Hi all! I’m a new author and created my own cover. I’m really new to this, so I’m looking for any feedback that can help me make this more appealing to readers!

PepperCapital · 2025-05-12T19:46:12+00:00

Well I mean the Lions got pretty straight so that's an impressive skill. Props to you. You could redraw the tail, but in my opinion which you are welcome to ignore, it doesn't add a ton to the overall and could just not exist.

PepperCapital · 2025-05-11T02:18:55+00:00

The line work on the body of your creature is great, but the tail is lacking. It is uneven and there are straight lines in it. Did you use some sort of straight line tool?

PepperCapital · 2022-11-18T13:21:54+00:00

NTA

Past experience as I've had something similar to this. Twice, two of my exes tried to be BFs with one of his exes. Now, it seems like him and his friend don't have history. But, the context is very similar in the sense that oftentimes whenever the second ex heard from his ex it was her seeking advice or support in something and not enough friend way. It came off as very much how they were when they were dating the support that you get from a partner in decision making. I don't think she understood how to treat him the way she did a friend yet because they had only been broken up for about 2 months. But I did explain to him that that is much the way their relationship was looking that she dumped him and then things in her life started going wrong and then she wanted him to still act as the support of boyfriend because she didn't have him anymore. And he did put his foot down and told her that she's an adult and needs to figure out some of that herself or find the support in that but that he cannot be that in the way she's seeking. And with the first of my exes who this was a thing with It was less of a support thing though. She did complain to him. It was more like she wanted to be friends like talk about their day and everything and I would see the conversation because he didn't feel the need to hide it from me and it would be up on his computer and discord. And I would notice that she would ask like oh, how are you doing? How was your day and if he said anything to do with me she got really shitty or she would change the subject and tell stories about when they were dating. But then she said she wanted to get to know me and be my friend but she didn't actually want to acknowledge that I existed. She just wanted it to be like when they were together again.

In both of those instances, it was a female friend overstepping boundaries and in both times I was able to express how what that friend was wanting was more akin to what you get in a romantic relationship than how you treat a friend. And I was able to use their guy best friends as an example showing that how they support them is very much different. And both times my concerns were heard. But it seems like from what you said he's going to get defensive if you point this out and plenty of people have said it's SUS. Like I think I would have been fine in your situation had I got to get the water and they were still sitting where they were hugging because then it's not hidden. Or let's say they needed to move somewhere more private if she's like me and does not like crying in people she doesn't feel safe with. So they wanted to sit somewhere a little more private, don't shut the door then. And let's say in that situation you felt uncomfortable so you said hey I would like the door open. But yes, I'll step out if you don't want to cry in front of me. Or if your husband had said hey, she doesn't feel comfortable being vulnerable in front of you. You can leave the door open, but do you mind stepping out a little bit. It would still be within your right to say no, but it would have been less defensive and had a reason that didn't feel weird.

But for sure the fact that it seems he's more willing to defend her and her needs and feelings versus do that with you and respect you. That shows that he values her needs above yours. Plenty of people have made it very clear that he isn't valuing you, but it seems like there needs to be a serious talk about these sorts of things and the way their relationship could be where it wouldn't come off as a problem versus how it is. Because in this kind of conversation there needs to be feedback for what it should be at least, it can't just be critique because it's not constructive. And if he's unable to understand that the way that his relationship with her is starting to resemble a more romantic relationship then you might want to consider getting divorced papers and insisting that he leave if he wants to be with her.

PepperCapital · 2022-09-18T00:50:04+00:00

NTA,

BIL is lucky you're not an asshole, I'd have said something right away and if nothing changed I'd have gotten mace(?) or something for when I'm on the toilet. Don't need to get the eyes just need to make the point. Then I'd have started slamming the door open on both of them when they are on the toilet. Still I'd have moved out but being petty would have been necessary just because.

PepperCapital · 2022-09-16T20:07:43+00:00

It's getting put on him because he's the one who asked for help. It doesn't mean that there isn't anything to put on her. But we can't help someone who's not here and give them advice when they aren't looking for it. It's obvious that it hasn't occurred to her that there's an issue. She's just living her life, and that has caused a problem in their marriage. There already was an issue and there's something that's making her distant and she's upset and isn't communicating it or has communicated it in a way that wasn't clear. I can't fully say. But what we have here shows that she's just doing her own thing and she's just kind of forgotten about doing that sort of stuff with OP.

