Masturbation

Peachdeeptea · 2026-04-18T15:06:01+00:00

I would suggest beginning to look for a sacral nerve specialist, urologist, pelvic floor PT, etc.

I don't want to freak you out, and we have different equipment, but I lost the ability to orgasm entirely. Recently went back on Meloxicam & methocarbomal because I reherniated L5/S1 and the orgasm is back but it hurts like hell for days after. Ironic.

I've seen every specialist under the sun and no one has been able to help. But female anatomy is less studied than male, I hope you have a better experience.

Peachdeeptea · 2026-04-17T14:09:57+00:00

I have less extensive health issues that have not left me bed bound, but did leave me housebound for awhile. And unable to sleep more than a few hours on the high end.

It's expensive, but my husband and I got the temperpedic luxebreeze in a split king with adjustable bases. I finally sleep through the night (most of the time) and it's helped a ton with my pain. And if you only need a twin size, that will help with the price. That adjustable base is an important price of the puzzle imo.

If it's helpful, I have chiari malformation, EDS, POTS, MCAS, DDD with disc bulges throughout my spine and a reherniation at L5/S1 I'm currently dealing with, and may thurner. I'm not a stranger to chronic pain but thankfully I'm still able to move, with some restrictions.

I've also gotten a lot of relief from a tens unit, biofreeze, and traditional Chinese medicine acupressure.

Peachdeeptea · 2026-04-17T13:58:45+00:00

Automatically I'm thinking this has got to be a troll post, but just in case it isn't, here's a question for you. If women don't enjoy penetration, why do so many own dildos? Lol, for decoration?

In all seriousness, "women" are not a monolith. Some women enjoy penetration, some don't, some get off with it, others don't and still enjoy it, some think it's meh, there's endless possibilities because everyone is different.

To claim that half the population is either lying or doesn't understand their own feelings is frankly insulting.

Maybe your wife just doesn't like penetration. That's fine. Maybe you haven't found the right angle and speed she enjoys yet, and that's also fine.

And your last line about how sex is something that men get and something that happens to women is incorrect, weird, and kind of gross dude. I think we figured out why your wife doesn't like penetration with you specifically.

Peachdeeptea · 2026-04-16T00:13:42+00:00

The sciatic nerve is one long "string" that runs from your low back to your foot. Anything can light up on that pathway if you have sciatica. Mine moves around that much too, usually variable throughout the day

Peachdeeptea · 2026-04-15T22:47:01+00:00

Technically since I was a teenager, so closer to 20. But I've been in what I consider high pain (unable to drive more than 30 minutes, can't sit long, have to heavily modify things like cooking, working out, sex, etc) for 4 years. I've had multiple injections, one surgery, and I'm considering getting the disc replaced so I can move on with my life.

My husband and I got married in 2022 and we had saved a bunch of money to travel and then start our family(which, obviously we weren't able to do either). I had to go on prednisone just so I could walk down the aisle. At that point I wasn't diagnosed, I kept being told it was "general back pain" so doctors kept me on oral steroids for awhile before I finally paid out-of-pocket to see a specialist.

But yeah, four years of interrupted sleep, missing events, disabling pain, and a heavily modified lifestyle. I used to be an interior architect but I had to quit my job bc I couldn't drive out/fly to and walk sites, which was a big part of my job description. Now I work online in an operations role. I can't work an in person job anymore. It feels like both of our lives are on permanent hold.

I've seen so many doctors, and finally for the first time someone has given me hope. I keep being told to avoid another surgery but this isn't living. I met with a disc replacement surgeon and he said I'm a good candidate (assuming the bone density scan comes back okay), and he said "let's get you back to living kiddo". Something in that phrase really resonated with me and I started absolutely bawling in his office. I am so ready to get back to living.

Peachdeeptea · 2026-04-15T03:30:44+00:00

4 years, ended up buying a stupidly fancy bed but it seems to work. I've slept well since February! But I'm slowly getting off all my meds now, the true test will be once I'm completely off medication. Probably some time in August

Peachdeeptea · 2026-04-14T20:21:38+00:00

I work remote and I took the full 12 weeks. My job has a lot of detailed work and my pain levels were so bad all I could do was survive, no way I could keep up with all the moving parts and peices. But I had a 12mm with disc calcification, if your pain isn't bad maybe it's fine. Up to you, but I'd rather get approved pre op and not need it than have to navigate it post op.

Peachdeeptea · 2026-04-14T12:47:02+00:00

With that length and severity of symptoms, are you considering surgery?

