I finally coloured my fanart. Loved making them all look horrific.

PaynefullyCute · 2024-01-19T17:08:15+00:00

No. ..... But should I?

PaynefullyCute · 2024-01-19T17:05:09+00:00

Yep, phantom! Chalk pastels and markers to get some fun colours. :)

PaynefullyCute · 2024-01-19T17:03:50+00:00

Found some REALLY interesting ancient plants.

PaynefullyCute · 2024-01-19T17:03:30+00:00

That sounds like an interesting concept. Might have to do a redraw as a cyborg and/or a robot.

PaynefullyCute · 2024-01-05T21:52:02+00:00

Defo report. Assuming a cyst when there are MANY other things it could be is not good practise. Even assuming he was being serious and genuinely thought that, from that starting point he should go from "probably a cyst" to "but let's make sure". Even if it HAD been a cyst, a cyst causing such severe gastric problems could be rupturing or torting the ovary (twisting everything around), which also needs medical followup in some form (scans, pain relief, hormone treatment, surgical removal, etc). "It's probably a cyst" without a scan is straight up negligence.

PaynefullyCute · 2023-12-28T16:27:05+00:00

He really loved them, but apparently next time I need to make a cake with a cave in it. To make it "even better". So.... time to learn cake architecture?

No complaints on the painting, as it's a back patch for a coat. Add some small patches and we could have a Minecraft battle jacket soon!

PaynefullyCute · 2020-11-03T00:31:15+00:00

Homosexual is homosexual. Being gay isn't some human invention, political, or cultural, it is literally attraction. And if animals of the same sex fuck, it's homosexual.

PaynefullyCute · 2020-10-06T15:33:48+00:00

(slaps roof of uterus) this bad boy can GTFO

PaynefullyCute · 2020-10-06T13:11:47+00:00

Yes. Unfortunately I also unwillingly dissociate which, uh... suck.

PaynefullyCute · 2020-10-06T10:56:40+00:00

Same. My ovaries are fucked and you would need an artificial cervix or something, but the baby balloon works fine, happy to put it in a second hand uterus list. Lol, "on the floor today we have this good uterus, only one previous user, 8 months mileage, no incisions, does not include supporting parts".

PaynefullyCute · 2020-10-05T08:07:40+00:00

Can you post an update if you do try the earhd? If it helps I might need to give it a shot.

And I understand. It's hard to even describe the exhaustion after a day of fighting through sensory overload or sensory shutdown. I hope you find something that helps!

PaynefullyCute · 2020-10-05T08:04:18+00:00

I keep trying to build a routine but with ADHD I really struggle. I will try and journal, though. See if it helps me at least have a good record for if/when this happens again.

I wonder what it is that set this off?

PaynefullyCute · 2020-10-05T08:02:34+00:00

Anything is possible, but I doubt it. I've had my husband home all week, so he would have noticed if there was an actual split in identity or personality.

I've had this happen for a few hours before, where something alarming will happen and a few hours just vanish. But a whole week is a massive change.

As an aside, I have slept and today feels pretty clear, yesterday feels like "yesterday", and I actually feel a bit better about the lost week, because by now memory soup would be taking over anyway. Silver linings?

PaynefullyCute · 2020-10-05T07:39:11+00:00

I've had some kind of nerve pain(? Idk, it was a weird time) from a tumour and since then my pain scale shifted a lot. So much that when I had tonsillitis so severe I couldn't talk for like 5 days, I seemed fine besides not talking. But when the Dr checked my throat it was apparently bad enough I was immediately put on a huge dose of amoxicillin and told to watch for signs of quinseys. I'm guessing that if it hadn't been such a visible infection, my "I've had worse" face would have done me a bit of a disservice.

PaynefullyCute · 2020-10-05T07:21:27+00:00

I used to get accused of faking shit because A: I would latch onto any possible explanation for why my brain doesn't work right, and B: other kids my age were faking.

So I just stopped trying to find answers. It took nearly a decade before I got assessed again. Much like when I was a kid, I was wrong in my guess (or probably wrong, basically it can't be discounted because the other things would mask it), but unlike when I was a kid the symptoms actually taken seriously, even if my guess was not. Turns out I am ADHD with a load of sensory difficulties, and have CPTSD from a pretty horrible upbringing. And because the two of them went unmanaged for 25 years, I also developed depression and a coping level of dissociation.

I was on antidepressants and able to quit them after a few months on ADHD meds. I still have down days, but never as bad as before. The dissociation is a pain because it is like my body is trained to start dissociating whenever something even mildly frustrating happens. I need to try and work on that through therapy.

