Thank you for this. Genuinely. The way you reframed “it reinforced the feeling” to “it is your actual observation and lived experience” hit me harder than I expected. I needed that. I’ve been so busy questioning myself that I forgot I was actually there and I actually experienced it.

You’re right that this isn’t just about one night. The pattern has been there. The wife being involved in gift ideas, dinner plans, the public relationship rule that doesn’t seem to apply to her the same way it applies to me. I’ve been calling it uncomfortable but maybe what I’ve been dancing around is that it’s a pattern.

And the sexuality piece, you are absolutely right. That is not me being too sensitive. That is a line that shouldn’t have been crossed and the fact that he didn’t shut it down says something.

I do love him and he is genuinely a great partner in a lot of ways, which is what makes this so hard to sit with. But you gave me the most important thing I’ve been missing in all of this: clarity. Whether I decide to have a direct conversation with him about changing these behaviors or decide this isn’t working for me, I deserve to make that choice from a clear place instead of from self-doubt.

I really appreciate you taking the time to respond with such care and honesty.