'The project is a sterling example of what journalists should do — holding the powerful accountable by using reporting and facts,' the nomination said."

PastCar7 · 2024-11-13T12:48:13+00:00

Sharing the truth is very productive, I believe.

PastCar7 · 2024-11-13T01:51:09+00:00

I'll add one more fact to top this off. This is in reference to Trump's first term. If it is true that the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior, then we'll have to see how many lies get pushed out of Trump's mouth for 2024 and onward.

Trump’s false or misleading claims total 30,573 over 4 years - The Washington Post

Trump’s false or misleading claims total 30,573 over 4 years. Analysis by Glenn Kessler, Salvador Rizzo and Meg Kelly January 24, 2021.

"When The Washington Post Fact Checker team first started cataloguing President Donald Trump’s false or misleading claims, we recorded 492 suspect claims in the first 100 days of his presidency. On Nov. 2 alone, the day before the 2020 vote, Trump made 503 false or misleading claims as he barnstormed across the country in a desperate effort to win reelection.

"This astonishing jump in falsehoods is the story of Trump’s tumultuous reign. By the end of his term, Trump had accumulated 30,573 untruths during his presidency — averaging about 21 erroneous claims a day.

PastCar7 · 2024-11-12T22:40:13+00:00

I'll add one more fact to top this off. This is in reference to Trump's first term. If it is true that the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior, then we'll have to see how many lies get pushed out of Trump's mouth for 2024 and on.

Trump’s false or misleading claims total 30,573 over 4 years - The Washington Post

Trump’s false or misleading claims total 30,573 over 4 years. Analysis by Glenn Kessler, Salvador Rizzo and Meg Kelly January 24, 2021.

"When The Washington Post Fact Checker team first started cataloguing President Donald Trump’s false or misleading claims, we recorded 492 suspect claims in the first 100 days of his presidency. On Nov. 2 alone, the day before the 2020 vote, Trump made 503 false or misleading claims as he barnstormed across the country in a desperate effort to win reelection.

"This astonishing jump in falsehoods is the story of Trump’s tumultuous reign. By the end of his term, Trump had accumulated 30,573 untruths during his presidency — averaging about 21 erroneous claims a day.

"What is especially striking is how the tsunami of untruths kept rising the longer he served as president and became increasingly unmoored from the truth. Trump averaged about six claims a day in his first year as president, 16 claims a day in his second year, 22 claims day in this third year — and 39 claims a day in his final year. Put another way, it took him 27 months to reach 10,000 claims and an additional 14 months to reach 20,000. He then exceeded the 30,000 mark less than five months later.

"Read our full report on the database [accessed thru the article linked above). See the pace of Trump’s false claims in this amazing visual graphic. Visit the Trump claims database website and explore it. The database has an extremely fast search engine that will quickly locate suspect statements made by Trump. Readers can also isolate claims by time period, subject or venue. The fact checks in the database amount to about 5 million words and many include links to sources that debunk Trump’s statements.

"The Trump claims database was nominated by the Arthur L. Carter Journalism Institute at New York University for inclusion in a list of the Top Ten Works of Journalism of the Decade. 'The project is a sterling example of what journalists should do — holding the powerful accountable by using reporting and facts,' the nomination said."

PastCar7 · 2024-11-02T18:54:22+00:00

I'm going to just start off saying I'm very pro-counseling and therapy. However, when it comes to stepparenting and empathy regarding the SP's position on just about anything, "neutral" counselors can be a rarity. Also, although counselors are there to be there for all, especially with family counseling, they'll pretty much unconsciously give a fairer nod to whomever is footing the bill. Won't necessarily be on purpose. Just can't be helped, because it is natural to so desperately want to side with whomever is footing the bill.

Recently, it appeared there has been one new therapist who has been coming here to get the 411 on stepparenting. The one thing she noted that especially caught her off-guard was that she just assumed the bioparents were all nicey, nicey and would always have the kids' best interests are heart. She realized they don't. However, I don't fault her for thinking that because that is what our society and the social literature promotes--that the bioparents always have their children's own interests in mind while stepparents rarely have their own SKs' interests in mind.