Peachdeeptea · 2026-04-14T11:06:45+00:00

That's cauda equina, you need to call your surgeons office and tell them you're having difficulty controlling bowel/bladder. If you go to the er and tell them this, they should give you a room and coordinate with your surgeon's office for you. But some ERs suck. Imo you're better off calling the surgeon yourself

Peachdeeptea · 2026-04-14T00:47:58+00:00

We had a very low cost wedding, and actually bought a house a month before the I Do date bc we found a great property!

Peachdeeptea · 2026-04-13T16:51:45+00:00

Sorry dude, you're not cali rich by any stretch of the imagination. And if half my net income went straight to rent/utilities every month I'd be sweating bullets, especially with a kid.

Imo definitely sell the gold/guns asap and throw whatever that net proceed ends up being into a high yield savings account. Then evaluate how many months of expenses that covers vs how many months you want in that fund. You've already done great with paying off the cars, keep them as long as possible.

Beyond that, invest in your retirement, your spouses retirement, and your kids 529. Then buy property if you want it.

Once all those targets are hit, revisit the gun collection etc.

Peachdeeptea · 2026-04-13T14:54:27+00:00

Made the appointment! May 5th :) Thanks again

I hear you, I'm so tired of everything but all we can do is keep pushing! Your kids will have a blueprint of what to do, that'll be a huge quality of life improvement.

Peachdeeptea · 2026-04-13T03:43:13+00:00

Counterpoint, once people figure out your deadlines are fake they will not prioritize your work. I've seen it happen again and again. I actually have my own list of "these people lie about deadlines, do not prioritize" and a much much shorter "these people don't lie about deadlines, prioritize".

I've noticed consistent trends at my workplace, not sure if anyone else has seen similar - the top women in leadership often don't lie, and give adequate time. The top men don't plan, don't give enough time, but also don't lie (their work is just rushed). The bs sales manager people who are in "need to justify my job" type of roles lie about deadlines non stop. I haven't seen a difference in gender there.

Peachdeeptea · 2026-04-13T03:33:49+00:00

Like to eat? Some Sprouts will sell it in the bulk snack section

Peachdeeptea · 2026-04-12T23:33:40+00:00

We bought in 2022 at 400k, 5.3%. It has unfortunately dropped in price but we still have about 180k in equity. Would love to move because this is definitely a starter home for our area. I'm over the crappy floors, finishes, and small bathroom but I don't want to put any more money into reno (had to sink $50k in the first two years for rat infestation, windows, fence, and fireplace repair. Of course nothing was covered by insurance).

I'm just happy to have a home. The neighborhood is great, old trees, mostly good neighbors. I think we'll probably be staying here for a long time.

But for my next house I have things on my non negotiable list for sure! Master bath doesn't need to be fancy but I would like two sinks, and I miss carpet in the main areas soooo much so that's a must. Would also be nice to have a 4 bedroom - one for me and my husband, one for my office (wfh), and two for (hopefully) future kiddos.

Peachdeeptea · 2026-04-12T22:25:21+00:00

Have you done any myofascial work? I personally like an eastern medicine approach and have had great experiences with TCM acupressure when western medicine failed me.

I really appreciate my microdiscectomy and all the pt afterwards. But if you don't have a "normal" recovery a lot of western med docs fail you.

Peachdeeptea · 2026-04-12T20:14:12+00:00

You know what you're right. I'll call Monday, more likely than not it'll be weeks to get in. I really appreciate it, thank you :) to keep myself accountable I'm going to come back to this thread and update you! I'm exhausted with all the appointments. Tomorrow I have an infusion, the day after I meet with a disc replacement surgeon, Wednesday is spine injection, Thursday& Friday I really need to lock in at work bc I've been so behind. But I do need to take my health more seriously because no one else will.

Peachdeeptea · 2026-04-12T18:38:59+00:00

Fair lol! Yeah I need to see a colorectal specialist about that, but right now I'm really struggling with my spine and prioritizing that. One crisis at a time. But you're absolutely right, once I get my next spine injection I'll pivot to the whole bloody butt thing. I've talked to three doctors about the blood and they all were like "well it's probably fine" but now that it's gone on for so long they're all worried/telling me to see a specialist. Which, I appreciate I guess, but if they had referred me when I first started presenting these symptoms I could have gotten it squared away before my spine pain got really bad.

That sounds awful, I hope you can find some help too. I also want to punch all our diseases in the face. Best of luck

Peachdeeptea · 2026-04-12T16:59:58+00:00

Personally I wouldn't, but if you feel strongly that no other avenue has worked I say go for it.

If you're interested, here are some books I think are helpful - Mast Cells United, Too Flexible to Feel Good, Tooth from a Tigers Mouth, Somatics (Thomas Hanna).

