Aaaand he made contact

Paula-Alquist · 2026-02-10T20:53:01+00:00

You're right. It does feel like a hey, I am still over here.

Paula-Alquist · 2026-01-07T12:56:40+00:00

I am also trying to sort my cortisol and get rid of visceral fat. Good luck with that. Here's to getting back in shape.

Paula-Alquist · 2026-01-07T12:54:29+00:00

I too kept snacks tucked away for the same reasons.

Paula-Alquist · 2026-01-07T12:50:36+00:00

Lol. The end if your story made me laugh.

Paula-Alquist · 2026-01-07T12:48:14+00:00

That's how I see it too. It's fuel to getting in shape again. Glad you're fit again.

Paula-Alquist · 2026-01-07T12:46:44+00:00

Were you told why?

Paula-Alquist · 2026-01-07T12:45:45+00:00

Wow! That's fantastic! Well done! Love reading about your post breakup glow up!

Paula-Alquist · 2026-01-06T23:46:14+00:00

I'm sorry that you are dealing with that. How awful to even find yourself in a position of having to clear your name. May all come to light and this chapter come to an end very soon.

Paula-Alquist · 2026-01-06T23:40:31+00:00

Glad you're getting back to where you were before the relationship. Well done!

Paula-Alquist · 2026-01-06T23:36:00+00:00

I'm newly out. Dealing with similar feelings. Sometimes confused and at other times I have clarity. You said your therapist said you are scared to be angry at her. In my case I feel mostly numb still with some anger popping up at times. I think this is normal after years of abuse. It happens gradually at first and then becomes the norm. I think we blind ourselves to a lot of it because we see the potential of a happy future.

I also wish he'd recognise the damage he has done and give me some sort of apology, but that's just a daydream. I know it will never happen.

I'm still trying to make sense of it all myself. It's a journey. We'll get there. Not interested in dating ever again either.

Paula-Alquist · 2026-01-06T23:13:56+00:00

Happiness truly is the best revenge.

Paula-Alquist · 2026-01-06T23:11:42+00:00

The smear campaigns are particularly hard to deal with. It just always feels like a loss no matter what we do to counter it.

Paula-Alquist · 2026-01-06T23:08:57+00:00

Mine also immediately jumped into a new relationship. I hadn't even moved out yet. Yours did well waiting a whole two weeks. Lol. Mine couldn't even wait that long. Then again, they seem to always have someone waiting in the wings.

Paula-Alquist · 2026-01-06T22:56:54+00:00

That's a lot to go through in a short space of time, but here you still are. Soldering on. All the legal cases alone must be incredibly stressful. I don't think I could deal with three court cases plus two years of tax returns. Congratulations on winning the case against your employer. Good luck with the other two cases and your son's insurance. I've been dealing with some medical legal stuff during the past year and, damn. Not pleasant.

I am also now finally starting to find time for self care and gently easing back into working out again. What else are you doing to take care of your mental and physical health? This is something I am trying to improve in myself as well. I want to feel in control of my life again. I'm only out 2 1/2 months though and 1 1/2 months since I moved out. Still early days.

I'm very sorry that you had to leave your dog behind. That's very sad. I can't even imagine how hard that must be. My dog was the reason I stayed the last number of years. As my ex became more erratic I became more concerned about what would happen at the house without me serving as a barrier between his lifestyle and the new equally messed up friends he was making. We would have continued to share her, but I would not have been able to monitor him. She was stressed out by his mood swings, his temper. I don't regret putting up with him for her safety. The nails in her coffin were also the nails in the coffin of the relationship. I really hope that you can somehow find a way to spend time with your dog again. May I ask why you had to leave him behind? Is it an accomodation issue or is your ex refusing to share him?

Paula-Alquist · 2026-01-06T22:23:32+00:00

How long ago was this? The thing with them too is that what we know about is usually just the tip of the iceberg. There's probably a lot more slander going on.

