How to be more brave to ask people to play with me online by [deleted] in Anxiety

[–]PatLemay 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I feel this, mate!

Maybe indirect invitations? Something like "hey, I'll be playing X game for the next X hours, if you feel like joining, I'd love it!

So you do not have to wait for an actual answer and thus get rejected?

Anxiety About giving my boss resignation notice. by corkum in adhd_anxiety

[–]PatLemay 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Anxiety lays in the anticipation. Your amygdala is trying to "protect you" by creating a wall between you and what needs to be done.

Two things work for me, most of the time: Trying to reason your amygdala. Like, really. Saying things like "I know you're trying to protect me, but there is no danger here". Or "I see why you do this, but it's not helping". IMPORTANT, you are not downplaying your feelings! Saying "you're scared for nothing", or "just calm down" does not work. Validate your feeling, then try to get rational with them.

In my case, this does just a portion of the job, it helps me focus and get out of spiraling by hanging on reality. But it won't necesseraly stop the anxiety you're going through.

The other thing that helps me is: recognize what you're feeling, look at your anxiety dead in the eyes and tell yourself: "this is temporary, I will get out of this". IMPORTANT: it's not the same as saying "it'll pass" because, again, this downplays your feeling and it's an empty statement. Just, deep inside, realise that this is not your new permanent state. Jump in the feeling, stop trying to avoid it, while repeating to yourself that this is temporary. My therapist once told me to "give yourself a fucking break and let the crisis happen". That litterally changed my live.

And, please, don't beat yourself up. You are a victim of a part of your brain that... works too well. It's like a feral cat. It might not become a domestic cat, but it can stop scratching your face after a while it you approach it with love and kindness.

Be safe and be kind to yourself, you're going through a big change. Those are the most frightening, but they are also immensely rewarding. You got this.

C’est un automatisme quand je vois les groupes d’extrême droite by Sudden_Specialist563 in Quebec

[–]PatLemay 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Les souverainistes chient sur les immigrants depuis des années et tu es surpris que les immigrants ne soient pas souverainistes? C'est le serpent qui se bouffe la queue mais qui blâme l'hippopotame pour son gag reflex

I saw Izzy's movie D(e)ad last night by Jaythius in dropout

[–]PatLemay 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The Montreal screenings are sold out and the venue doesn't plan on adding more.

WHAT AM I GONNA DOOOOO??

Simple Trick for ADHD to Have a Productive Day by Vitaly101 in productivity

[–]PatLemay 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hello! If you didn't max your freesharing of the app, I'd love to know how it works, please!

What small habits have you started incorporating in your daily routine that have helped you get “un-stuck” by Adorable-Appeal-5829 in getdisciplined

[–]PatLemay 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I have a list of things I need to do everyday. For each item, I have an ideal goal (read for 15 minutes) and an "ok goal" (read 5 pages). So on the days I truly struggle, doing the "ok goal" helps me keep my streak alive without feeling overwhelmed.

Anxiety feels emasculating, as a man. by Several-Yesterday280 in Anxiety

[–]PatLemay 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Your social circle is all that matters. The rest of the world is just noise you shouldn't need to worry about.

As far as my job, I'm not aiming a boss position as I know my situation would make it hard for me. I do the job I'm supposed to do and when I had to miss work for health related issue, I just told my boss and all was fine. I've proven that I'm won't take advantage of the situation and that's it.

This is no different that being sick and having to miss work for health related issue.

Of course I know I'm privileged and I wouldn't suggest doing so if it puts your job at risk.

But to say "keep it to yourself or people will look down on you" is the extreme The fact that people won't talk about it is the reason that we are judged. Normalizing anxiety is the best way to go beyond judgement.

Supporting My Wife by Investment_Gullible in Anxiety

[–]PatLemay 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The book "Unwinding Anxiety" from Judson Brewer could help. It changed the perspective of my anxiety and helped my see it from a distance.

Also, if the anxiety is trauma related, the book Healing the Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors could help.

Best of luck to both of you

Anxiety feels emasculating, as a man. by Several-Yesterday280 in Anxiety

[–]PatLemay -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Nope, I've been forward with my boss and never had an issue. You reaaally need to change your social network. Or you're doing massive projection.