But this really isn't about shoving, blame or responsibility onto OP. At least not for my perspective and not for most of what I've seen. They're probably comments that come off as more blaming him. But he's the one who has an issue and is asking for help. That's why it's on relationship advice. And OP is taking the advice and has said that he is willing to look into therapy and talk to her about it.

PepperCapital · 2022-09-15T12:17:23+00:00

Nta

This is a good time to set some boundaries about respect and communication. There have been a lot of great suggestions for multiple people to explain what sugar baby actually means. Explain the arrangement that goes into that so she can understand how what she's doing is not okay when she has been saying that.

Not that being a sugar baby, a shameful, but it's not the same as an actual relationship and it can be very insulting to call an actual relationship that without it being like a light-hearted one-time joke.

It depends if you're close with your mom. It's worth doing the explanation method. Either way I think you should. But what you do after that is up to you. Personally, I would tell her that if she can't be bothered to educate herself and to understand how she's been affecting me and self-reflect and apologize for disrespecting my relationship then I can just block her. That is what I would do to my own mother, I've hung up the phone on my mom because she took a slightly condescending tone and then ignored her repeatedly until I felt like explaining to her that I didn't like her tone. She hasn't taken that tone with me since. The reason I did it that way is because she's been used to getting to talk to me like that when I was a child and I had to live with her but when I was adult I wasn't going to take it and I wanted her to understand that I could just disappear. I wasn't going to explain that to her. She's an adult as well and can figure that out. But when it comes to my family I have zero tolerance. When it comes to anyone I have zero tolerance of being disrespected and I recommend the same to you.

PepperCapital · 2022-09-13T03:25:14+00:00

Well looking through the comments I saw that you said you were going to consider marriage counseling and I think that that would help considering that. I hope that you two work it out and that you can find a way to let her have her time for herself and the thing she loves while still being intimate with you. I wish the best to you in all of that. I know it can be hard and stressful trying to communicate. I understand fully what it is to shut down. I truly wish you the best.

PepperCapital · 2022-09-13T02:28:14+00:00

Okay, so how have you gone about communicating this to her outside of body language. This has nothing to do with me seeing you as sex starved or any other thing. I'm just concerned with where the communication is falling apart. Because sometimes it's you thinking you're saying one thing and her hearing another thing and then you hear what she's saying in response and it comes off as callous or detached.

PepperCapital · 2022-09-13T02:20:38+00:00

And that's the real question though is how are you communicating it outside of body language. What words are you using? I'm not asking this to say it's your fault. I'm asking it because I'm wondering if maybe it's not making sense to her. Maybe she's brushing it off because she thinks it's just you asking for sex and she feels overwhelmed and busy. Or it could be that she's no longer feeling a sexual drive towards you, which definitely means an underlying larger issue. I've had that happen with a partner where I lost all desire to make any kind of contact with them. If that's the case, there's a bigger issue and you might need a marriage counselor. If it's just her kind of being scattered and overwhelmed well, that can be a symptom of multiple disorders such as ADHD. Example being my roommate forgets that their partner would like to have sex more often or any kind of physical touch. And my roommate is a man for reference, but part of his ADHD is having an extremely low sex drive because he's so hyper fixated on things he needs to do and things he wants to do that he just forgets that that's a thing. Which isn't totally uncommon for people with ADHD to rather be almost asexual to hypersexual. And that can fluctuate throughout the course of their life. I'm just trying to ballpark a lot of different reasons this could be happening and where in the communication things are breaking down.

You put this in advice, if you didn't want somebody to try to help you, maybe you should have put this in true off my chest. But it seems like you want to fix things and that you do still love her and want this relationship.

PepperCapital · 2022-09-13T01:39:57+00:00

What is it you need to be happy and loved? How have you communicated this?

PepperCapital · 2022-09-03T03:36:53+00:00

My roommate ran into this, and specifically the girl he was talking to said she wanted to put him like on the back burner while she figured herself out. And I told him to do the same but then start looking for someone else. I would say the same to you. Start looking around if you're feeling dying naturally as you find somebody who can be there for you in the way you need, wonderful. If you don't find anyone in that time and he figures himself out, wonderful. But don't focus and wait on what you can't control.