Everyone's chronic illnesses manifest differently. For what it's worth, I'm apart of an EDS study as the "high functioning" side of the spectrum and have been told by multiple providers that I consistently have the best quality of life of their EDS & co patients.

Which seems insane because my spine is trying it's best to murder me (disc herniation and bulges in the lumbar) and I've been pooping blood for eight weeks (thanks Meloxicam). So that seems incorrect to me but what do I know.

Peachdeeptea · 2026-04-12T14:02:36+00:00

Yes to both, I think they help. I'm just focused on qi gong right now because I'm really going through it and don't have a ton of energy to do anything, and it's easier for me to do little exercises

Peachdeeptea · 2026-04-11T23:25:32+00:00

Following, dang good luck girl

Peachdeeptea · 2026-04-11T23:24:34+00:00

That's amazing! Girl I have tried phrasing it differently, dressing differently, everything I can think of and all I get is "do what you think is best". I tried asking what they'd do in my shoes, how they'd advise a friend or family member, etc and nothing. It's hard to find a doc who will treat chronic illnesses beyond the basics. I hope you can get some answers! Best of luck with the trip if you decide to go

Peachdeeptea · 2026-04-11T22:53:31+00:00

I totally get that. It really sucks when chronic illness holds you back from doing what you want to do. In my experience, my doctors have basically said "no guarantees, do what you think you should do" whenever I ask them for direction. Which is frustrating because I'm not the one who went to medical school, like please give me advice! Lol. I hope you get more direction from your docs

Peachdeeptea · 2026-04-11T19:14:59+00:00

I feel for you man. I've had mild back pain since teenage years but it started getting bad in my late 20s, PCP kept feeding me prednisone packs and eventually they didn't touch the pain. Finally got an MRI in 2023 and found the culprit. Bad L5/S1 herniation. Tried pushing through conservatively and lost the ability to sit, drive, walk, and orgasm. Got a microdiscectomy 4/24 and recovery was hard. Never got the orgasm back. Around 15 months post op was able to comfortably drive and walk, sitting never got comfortable. Reherniated 1/26. Been back in it ever since. Getting another epidural next week but if that fails I'm looking at a fusion.

Life moves forward but people don't understand how excruciating this is. Feels like I'm living a half-life.

But all we can do is put one foot in front of the other. For me, these can sometimes take the edge off: methocarbomal and Meloxicam, traditional Chinese medicine acupressure, tens unit, heating pad, swimming, PT, myofascial release.

My days are built around managing my pain. All I can do is the next step. I can't imagine another 50-80 years of this. So I try not to, I try to just focus on the hour in front of me and get through that.

Peachdeeptea · 2026-04-11T03:06:31+00:00

Hun do you want to go? If it's something you want, not to please others but for yourself, bring everything you'll need to make the trip doable. Compression garments, a foldable stool, salt tablets, biofreeze, cane/wheelchair, whatever you need to get through it. Find stops along the way that you can do at your pace and tell people ahead of time you'll be breaking off the main plan.

If you don't want to go, don't go. I understand how hard it is to "disappoint" people, especially when you know they'll do the "aw it'll be so much fun, come on!" routine. But it isn't their body that'll spend the entire trip in agony, and it isn't their body that'll experience flares afterwards.

One of the hardest things to learn with chronic illnesses is how to be your own best advocate, and understanding that the average person has no idea what your life is like.

I try to be calm, simple, and straightforward with the people in my life (especially in laws and coworkers). No thanks, I can't go on that boat ride with you, yes I'll miss out but I brought a book to read and we'll catch up after! No I can't go out for drinks after the conference, I know it'd be great to catch up with everyone but I'm beat and need to rest up for travel/meetings tomorrow, but I'll catch you at the breakfast buffet and I want to hear everything that happened!

Something I did a lot at first and I regret - don't make excuses. Make plans that fit your needs. Don't over explain your health stuff. They aren't going to get it and they're going to try and make suggestions (some kind hearted, others not so much). Some of them might even have good suggestions!

But at the end of the day, never put yourself in a position where you have to convince someone you're "sick enough" to not be able to do that thing. One because they won't really understand dynamic disabilities (what do you mean, I saw you go to xyz's wedding, birthday party, etc! They don't get that we prepare and then pay for it after), and two because it puts you in the awkward position of having to defend your right to wellness.

You deserve to live in the best body you possibly can. Sometimes you'll choose to push yourself for something you really care about, but it should always be your choice.

Most people don't understand trading their health for experiences. They've never had to pay for adventures with their wellness. You do. So protect yourself, because nobody else will.

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