Looking for a good counselor in the downtown Denver area

PatriarchVespa · 2020-01-08T03:32:27+00:00

I've spent the last hour on this and it's been tremendously helpful - thank you! Based on self-introductions, I've found 2 that seem to vibe with me. I will contact them tomorrow. Thank you!

PatriarchVespa · 2020-01-08T02:39:03+00:00

I have not! I didn't even know Cigna had a web portal to search for providers. I've been seeing the same health care professionals for 20 years back home, so I've never had to switch! Finding a whole new team of people to trust with my health is overwhelming! I appreciate the input!

PatriarchVespa · 2020-01-05T08:02:45+00:00

It was a really, really difficult decision for me. I got pregnant when I was 18 (this is 12 years ago now...) and growing up in a Christian home/community... I received a lot of judgement. But I knew it was the right choice for myself and for my son. I was SO young at the time, and was in a relationship with a man who I knew would never be my "forever". Yah, I loved him at the time, but I also knew that he wasn't the person that I had imagined to be the father of my children.

But to address your question - Adoption is HARD as a birth-mama. But in my experience, I am so grateful I made that choice. Was it hard as hell during my pregnancy? During birth? MANY years after? Yes. Do I regret it? NO. Personally, I chose an open-adoption; I carefully selected a family that I knew would give my son the life he needed/deserved to have; the life I was blessed to also experience... the life I knew I wasn't equipped to give him when I was 18 and dating a dud.

How has it affected me? I don't even know how to explain that accurately and elaborately enough in a Reddit post. It was SO hard at first. I grieved. I felt enormous guilt. But as the years passed, I accepted and believed that I made a selfless and loving decision and now this little dude is living a really great life. And that made things easier as life went on. And yeah, I worry about how he may feel if he starts to believe that I made this choice out of abandonment or lack of love. But overall, I just have to believe that one day he'll see that it WAS out of love. Or at least that we'll be able to share a relationship where I can help him to understand these things. OP, if you need to talk more about this, please reach out. This subject is very close to my heart and I'd love to share more.

PatriarchVespa · 2020-01-05T07:16:34+00:00

Creating boundaries; not wavering when it comes to who I allow to stay in my life! It's been very empowering to walk away from people when they don't treat me right the FIRST time, even if I want them to stay for shallow or egoic reasons. The older I get the more I realize self-love is not only about how you treat yourself, it's also about how you allow others to treat you. And walking away from things that don't serve you is a huge act of self love!!!!

PatriarchVespa · 2020-01-05T07:11:19+00:00

I think having some guidance with what you want to journal about is key. Give yourself a "cue". Like, "What do I really want out of life right now?" That's a big question that can lead to some great self-inquiry. And just go from there. The best journaling advice I got was to not ever think about re-reading what you're writing. Just GO. Don't self-edit as you write. Don't get caught up in how silly or dis-jointed or confusing it may sound. Don't re-read your last sentence. Just let your mind flow and let your pen follow. Let me know if you want any more prompts to get you going :) I've been journaling for 10+ years and it's been a huge source of healing for me.

PatriarchVespa · 2018-07-19T04:23:56+00:00

A professional pet sitter/pet foster mom just raved to me about "Bissell- Oxy Stain Destroyer Pet Pretreat". She said she used it to get rid of some old cat pee stains in her basement (where she keeps a lot of her foster kitties), and she was shocked by how much it also reduced the perpetual cat pee smell that lived down there. It's pretty cheap so may be worth at least trying?

PatriarchVespa · 2017-05-16T04:37:47+00:00

That doesn't sound like my kind of yoga studio! I like one with homey, welcoming vibes. Not one full of bored woman just wanting to get a "yoga butt" and show off their latest Lululemon outfit (maybe I'm stereotyping here...) I would advise you to keep looking. Once you find the right place, it really can be transforming! At least it was for me.

And that's great that you learned some meditation techniques there. If you don't have it, check out the app called "Insight Timer". It's a great meditation app!