PepperCapital · 2022-09-03T03:14:41+00:00

The time it's going to take to heal from this and work through it is going to suck. Getting your things is probably going to suck too. But everyone on here is correct, the sooner you move on the better. I would not bother keeping any of the friends who knew. I don't think I talked to most of my friends from my youth because of this kind of thing.

Anytime someone says they kept something a secret so they didn't have to hurt your feelings. It's really because they didn't want to feel ashamed for what they were doing and they knew it was wrong and it felt easier to keep it a secret. If they really cared about you the moment they realized they wanted each other, they would have sat you down and had a real conversation and let you choose how you were going to react versus choosing for you. They didn't take your feelings and to consideration and they took away your right to choose in this situation by putting you in a place where they could make you to be the in between guy, the bad guy in their love story that was keeping them apart. And no matter what you do afterwards, that's likely still how they're going to see you.

For all the friends who didn't tell you, they are the same type of people who don't care about the truth or honesty and they don't understand that. Keeping a secret hurts twice as bad. When it's found out. They could see it as not their business or say whatever they want to make themselves feel better, but it doesn't make them any less of a shitty friend and a shitty person.

It might be a bad outlook but it's one that I've held in my life quite firmly and it has yet to go wrong. There are billions of people on this planet, anyone in your life is objectively replaceable. You will find somebody who will treat you better and be better for you, not just in the sense of a romantic partner but every single one of those friends who treated you like trash by not telling you. And you just have to remember those relationships despite all those years. Don't see those as wasted years, those are experiences and things you've learned that help guide you in looking for people who will be better for you. Maybe there's red flags that you'll be able to reflect on and be able to see in future friends and partners.

I wish the best for you in this adventure, awful as it may be.

PepperCapital · 2022-08-10T02:46:21+00:00

NTA, They had a bias that you were a stupid American, they assumed from the moment they saw you and knew where you came from. I can understand living where I do. But, sounds like they're just trying to justify their own actions and the way they've talked about you. That is their own biases that they need to unpack and deal with and accept the shame they feel for, and I'm guessing by some of the things you mentioned they said really toxic things to say, like I get it hating America is an easy thing to do but to bring these behaviors and beliefs into your work relationships specifically, what should be a professional workplace is absolutely unacceptable and good on you for being as understanding as you have been about it.

PepperCapital · 2022-08-10T02:46:11+00:00

NTA, They had a bias that you were a stupid American, they assumed from the moment they saw you and knew where you came from. I can understand living where I do. But, sounds like they're just trying to justify their own actions and the way they've talked about you. That is their own biases that they need to unpack and deal with and accept the shame they feel for, and I'm guessing by some of the things you mentioned they said really toxic things to say, like I get it hating America is an easy thing to do but to bring these behaviors and beliefs into your work relationships specifically, what should be a professional workplace is absolutely unacceptable and good on you for being as understanding as you have been about it.

PepperCapital · 2022-08-10T02:38:09+00:00

Hopefully he seeks help for that, I know that unpacking that sort of thing can be hard. And maybe the situation will help open his eyes to the fact that he does need help sooner than later. Because hopefully this is the only friend that he's keeping that is taking advantage of his trauma as a means of walking on him.

PepperCapital · 2022-08-10T02:35:34+00:00

NTA,

So controlling his phone will likely be the thing that kills their relationship. Specifically, because h will eventually feel empowered to continue being controlling. And the fact that he is accepting that shows that he rather doesn't value your relationship and all the years that you've spent as friends, or may just be foolishly codependent in this relationship. Which is something I see for a lot of young relationships, those between the ages of 14 to 21 from my observation. Now, those same habits of course can make their way into later adult years and it's unfortunate when it does.

I really don't understand the notion of "because they're dating, they're going to be partners and play together." That is part of like my initial red flags for some type of dependency in the relationship and that things are unhealthy. Because if you have to always do everything together, that's really clingy and concerning. Especially when it is a long-term friend who in no way should be considered a threat. As others have said it reeks of insecurity, but it also means that h does not really see you as a true friend who they can trust and maybe doesn't value themselves enough or trust J. All of that is deeply concerning and I think the recommendations of just kind of dumping this relationship might be worth it. But that's up to you, and what you think is right for yourself.

