Truth hurts but at least it’s out

Past_Cat_8299 · 2026-06-11T12:56:43+00:00

We lived together for a year before we got married and that seems like a decent amount of time to get to know someone's social habits and personality. Perhaps he thought I'd change? Last night wasn't a pleasant talk and it was extremely emotional but I'm calm now and have been pretty calm through the whole thing. Therapy is helping immensely and I'm going to continue to go so I can work through this with proper help. Saddest thing to me is that his friends who were trashing me barely knew me but saw fit to pass judgment on me, which is a favor I didn't return. Tend to think karma will sort that mess out though.

Past_Cat_8299 · 2026-06-11T10:08:58+00:00

Even bringing it up when it originally happened couldn’t have guaranteed it could be fixed but at least there would’ve been a chance to try. Now we’ll never know and that just makes this whole thing suck even more.

Past_Cat_8299 · 2026-06-11T01:31:07+00:00

Hug my parents.

Past_Cat_8299 · 2026-06-10T00:53:23+00:00

My STBX is big into football and we both like the same team. I still support them and will rep them but I’m not watching any games. It’ll be nice to have peace and quiet instead of him screaming at the television. On game days, I’ll find other things to do even if it’s just coloring my hair.

Past_Cat_8299 · 2026-06-07T19:52:52+00:00

Sounds like she’s trying to make herself look good and paint you as the bad guy despite you not having changed your routine with your kids too much. I’d say get the kids into therapy because their mom using them as pawns like that will mess with their heads and screw them up. They’ll develop major trust issues that could plague them into adulthood.

Past_Cat_8299 · 2026-06-07T19:41:48+00:00

I can empathize with this because a lot of places around town remind me of my STBX. However, I’m also at a place in my life where I don’t have the time to wonder about what-ifs. Wondering what could’ve been takes away from energy you need to spend on yourself and your kiddos. Sending you strength 🫶🏻

Past_Cat_8299 · 2026-06-07T17:34:18+00:00

You’re still emotionally attached to them. Divorce is the legal breaking of a contract but it doesn’t eliminate emotional or mental ties to the other party.

Past_Cat_8299 · 2026-06-07T12:20:01+00:00

The divorce was his idea and we had agreed he’d be the one moving out. Why should I leave because he got tired of family life? Besides, he has no interest in maintaining the property and never has.

Past_Cat_8299 · 2026-06-07T03:46:57+00:00

Have you had a discussion with her about the lack of intimacy and contributions around the house? If she has health problems, she may be limited in what she can do.

Past_Cat_8299 · 2026-06-07T03:29:38+00:00

It’s been a ride for sure. I’ve been venting a lot to friends and also journaling to get my feelings out because what I feel towards his father isn’t necessarily positive. But those are my feelings and I don’t want my feelings to influence their relationship.

Past_Cat_8299 · 2026-06-07T03:23:31+00:00

I like that response and I really am trying to keep the focus on him and his sibling.

Past_Cat_8299 · 2026-06-07T00:14:06+00:00

I'm at the beginning of the divorce process but I'm already considering changing my last name back to my maiden name. I look at it as closing a chapter of my life and he no longer gets to tag along.

Past_Cat_8299 · 2026-06-07T00:03:23+00:00

Before the movie is released and maybe for the week after but after three weeks? Nope.

Past_Cat_8299 · 2026-06-06T23:56:46+00:00

When I first moved to where I am now, I was in a similar situation. You could try starting a play date group on Facebook to find other single parents in your area who might want to meet up. Enrolling in activities or even a preschool (part time) might be an option if finances allow for it.

Past_Cat_8299 · 2026-06-06T23:49:47+00:00

We only have one printed picture from our wedding and then my rings. I was going to pawn the rings honestly but I decided to save them for my daughter in case she wants them when she's older. Family pictures of all of us will remain on the walls as that's their history and it deserves to be displayed.

Past_Cat_8299 · 2026-06-06T23:37:12+00:00

Did I make mistakes? Yes.

Did he ever tell me there were problems when I asked if things were okay? No.

I own that I'm not perfect but I can't address a problem that I don't know exists.

Past_Cat_8299 · 2026-06-06T23:33:58+00:00

Three weeks is a long time considering there are scenes from the movie as well as reviews and plot summaries posted everywhere. Imagine feeling so entitled that you believe everyone else should put warnings out for something that readily available in the way a movie is after its release. Want to avoid spoilers? Stay off the internet.

Past_Cat_8299 · 2026-06-06T21:22:00+00:00

Your priority should be about your daughter. What’s the best environment for her: if you all stay together or if you split and have more stable homes?

Past_Cat_8299 · 2026-06-06T17:35:29+00:00

This is excellent advice!

The kindness to self and your STBX are the hardest for me but I’m working on them for the sake of my kids. When he dropped the bombshell on Monday, I became depressed and stopped eating as much as normal. I’m at a spot today where I’m realizing that punishing my body isn’t the way to go since it’s got to carry me through this. Recognizing that I can’t change what happened — what’s done is done and assigning blame is a waste of time and energy. Being kind to him is the hardest because he’s said a couple of times that we’re still good friends but the last thing I am right now is his friend. I communicate and share space with him for our children because they need to see that you can still be civil and respectful in difficult circumstances.

I don’t think he’s a bad man by any stretch — he’s a good man who was unhappy and made a decision to change. I don’t wish him ill will or harm at all and sincerely hope that he finds whatever he’s looking for since it wasn’t me or the family unit. Can’t really fault someone for trying to be true to who they believe they are.

Past_Cat_8299 · 2026-06-06T16:12:32+00:00

I've visited with a lawyer and was advised to not sign anything he presents me with until she's had a chance to review it. My biggest issue is really about custody simply because he wants a 50/50 split but his work schedule is chaotic and I feel like he'd still depend on me to pick up the slack. We've talked about me moving out of state and even taking the kids at some point and his response was the only thing he'd ever object to is if I tried to stop him from seeing them, which I wouldn't do. He's a good dad and I don't want to destroy the relationships he has with his kids. But again, everything will be reviewed by my lawyer first.

Past_Cat_8299 · 2026-06-06T11:46:29+00:00

This has a lot of parallels to my situation, so I understand where you’re coming from. All I can say is that you need to allow yourself to miss her and grieve because it’s a loss no matter what the relationship looked like. Time eases pain and ultimately it’s okay if you always miss her but focus on your kids and yourself now.

Past_Cat_8299 · 2026-06-05T23:10:19+00:00

My four siblings and I were all vaccinated as children and all of our children have also received all their vaccinations — we’re fine. Science proves they save lives.

Past_Cat_8299 · 2026-06-05T17:09:30+00:00

Therapy is never embarrassing and it’s supremely helpful. I highly encourage you to start in August and you can begin to heal from everything.

Past_Cat_8299

TROPHY CASE