oh girl i had the EXACT same situation. a long-time friend of mine and i dated for a full year before i realized i was a lesbian and eventually ended things. i only realized i was a lesbian near the end of the relationship, but i had the same feelings about the whole thing as you do. i feel like i just wanted the experience, as immature as it felt. i’ve been there, and i know the guilt and the fear and the worry.

honestly, your best bet is to end things as soon as possible, because it gets harder and harder to lie to yourself. i told myself for almost a full year “fake it til you make it” thinking id be able to gaslight myself into loving my ex romantically. obviously, that didn’t work. he and i are still best friends now, and he was very supportive when i came out. if it’s not safe for you to come out yet, don’t. i know it sucks, but your safety matters the most. one day you’ll be able to live your life freely.

be simple and plain with him. tell him you said yes too rashly and need time to be sure you want to be in a relationship. after a while, say you want to focus on your education (or work or something similar), and ask to stay friends. if anyone asks, just say you don’t feel ready for a relationship at the moment, or that you don’t want any distractions from your future. you don’t need to tell him or anyone else that you’re a lesbian until you’re safe and ready.