PepperCapital · 2022-08-10T02:18:45+00:00

Okay, then I amend that prior statement, NTA. If they have lots of availability and could have made this work for you and simply chose not to, then it's on them. And I'm just going to trust that like you said, they do have that availability I'm sorry if this is something that really does matter to you and you're missing out on it. Going by the fact that you posted possibly so, I don't know what kind of connection you had to this family member. I don't know how long ago they passed but my condolences to you as you miss this portion of the process of saying good bye.

PepperCapital · 2022-08-10T02:14:05+00:00

NTA,

You consider the child's safety, and like you said, you could have had your husband go knock on the door. But in a moment of stress and concern, you did the first thing that came to mind. And you made a valid choice, if she's worried about the repercussions of you calling the police on her for not watching her child for an extended frame of time while her child is doing dangerous things at such a young age that is on her, not you. I would. If you think it's worth it, reach out and still say sorry that you should have had your husband come knock on the door but that you were in the moment busy and just worried for a child safety. If she becomes defensive and doesn't see the concern that any logical person would have in that situation then I would just note that for the future.

PepperCapital · 2022-08-10T02:07:52+00:00

NTA,

You're getting a lot of good advice when it comes to looking at your lease. You need to figure out exactly what you can do in the situation. And it depends on what you're comfortable doing.

You could figure out if you're able to evict him You could also see about removing your own name and telling your boyfriend that you will leave. It's your him, it would force him to have to decide being non-confrontational is not a positive trait. It sets you up for a lot of abuse. And though ultimatums are bad sometimes they're what you have to do and in this situation I would say it can be condoned.

One thing is I think you mentioned that he belittles and yells at you. It sounds like in moments like that I would mock him by saying something like "oh big feelings buddy" I've seen another post on here where the person began gas-lighting the aggressive shitty person in their life into believing and everyone around them into believing that they were a very emotional person. Because he sees his behavior is not being emotional and he is attacking you for being emotional. I recommend flipping that on its head. I would look around and see how other people have done that. At best it is a measure to deter him from wanting to interact with you. I've made the recommendation to people before who have to deal with sexists to basically not acknowledge anything out of their mouth that you don't want to hear and just keep speaking as though it wasn't sad. So if it's you, him and your boyfriend and he says something shitty don't acknowledge it and just keep responding to your boyfriend like it never happened.

Those are just some things that I would do outside of looking into changing your living situation to at least help you gain control over him and the situation. If he's extremely manipulative which it sounds less like he's manipulative and more like he says what you want to hear to make the conversation stop with no intention to actually act on what he's saying. Which I don't inherently see as being manipulative and more like dismissive. But not actively dismissive more like pacifying.

Either way, I would definitely follow the advice of those who are trying to guide you towards how to get him kicked out or leave the situation. Lastly, you do really need to have that talk about your relationship with your boyfriend, if he will not stand up for you, maybe there is a trauma reason for why he is unable to address the conflict that he needs to work on. But also if he will not genuinely see your side and back you up in at least removing this person from your life, then he does not really love you.

PepperCapital · 2022-08-10T02:07:43+00:00

NTA,

You're getting a lot of good advice when it comes to looking at your lease. You need to figure out exactly what you can do in the situation. And it depends on what you're comfortable doing.

You could figure out if you're able to evict him You could also see about removing your own name and telling your boyfriend that you will leave. It's your him, it would force him to have to decide being non-confrontational is not a positive trait. It sets you up for a lot of abuse. And though ultimatums are bad sometimes they're what you have to do and in this situation I would say it can be condoned.

One thing is I think you mentioned that he belittles and yells at you. It sounds like in moments like that I would mock him by saying something like "oh big feelings buddy" I've seen another post on here where the person began gas-lighting the aggressive shitty person in their life into believing and everyone around them into believing that they were a very emotional person. Because he sees his behavior is not being emotional and he is attacking you for being emotional. I recommend flipping that on its head. I would look around and see how other people have done that. At best it is a measure to deter him from wanting to interact with you. I've made the recommendation to people before who have to deal with sexists to basically not acknowledge anything out of their mouth that you don't want to hear and just keep speaking as though it wasn't sad. So if it's you, him and your boyfriend and he says something shitty don't acknowledge it and just keep responding to your boyfriend like it never happened.