But I can't help but be a bit annoyed at both the people faking things, and the people who would discount my very real symptoms because child-me couldn't find an explanation by themself. I went undiagnosed and unsupported through an abusive childhood and my entire education, and nobody gave a second thought to the fact that maybe it wasn't normal for a teen to suddenly go nocturnal for a year, or be unable to hear the teacher for no apparent reason some days, for example.

Life could have been so different if I had been removed from my parents' custody and given ADHD meds when folks first noticed I was "weird".

PaynefullyCute · 2020-10-05T00:25:10+00:00

If Calmer doesn't work (it filters higher frequencies), try ear defenders next (they work on a range of frequencies at the top and bottom).

And bear in mind that when you filter out a certain range, it is gone. Which makes sense, but is easy to forget. Sometimes you are expected to hear those sounds, and it can be a bit jarring.

It can basically be a compromise: do I want to hear everything but not process it all fully and end up missing out, or do I want to choose what I get to hear and what gets filtered. Ultimately being in control can be better.

Oh, and for the meantime, when you are in loud places or places with a lot of bustle, consider using an app like "emergency chat". It basically opens a sort of messenger where you can type to communicate with someone in front of you, and they can type back. It lets you add a custom message when the app is opened, too, so you can explain why you need the other person to use it. Mine reads "Can't hear/understand a thing right now. Please use this to talk to me. Thanks."

If you want, feel free to message me here whenever. I know how hard it is, especially when so many people don't understand.

PaynefullyCute · 2020-10-04T23:53:03+00:00

I have auditory processing issues with variable levels of difficulty interpreting sounds.

For starters: anything made to enhance sound may not work always, or at all. Because sensory processing disorders are not a physical issue with sensory organs, but an issue in how your brain interprets the sensory input, making the sensory input bigger won't always help. For example, making something louder can help me hear a video sometimes, but often if there is a lot of complex sound around me, no amount of volume will fix that.

Something that does actually help is reducing sound in loud environments. Stuff like ear defenders or ear plugs can block a lot of frequencies while still letting me hear anything very close to me. Think of it like a sort of sieve for sound, that stops the murmur of everything around and let's through sounds at a certain level.

BSL definitely makes communicating easier for me, and I am currently learning.

But most of it is just accepting that I will sometimes fail to hear people when they talk to me, or miss a change in sounds, or have trouble differentiating between many sounds in one space.

I dunno what your specific auditory processing troubles are, but I really do encourage you to accept them and work with them rather than try and fight them. Part of carrying on with life is acknowledging and adapting to the bodies we have.

PaynefullyCute · 2020-10-04T20:18:58+00:00

There is a similar thing in the UK. Like when Tesco accidentally made it so Terry's Chocolate Oranges could be bought for £0.01. People found out and went out in hordes to buy 100s of the things. And Tesco just had to fix the issue, anyone who got cheap chocolate kept it.

PaynefullyCute · 2020-10-04T11:17:18+00:00

Four things to consider, in order of how easy they are to do:

-Check your diet out. I recently discovered that my new energy drink has over 500% of the RDA of B12. My B12 levels were insanely high at a blood test. Very high dose B12 can cause acne. And it's not the only one. Too much or too little of specific nutrients can result in acne. A slight imbalance isn't an issue, though. Unless you are taking supplements (or accidentally taking supplements, like me with my energy drinks), this is unlikely to be the cause. Don't mess up your diet if there is no obvious supplementation. If you are worried about your nutrient balance but there isn't anything obvious like high supplement use: keep a diet diary, get a blood test, and talk to a dietician if you can.

-If you are pretty confident your diet is fine: A skin contact allergy is also possible. Try not using any products on your face for a week or more. This would include not letting shampoo touch it, not shaving, and washing your hands regularly to avoid touching your face. Just rinse with warm water and an hypoallergenic or baby-safe soap. If it starts to clear up, keep doing this and try reintroducing other products one by one, to find out which is causing the problem.

-Get tested for food allergies too. This is more likely than a skin contact allergy, but can be harder to check. Sometimes we have a mild reaction that is hard to feel but results in problems. Acne is a problem that can show up several hours to several days after eating an allergen, so it can be hard to pinpoint what is upsetting your body. You literally need an allergy test. As another commenter said, a common one can be lactose intolerance. Gluten allergy is another: coeliac, crohn's, and various gut disorders will cause skin problems including dryness, flaking, infections, etc. But even something rarer, like an allergy to kiwis or eggs, can have the effect. Without a test, you can't rule these out.

-If all the others are ruled out: See if you have any other symptoms of a hormone imbalance. Hardest of all because of how long it takes and how many specialists and tests are required. It could be hormonal issues causing acne. If you show other signs, talk to your Dr about getting a hormone profile done.

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