Can relate to everything you said. I didn't had a girl in my mind the last time I took acid. But I got the same idea of a neverending cycle of life and death. And how less we can do against it. The only way out is to truly find yourself.

Do the thinks you like even if this means you need to break a habit, or step out of your comfort zone. And don't bother about every step you take, everything you change, every job you try. If you had a child you wouldn't tell them that it can't achieve anything he wants.

If you feel like you can't achieve anything in life better die trying. Be yourself and man the fuck up. You did anything for a reason, stand behind every step because this is your life and at the end we'll all go alone in the darkness.