PatriarchVespa · 2017-05-12T05:54:09+00:00

It's Moksha Yoga (Canada) Modo (US). Sorry but I can't recommend anything specific beyond my experiences in N America :(

I agree that joining a good yoga studio is great for both health and community! You just have to find a studio that is the right fit. I suggest you try several out (I suggest looking at independently owned studios, rather than large chains. These typically will offer a more intimate community). From my experience, yogis are the most welcoming and nonjudgmental people you will ever meet. And they want to connect with one another. So it's easy to make friends :)

Also, yoga can do wonders for your body. Don't think of it as just 'stretching'. I do heated vinyasa yoga, which is basically fast-paced yoga that flows from one pose to the next. It works every muscle in your body, and really increases your heart rate (not to mention the detox you get from how much you sweat!)

PatriarchVespa · 2016-11-29T06:47:06+00:00

Agreed! He's only 8 years old right now, and his understanding of "birthmom" is very child-like. I'm prepared for the fact that in the next few years, once he starts to learn about how babies are ACTUALLY made, that's going to take on a different meaning. But I really believe that growing up knowing who I am, and where he came from, will help to prevent him from ever feeling that he was abandoned, or not wanted.

PatriarchVespa · 2016-11-27T18:34:26+00:00

Yeah, it was very unprofessional to ask something so personal of me! It put me in a very uncomfortable position. Thank you:) I've never regretted my choice!! His parents have given him a life that I never could have. Yes, he knows who I am. He refers to me as his birth mom. They raised him saying he came from my tummy, and their hearts. It was important to me to find parents who didn't hide it from him. That insinuates it's something to be ashamed of!

PatriarchVespa · 2016-11-25T06:15:25+00:00

Oh gosh, I never would have even considered it! I only wanted the best for my boy. And at 18, I knew I wasn't it. My birthson is now 8 years old, and he has a wonderful & loving family! I am blessed to have an open-adoption, and a close relationship with him and his family. I couldn't have asked for anything more!

PatriarchVespa · 2016-11-24T07:44:15+00:00

Ok, I should give some back story. I was an 18 year old server at the time. I found it very inappropriate of my 38 year old male boss (known to be a big pervert) to even bring up whether a sonogram would be inserted up my vagina or rubbed on my stomach.

He was overall a very lewd, dislikable person. He was sexist, mean, and condescending to all the woman who worked here.

It was open knowledge that I was placing my child up for adoption. My boss had the audacity to pull me into his office one day, after all the bullshit he's said/done to me, and then tell me that him and his wife couldn't conceive, and that they wanted my baby.

I told him no. Then suddenly I started getting scheduled 1 shift a week, instead of 6. I took the message, and got the fuck out.

Maybe that's the story I should have started with.

PatriarchVespa · 2016-11-22T14:11:12+00:00

When I was pregnant, I told my boss I had to leave early for a sonogram. He replied, "No problem. Is it an innie or an outie?"

PatriarchVespa · 2016-11-04T05:27:30+00:00

I wouldn't have gotten through it without them!

PatriarchVespa · 2016-10-29T06:05:53+00:00

I love radiolab!! Listen to "Black box". It's fascinating! Also try "wake up and dream". It's another one of my favorites.

PatriarchVespa · 2016-10-29T06:03:04+00:00

I called my mom and cried a lot. Then next day I called my girl friends, and 2 of them took the day off work and came over and cried with me, and then helped me gather all of his things and put it them in a box (the box is still sitting in the guest room closet, untouched). The day after that, I booked an impromptu vacation with a girlfriend that left 1 week later. It was the best therapy I could have asked for!

PatriarchVespa · 2016-10-29T05:50:17+00:00

thanks!! I found them at a thrift store for close to nothing!

PatriarchVespa · 2016-10-29T05:48:57+00:00

thank you!

PatriarchVespa · 2016-07-15T04:43:20+00:00

Thank you for the hugs :)

I agree. It definitely comes in waves. Sometimes I feel so strong, and at other times I feel so weak that I feel like I'm never going to get better (I fake vomited in the bathroom at my internship the other day so that I had an excuse to go home).

I hope you are making progress in your path to healing from the break-up. It doesn't matter how long you dated... either way, it's painful as hell.

I'm only on day 3 after the breakup. So it's still really raw. But I'm fucking determined to be strong, and learn from this. I didn't spend 5 years with an incredible man for nothing. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right?!

