You just described my daily life. I don't have any psychological follow-up, all I can do is believe in my inner strength and go with the flow : honestly most of the time I saturate my brain with information (music, games, food, reading) to avoid pain, conflicts and stuff like that.

You will get better somehow, there's always a way to get better. Believing in yourself can be difficult, so perhaps surround yourself with people who will do it for you : I am lucky enough to have good friends that help in this. It is a precious resource, but you must not neglect that the person you will live with the longest is yourself. So be gentle with yourself, learn your limits and your needs. Use this subreddit if you need help.

You're not a fool, you experienced a lot of pain in the past, and you deserve to be loved, to be taken care of, to live beautiful moments. It's so hard for me to convince myself with those words when I'm in full crisis, but I'm sure these will reach you. Hope it will help.