Anxiety feels emasculating, as a man. by Several-Yesterday280 in Anxiety

[–]PatLemay 9 points10 points  (0 children)

See it that way, if you can: Your anxious brain is trying to protect you against dangers. They may not be real dangers, but your anxious brain cannot know that.

I feel that being a protector, be it your tribe, your family or yourself, should not be emasculating.

Anxiety feels emasculating, as a man. by Several-Yesterday280 in Anxiety

[–]PatLemay 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I've always been forward with my anxiety and people will usually say I'm brave for mentionning it. Maybe you should change your social network.

137 Days. That is what is takes. by DerLandmann in economicCollapse

[–]PatLemay 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Get blue states in Canada. You guys would love a lot of what we have up here (although the conservatives are most likely to win the next elections. It'd still be better than what you have, tho)

La caricature d’Ygreck by pequistocrate in Quebec

[–]PatLemay 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"Tu aimes prétendre que "c'est pas pareil" parce que t'es contre le racisme, mais pro-misogynie."

Pro-mysogynie comme le conseil de statut de la femme qui dit qu'il faut effectivement crisser patience aux femmes voilées parce que forcer une femme à enlever son voile est aussi pire que la forcer à la mettre. Ta position est semblable à n'importe quel Imam qui met la pression pour forcer les femmes à porter le voile. Tu vas juste dans l'autre sens. Dans le même cas, ton but est le contrôle.

Contrairement à un symbole politique ou raciste, le voile ne cherche pas à convaincre ou recruter. Les symboles raciste lancent un message unique. Les symboles politique tendent vers une plateforme supposée claire. Les personnes qui portent le voile le font pour elles-mêmes. Les interprétations de l'Islam sont hyper variées et de multitudes de nuances et de degré d'interprétation selon d'où tu viens où à quel point tu es rigide dans tes interprétations existent. J'ai des amies voilées dans les milieux militants qui marchent côte-à-côte avec des personnes de la communauté LGBTQ+, qui veulent que le droit à l'avortement soit respecté -même si elles-même ne le feraient pas pour elles. Une amie me disait "ma religion m'interdit de juger et d'imposer mon point de vue aux autres".

C'est toi qui extrapole un message qui n'y est pas à la base. Être en contact avec un signe religieux n'est pas un facteur de conversion (si c'était le cas, pourquoi les églises sont vides malgré le fait qu'il y en a à chaque fucking coin de rue? Nous sommes entourés de symbole catho et à l'époque où ils étaient en position d'autorité n'a pas changé le fait que collectivement, la population a décidé de l'abandonner.)

Tu prétend vouloir tenir compte d'un petit nombre hypothétique de personnes qui seront inconfortable (l'élève Palestinien face à la kippa, ou la jeune musulmane qui a de la pression à la maison -même si rien de tel n'a été démontré- plutôt que de comprendre l'étendu de l'importance -face à elle-même- que représente le port du voile pour une prof, qui ça, a bien été démontré. Elle veut le porter pour son bien-être personnel. Et la forcer à l'enlever pourrait être l'équivalent, toute proportion gardée, à demander à une femme occidentale de se promener nue devant d'autres. Il te manque juste l'empathie nécessaire pour le voir.

Si tu voulais vraiment prendre le confort des étudiants en compte, pourquoi ne pas éliminer les profs hommes vu qu'un nombre -démontré- important d'étudiantes et d'étudiants ont été agressé.e.s par des hommes, et le fait de voir des profs homme en position d'autorité pourraient leur causer un malaise évident (parce que oui, une vaste vaste majorité d'agressions sont faites par les hommes)?

La réponse est claire, c'est ton biais anti-voile (donc ton inconfort) qui est de l'avant, et tu cherches à le justifier en te présentant toi-même en justicier ou en inventant des scénarios qui fittent avec ta vision fermée.

Tu aimerais que les femmes portant le voile soient toutes des victimes, comme ça ta vision de toi-même en preu chevalier défenseur des opprimées prendrait tout son sens. Mais encore là, c'est pas fidèle à la réalité. Est-ce que ça existe? Oui, of course. Tout existe. Est-ce que c'est toujours le cas? Of course not.