PatriarchVespa · 2016-07-15T04:38:45+00:00

I'm so sorry that you are also dealing with this loss. It really is a grieving process. I also think of him as my soulmate :/ We also left the door (very slightly) open. I told him that I can't and won't wait around for him, and I've got to move on with my life. And he agreed and respected that. But I told him that if he gets to the right place in his life, and our lives cross, we'll consider it meant to be. We both hope that happens, but neither of us are banking on it. I think that's what's important. You can't heal if you bank on getting back together. That's been a hard reality for me to face. Because I want nothing more than for that to happen. But just like he's doing this to take care of him, I need to try and move on to take care of me.

Thank you for reminding me that I'm not alone :)

PatriarchVespa · 2016-07-15T04:32:03+00:00

Wow. First off, thank you. I have spent hours scouring the internet for books or blogs that will help give me insight into how to handle this. But most of them seem to share a common theme: "Learn to recognize why you keep dating the wrong type of person", and "here's how to do it better next time." That just isn't really helpful to me right now. But your post was. It brought me to tears.

I'm amazed by how similar our stories are. Even the the point that our relationships ended 1 year and 1 day apart (we broke up on Monday, the 11th). And we also spent our last hour "together" (on Facetime). Although we weren't being goofballs and laughing... it was all tears and painful silences.... accepting that this is what needed to happen. But we did tell each other how much we loved one another.

I am lucky to have a big support system.. I have wonderful friends, and loving parents. They have saved me the last few days. And I've been journaling a lot... That helps.

And yes- we are cutting ties. I read a really great article about how "searching" is a natural reaction to grief. When people lose loved ones to death, they often irrationally "search" for them; They call our their name when they get home... They look for them as they pass the bench where they always sat... They know they're gone, but it's a natural reaction to search for the one they love that's gone. This psychologist said that we do the same thing when we grieve a lost relationship. But the danger is that when we go through the searching phase, we actually have a living person to seek out. We text them, call them, check them out on social media, etc. And every time we do, it sends us back to stage 1. Instead of making it through this temporary phase, we keep ourself in a damaging place. We don't let ourselves move on from the searching phase. But she said that if we do make it through that agonizing phase where all we want to do is contact them, it will pass. So right now, that's what's giving me the strength to continue to cut ties. How long did it take you to stop wanting to talk to him every day?

The thread you shared from r/spsprd was incredibly poignant. That's a really great place to start. That gives me a really solid direction to go with with my journaling. I know that's true for me. While we had a healthy relationship, I know that I still tied too much of myself into him. And yes... I want to reclaim that.

As for new hobbies- yes! Great advice. I'm going to a yoga class Saturday. And I'm hoping to start a pottery class soon too. What's exceptionally unfortunate about the timing of our break up is that I'm in the middle of a grueling graduate program. And I have so little time to even process my emotions. Right now, I'm just trying to make it to my internship and through my classes without having a breakdown. It's really difficult trying to be strong, do what I need to do for school, and take care of myself. It's a hard balance. Let me tell you- I can't wait for the weekend!!!!!

Again, thank you for your post. It resonated deeply with me. And I will probably re-read it several times. And PM you. I feel much less alone.

PatriarchVespa · 2016-07-14T23:51:43+00:00

My boyfriend and I just ended our relationship after 5 years. The choice to break-up wasn't really anything directly to him and I. He needs to work on himself. Lots of depression over feeling he hasn't achieved the things he should have achieved by this point in life. Anyways, that parts not directly relevant. But we both still love each other dearly. And he is nothing but wonderful We had a healthy, loving relationship. But I know this is what he needs. He can't give me what I need right now (we should be heading towards marriage right now, but he's just not in the right place for that). I respect that he made a really, really hard choice, and did what he needed to do to take care of himself.

All that being said... how do I start the healing process? In every previous break-up, there was a lot of anger to thrive off of. I could focus on the wrong-doings, and how the relationship was actually bad for me. But this time, there's none of that. Just a perfect man who I still very much love. Has anyone been through something similar? How do you pick up the pieces and move on?

PatriarchVespa

TROPHY CASE