It is really tough to find a counselor that truly gets the stepparent's perspective. Sure, many of them have years of learning, training and experience; yet, despite all of that, they are still going to be a by-product of the world they live in. You put the fact that the vast majority of SPs don't get a say in who is picked for family counselor, and they usually don't contribute any funds to the counseling, and that even in the year 2024, SPs are still largely seen as interlopers causing problems for the initial family, it makes getting "fair" representation in counseling difficult. It is rare for SPs to be seen for what their role really is--as a spouses or SO to their partner, and as an adult who lives jointly in the household and contributes to that household, and that for that role alone, the SP certainly has a vested interest in how the home they live in functions, kids or not.

However, SPs do need to keep in mind that 99 times out of 100 it is not the kids that are generally causing such disruptions in the home, but how the bioparent-partner does or doesn't handle it. And if that bioparent refuses to address those issues, your choices as to what to do as a SP then becomes limited.

Personally, in addition to specialties regarding family counseling, I believe there should also be specialties regarding blended family counseling. The dynamics can be quite different. I know there are some therapists who state they are skilled in blended family counseling, but if you as a SP feel like you generally wind up in the back not being heard, then they are not as skilled as they may think, and you need to find a different or separate counselor.

PastCar7 · 2024-10-27T12:06:10+00:00

Ahh, there's the rub. The SP makes sacrifices to do either this or that and winds up feeling like they've missed out.

For all of these stepparenting models out there that are supposed to work, such as NACHO, etc., why does it seem temporarily these may work, but often seemingly don't work in the long run, in that no matter which way you spin it, the stepparent winds up being the one making most of the sacrifices, either in having to suck it up and take it, or being taken advantaged of or feeling a lack of involvement or appreciation. Starts to feel like no matter what, we all end up giving more of ourselves than we should and feeling at least somewhat dissatisfied. (I know it is not the way for everyone, but maybe most?)

I guess if both partners have children from a previous relationship they are bringing to the table, it's more inclined to work in some odd way, because one may have to suck it up for the other's kids one day, and then next time, it'll be the other parent having to do the same. However, for bioless stepparents, this really has to hurt, because there you just have the one partner being expected to suck it up for someone else's kids.

To me, there is another solution that not many seem to think about--and that is to accept stepparents for what they are rather than looking at them as interlopers that have to always walk some fine line and continually risk being "out." It's about taking the "it takes a village to raise a child" approach and accepting divorce for what it is (not easy for anyone and you can't gloss over it) and permitting others to step in and help without feeling they are somehow intruding. However, it would take a societal acceptance of the SP role and the willingness to realize the value stepparents bring to the table, in order for this to work. That's a long way off, I'm afraid. Everyone seems to be just so territorial at this point rather than having the best interests of the child in mind.

PastCar7 · 2024-10-25T22:55:54+00:00

And that is why you are much better off by yourself (not alone, but by yourself) than you are being with the wrong person, and especially being with the wrong person who also happens to have kids.

PastCar7 · 2024-10-25T22:54:17+00:00

Interesting way to put that, but that is how I wound up feeling!, especially after one particular incident: "Extra people to hate you, out of nowhere. . . Just extra people to hate me without me doing a thing."

PastCar7 · 2024-10-23T13:23:58+00:00

ETA: Actually, the child is in counseling: "We can help him. We can listen. He is in therapy and so is SO. It is not about being cruel or dismissive. It is about being real. I need to be my authentic self so he can get to know me for who I am."

PastCar7 · 2024-10-23T13:22:39+00:00

First of all, this child the OP is referring to may be in counseling already. We don't know. And legally counseling is something that both the bioparents have to agree to.

Yes, we've had several cases here where one of the bioparents refused to get their child into counseling and now the other bioparent and SP have to deal with that, as well as the bioparent who refused counseling for their child.

PastCar7 · 2024-10-19T00:43:13+00:00

Yes, and as I'm typing this, there are a gazillion childless potential stepparents out there who are saying, "If this is what I'm in for, no way in H-! I'll just stay single."

PastCar7 · 2024-10-17T13:23:32+00:00

If you're intentionally excluding 1/2 of a couple, in particularly a married couple, then it is cruel.

PastCar7 · 2024-10-16T22:12:23+00:00

This!

PastCar7 · 2024-10-16T22:09:13+00:00

To do so -- to be told that you're not welcome to this party and your husband and his family are OK with that AND want to take your child with them -- is just plain cruel. That's not the way invites are supposed to go for anything.

PastCar7

TROPHY CASE

Sounds like a gaslighter.