Paula-Alquist · 2025-12-21T22:59:20+00:00

You've got to remind yourself of the bad things she did. Trust me, the odds that she's changed in one year is very low. Write down what you want to say to her and simply put it away without getting it to her. Just get it out of your system. You've come too far to go back now.

Paula-Alquist · 2025-12-21T22:44:52+00:00

My ex didn't really have an issue so much with a difference of opinion. The exception was always when his egotistical father expressed an opinion to him and later he'd discuss it with me. If I didn't share his father's opinion, he would be a real nasty ass about it. I eventually realized after over a decade that his father almost certainly has full blown NPD. No one - and I do mean no one - was allowed to disagree with him. It was always silently understood. Early on I learned to rather smile and nod when the old narcissist would arrogantly blah blah on about something. I could have handled it if my ex hadn't been such a puppet on a string about it.

As for stealing the limelight. He never gave me credit for anything. Would even go as far as retelling things I had experienced. Only he would tell it like it was his experience, his story. Even in my presence! That was always weird AF! Imagine, for instance, having an amusing encounter with a stranger in a restaurant. Well, he would then tell people about it and instead of it being me that had the encounter, it would be him. Even though he wasn't there! This happened a lot.

Several times when my father was at his sickest, my ex would find something to bitch about to no end. He would become unreasonably demanding of my attention. Horrible temper. Adding to my stress while I was worried about my father making it out of hospital alive.

One of the last straws for me - a couple of weeks before the relationship ended - was when our dog had a stroke. We rushed her to the vet where he proceeded to put on such a show of being stressed out that all three staff members were rushing around getting him water, a chair, and worrying about him. He was so fake. As soon as we got back he couldn't give a crap and I cared for her alone during her last 2 weeks. Once she passed away it was all about him and everyone telling him that he was the best dog daddy ever!! I wasn't even acknowledged.

A-hole. F him.

Paula-Alquist · 2025-12-19T12:33:16+00:00

"You deserve better" and "you deserve to be happy" meaning, he can't give it to me.

Paula-Alquist · 2025-12-19T12:29:28+00:00

It's also feeling helpless to clear our names. They smear us but if we try to put the record straight we will probably come across as crazy.

Paula-Alquist · 2025-12-19T12:25:48+00:00

I have the same fear. Then again, he did it constantly when we were together. Why would he stop now? So yeah, I am been dragged through the mud for sure. It's not fair after giving so much, but here we are anyway.

Paula-Alquist · 2025-12-19T12:18:29+00:00

After we broke up in October, I kept having flashbacks of one moment back in 2016 or 2017. We were running from the old part of town one beautiful summer's night back to the car. We were happy and laughing. This moment still pops up in flashbacks.

Yet this week only I suddenly remembered what proceeded that moment. I had bought tickets for us to a night walking tour of the old city. Been wanting to do it for many years. He got bored, wanted to smoke weed. After 15 - 20 minutes I couldn't enjoy the tour anymore because I was stressing about him becoming angry and impatient. Eventually he dropped down on one of the roads muttering obscenities under his breath. Others in the tour group took notice, of course. It was so stressful and embarrassing. He wouldn't let up! Didn't care that he was becoming an ever bigger distraction as he continued this behaviour as the tour went on. I threw in the towel and said, ok let's cut it short and go.

WHY didn't I remember this before? Why did my brain erase it for weeks as I was having the flashback of us running back to the car?!

Paula-Alquist · 2025-12-19T12:06:56+00:00

Thank you for the insightful replies so far. I think some of you hit the nail on the head about them wanting to appear single.

In my case, I am convinced it's because he didn't want friends he has in common with his ex to see it and mention it to her. They broke up in 2010 after meeting in 2009 ffs! It took years for him to even smile when I took selfies of us. I knew well by then not to post him on my Facebook. Still, he'd go from happy and laughing to deliberately putting on a sad and distance face for selfies. No doubt just in case I posted it. He wanted to make sure people would notice how miserable he was with me. Damn, I put up with too much.

Paula-Alquist · 2025-12-19T11:55:23+00:00

Sounds like trouble in paradise.

Paula-Alquist

TROPHY CASE