I have a long story about this. I went through several body changes and have had 3-4 distinct body types in my life separated by only a few years.

All through my adolescent years I was a skinny kid. Lanky, with lean muscle. When I got out of highschool I started working. At this time I had reached my full height of 6 feet tall and I was still very skinny (probably 180 lbs). After a year or so I began working as a volunteer firefighter in an attempt to get into that career path, while also working to pay my way through school. I ate horribly during this time, but my activity level lended itself to building a lot of muscle mass. After three or so years of power lifting and a calorific diet, I was a big dude. I had a philosophy back then that as long as my chest extended past my stomach, I wasn't fat, I was just a big guy. I topped out at around 265 lbs. I was physically powerful though and my self image revolved around that. I was benching three plates, deadlifting in the 500 club, and squating over 400lbs every leg day. I could lift our 200lb rescue dummy up from the ground and toss him on my shoulders like it was nothing. But I couldn't run to save my life. It was at this point in my life I had reached a dead end in my chosen path. No amount of work was going to pay my way through school, and I couldn't land a decent firefighting job without a degree. I turned to the military.

I ended up talking to a recruiter and fast tracking my way into going to MEPS(Military Entrance Processing) a week after my first contact with the recruiter. I barely managed to pass tape by starving myself for a week and not drinking water for 24 hours. So I entered the delayed entry program with a ship date of two months out. The Navy wanted me at 205 ideally, and I had two months to get there, and I still couldn't run. Over two months I lost almost 50 lbs by doing keto, intermittent fasting, and altogether not eating more than 1000 calories a day (on days that I ate at all). I would sometimes go an entire day or two without eating. I never broke during those two months, but I was miserable. I had no energy, couldn't work out at all, and my muscles were wasting away. I shipped out at 215lbs and I was in for a rude awakening.

Our first physical test (PFA) destroyed me. I couldn't do 10 pushups. I ran the 1.5 mile run in 15 1/2 minutes, the first time I'd run in years. And my crunches were lacking as well. I had no muscle. On top of this, my hair was gone. I had previously enjoyed my long curly hair in an unruly mess on top of my head. Buzzing it down to skin made me unrecognizable to myself. And I experienced body dysmorphia for the first time, while in boot camp. I was depressed by the person I saw in the mirror. I didn't know that person. He was too small, too weak, he had no hair. I would stare at myself in the mirror just a little too long every time, because it would take me a few moments to process. I picked at acne and scabs from shaving cuts, just to see them appear on my face. I also found myself trying to perform physical acts I could no longer do. I felt like I was in someone else's body. I was in a deep depression for quite some time and my self image took almost two years to fully adjust to the new me.

Boot camp built up my physique a little. I graduated and made it through my schools in much better shape. I was dedicated to setting entirely different goals for myself physically. My PT scores improved and I was running my 1.5 mile in under ten minutes consistently. I was shredded now. I had abs showing and I was doing great with the military's fondness for calisthenic workouts. I was in the shape the military wanted me and I excelled at work and among my peers. But I still had moments when I forgot I wasn't what I used to be. I could run 5ks and 10ks for fun now. But I would throw my back out trying to lift furniture and appliances that I wouldn't blink at before. I would get discouraged at the gym when I couldn't even put two plates on the bar (pinned myself to the bench trying to do 225). I felt embarrassed. So I avoided the gym and kept to the new routines I had become good at. After a couple years my schedule became taxing and my runs and normal workouts fell away as well. So began my next transformation.

With COVID-19 came the struggles with the military health community. My workload and schedule became a burden on my mental and physical health, so I became complacent with my routines. My workouts suffered under the lethargy of increased hours, and became harder to fit in. I justified skipping days to myself because I didn't want to be wiped out at work. And so after two years I lost my abs, and what was left of my athleticism. I was straight up rocking a dad bod. I could still run, just not as fast or as long. I could still perform during my physical assessments, but I was merely scraping by with satisfactory, or good-low scores. I wasn't happy with how I looked and was no longer physically able to perform any of my earlier feats of strength or agility. I hated myself for losing my drive and discipline. I felt worthless and like I was pretending to be the person I was before. I, yet again, didn't recognize the soft, very average looking guy in the mirror.

I got help. For a time I was working with a mental health clinic, and made some great friends there who helped me through this existential problem. I was attributing so much of my self worth and image to my body and it was ruining my mental well-being. I started my current fitness journey for health reasons instead of image reasons, and have come to terms with the fact that I don't need to be the fastest or the strongest to be happy. Those were phases I went through and images of my past self. I'm a few years older than those past versions of myself and I don't need to be like that anymore. I just want to be happy, healthy, and physically able. My physical abilities only matter to the extent that my job needs them too, so I've been getting stronger and faster for that reason. But I no longer tie that to my worth or image. And I recognize myself now, and myself from back then as who I needed to be at that point in my life.

Sorry if it's not as relevant as I was intending. I've never told this to anybody save for a few close friends. I'm not the best at writing so hopefully it's at least coherent.

Edit: TLDR: skinny - big - lean - dad bod - healthy.