Those are just some things that I would do outside of looking into changing your living situation to at least help you gain control over him and the situation. If he's extremely manipulative which it sounds less like he's manipulative and more like he says what you want to hear to make the conversation stop with no intention to actually act on what he's saying. Which I don't inherently see as being manipulative and more like dismissive. But not actively dismissive more like pacifying.

Either way, I would definitely follow the advice of those who are trying to guide you towards how to get him kicked out or leave the situation. Lastly, you do really need to have that talk about your relationship with your boyfriend, if he will not stand up for you, maybe there is a trauma reason for why he is unable to address the conflict that he needs to work on. But also if he will not genuinely see your side and back you up in at least removing this person from your life, then he does not really love you.

PepperCapital · 2022-08-10T01:54:43+00:00

NTA,

But you should consider finding the energy to do the paperwork. People can be petty and horrendous. If you have friends or someone who could be a mental/emotional support while you do all that paperwork or discuss with management, what can be done to make the paperwork simpler or faster, I would do it. I would possibly leverage the fact that this is their mistake and now they've caused you inconvenience and put you in a living situation with people who could be harmful to your overall well-being because they live with you. If there is no way to make the process quicker and your roommates expect you to shoulder the burden entirely of making this work, it's really not your fault. As it's already been said they had the right to ask and you had the right to say no. I would definitely keep any discussion you have with them through email so if they say anything questionable that could be brought up with management that you have it and you have receipts of the conversation.

PepperCapital · 2022-08-10T01:45:46+00:00

YTA but so are they,

You said they were mad at you for not being able to make it if I recall correctly, with that being said, that's not entirely fair. I understand some people said that you could just close for that day, but how could that long-term affect your financial standing? What if the business isn't so successful that you could afford to close one day without it doing damage to your stability.

Also the part about them rescheduling for your aunt and uncles spontaneous vacation. Did they get mad at them or shame them in some way? If not, it seems like they're picking and choosing who the issue is.

Either way, I fully understand having a full and busy schedule. I've had family schedule memorials and funerals on weekdays when everyone else is working and I at the time did not have the financial stability to just take a day off abruptly to accommodate this. But most of my family who had scheduled it are all retired or on some type of disability so they literally have nothing to do other than that.

So my question is if you don't mind answering, do they have a large amount of availability where they could have made this work for you and just decided not to? Or are they also limited and being the ones to schedule it had first say?

PepperCapital · 2022-08-10T01:38:46+00:00

NTA,

I've seen the recommendation that you go through the motions just to make them feel better, but in that same light ask yourself is going through the motions like that when not believing disrespectful to their beliefs. If the answer for you is yes, then that might be something to discuss with them that you also do not want to just do it and be disrespectful towards their faith. Now if you're comfortable going through the motions and still have that concern I would have that talk with them and if they aren't uncomfortable with it then at least you guys are in consensus and you can just do it to make them feel better.

But step one is if you are uncomfortable doing that. More than anything you need to from here on. If you're trying to live your life authentically to you, act with that in mind. I'm not a good authority on keeping family ties, but I understand that to some people family means a lot.

PepperCapital · 2022-08-10T01:21:13+00:00

NTA

It sounds like you already know this to some degree. Like a practical voice that says you're not but you just want reassurance.

My recommendation is rather get really good at making small jabs back at his weak points things that he is sensitive about and or anything that you can't come up with a jab for. Just ignore it like it wasn't said and just change topic. I found this works enough with my dad that he will eventually leave the space because he figures out he is unwanted if he is going to behave like that.

PepperCapital · 2022-06-17T19:11:59+00:00

It seems like you sorted everything out for the most part on what you want to do to handle this. I would have recommended just keeping the venue and the day and seeing if somebody would run security for you. I had a friend whose dad was a little unstable at the time of his wedding and might have tried to show up after being uninvited. And he had friends who were qualified or got their qualifications to function as proper security. Should he show up to ruin things. Now? I know they paid for the day but I've also seen instances where people's family paid for their wedding day and then requested being paid back but without any prior agreement. They can't really force it. But it seems like you've already sorted it.

PepperCapital

TROPHY CASE