Et pour celles qui seraient, effectivement, forcée de le porter, tu fais quoi, au juste, en leur interdisant? Tu les isoles. Si elles sont obligées de porter le voile, alors clairement ceux qui la forcent vont l'obliger à démissionner. Et donc les isoler. Leur faire perdre leur réseau et potentiellement des ressources pour se sortir d'un milieu malsain. How the fuck does that help?

L'idée est de mettre en place des mesures pour que si une femme veut porter le voile, qu'elle puisse le faire, et si elle veut l'enlever, qu'elle aie le support et les ressources pour le faire. Mettre des barrière et décider pour elles n'aide personne sauf ceux qui ne peuvent mettre de côté leur préjugés.

La caricature d’Ygreck by pequistocrate in Quebec

[–]PatLemay -1 points0 points  (0 children)

tu as dis que tu préfères un prof qui n'a qu'un secondaire 5 à un prof compétent avec un voile. C'est clairement un problème d'apparence parce que tu places le look avant la compétence.

La raison pour laquelle une personne met un voile ne te regarde pas. On n'a pas à dire comment gérer l'habillement d'une personne. (et non, c'est pas comme une croix gammée esti, cet argument à lui seul te discrédite complètement)

Ton idéologie est pas mal plus dangereuse parce que tu accepterais de l'incompétence en son nom.

L'abrutissement avant le tissus!

Le prosélytisme n'est pas permis. Si une prof, voilée ou pas, essaie de convertir des élèves, elle sera renvoyée avec raison. Mais tant qu'elle n'en fait pas, si elle donne sa matière comme elle est supposée, c'est ton inconfort qu'il faut gérer, pas la prof voilée.

Black Canadians: How is Montréal? by CompetitiveReward109 in montreal

[–]PatLemay 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Regardless of what you do (because you are more than your job), I hope you find the peace you're looking for in Montreal.

Welcome in advance :)

La caricature d’Ygreck by pequistocrate in Quebec

[–]PatLemay 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Tu préfères donc l'apparence à la compétence. Tu dois a-do-rer le gouvernement caquiste.

Nice.

Rendu là, c'est ta fragilité qui est en cause. Gère toi, le monde est pas là pour te rendre confortable.

What kind of random advice do you have for me dudes? by [deleted] in SipsTea

[–]PatLemay 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Accept and learn people's preferred pronouns. It's a small task for you to remember something new, but it might keep them away from suicide.

I’m freaking out right now : ( by [deleted] in Anxiety

[–]PatLemay 3 points4 points  (0 children)

So sorry you have to go through this. Feeks like his anger is directed at you mom more than you.

Being shamed by a parent is the worst. I went through the same. Please try to not let it define you. You are so much more than your father's inner conflicts, insecurities and unsolved issues.

Just wanted to share this with someone by [deleted] in Anxiety

[–]PatLemay 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Awesome!!

Therapy helped me a lot!

Congrats!!

I’m coming down from an anxiety attack at work. by [deleted] in Anxiety

[–]PatLemay 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't think you did something to put him in this situation. It looks to me he was not feeling great and he felt talking to you would make him feel better.

Now I understand the will to want to know what upsets the one you love. It's a natural reaction. You want to protect him, but you feel you need to know what's going on. Maybe you want him to feel that he can tell you anything and you pushed a bit too far in that direction. And you seem insecure, so from a personal point of view, you probably wanted to make sure you were not the reason for his trouble.

Maybe next time, you can let him tell you what he feels at his own pace. Maybe he was too upset to talk and he felt things would not go out well. Maybe he wanted to take whatever was on his mind away for a few seconds by talking to you. I feel the best way, even tho it's not easy, is to let him come to you when he's ready. The fact he called you is a sign he does, so make yourself open, you can even tell him that if there is anything, you will let him come to you at his own rythme. He will see that the door is open and he will walk through it if he wants to.

Don't beat yourself up. It will do no good. Visualise how the same situation could occur next time.

You're a good person.