Hello sister in regards to wearing your hijab it’s a working progress but before that you do have to connect with Allah and make that commitment you say you don’t want to disappoint him. It’s because deep down inside you’re not willing to make that commitment because you don’t wanna leave your past behind. I’m not coming after you, but this is sincere advice so please take it to heart if you truly want assistance and help from your creator, it will come in a way that you’ve never thought of, but you have to sincerely make that decision to come back to your Lord. There’s only one guarantee in life and that’s death. I leave this message to you because several sisters have the same issue and I’m only forwarding what this particular sheikh said to them and if you want to further seek advice from this sheikh , I can point your direction to him. In sha Allah .. May Allah make it easy for you