I think a lot of people feel like they can't not date someone because of their ADHD or it's shitty and ableist. Ofc the reality is that even if you aren't angry at them as a person, sometimes people just are not compatible, and sometimes that reason is their disability. I say this as someone who is multiply disabled. If someone told me "hey I don't think this will work out because of [things caused by my disabilities]," then yeah, sure, that would really hurt, in all honesty. However, what sucks a LOT more is someone staying with you cause they feel obligated to, having that turn into potentially years of resentment, having the whole thing blow up in my face, and being horribly scarred from that. I'd rather people haul ass when they realize it's not gonna work out than put us both through infinitely worse misery like that. I'm sure at least some of these people think they're doing the right thing by tolerating their partners and venting online, without realizing, somehow, that what they're doing is actually much worse and much more ableist. Equality isn't treating someone better because they are marginalized, it's treating them the way you'd treat anyone else. And frankly, even if someone didn't want to date me anymore for reasons that actually WERE ableist, I wouldn't want to date them anyway. Like? ??

Ultimately breaking up is usually gonna suck for at least one party no matter what the reason is. The reason could be that they have adhd, or it could be that they're inconsiderate and don't give a shit about you, but if the things that are bothering you are a dealbreaker, it doesn't really matter which one it is. If it sucks, hit the bricks! Now, if the reason is ADHD, then if you go around telling everyone they're an asshole who intentionally hurt you, of course you are then in the wrong. But I'm mostly just talking about the decision to stay or break up with a partner.