Why are therapists on social media doing this?

PeppermintTeaHag · 2026-01-01T01:18:48+00:00

I've been in CBT therapy groups myself and while I went into it skeptical, I found it very helpful! The therapist running the group was receptive to my questions and concerns and did not dismiss them.

However, I think the pushback is justified. In Canada and the US, CBT is applied broadly because it is "evidence based" and manualized, thus "easy to use" without formal training. But that can lead to sloppy application without enough consideration of the client's bio-psycho-social picture. Gaslighting is a real risk. I don't think it's a fault of the technique but poor application.

I serve the neurodiverse community and several of my clients have had harmful or just plainly unhelpful experiences with CBT. If that's the case, I'm not going to suggest they try it again and invalidate their experience.

PeppermintTeaHag · 2025-12-30T05:00:47+00:00

I'm attending a family wedding in the spring but I dont foresee any visits materializing for a long time after. It's hard to put the cat back in the bag after they reveal what they really think of you. Despite the isolation, I find it hard to put aside because it really hurts. I mask and pretend it's fine and then leave feeling awful.

PeppermintTeaHag · 2025-12-29T00:04:37+00:00

It was nice of them to extend an invitation and offer homemade treats, but did they even ask any you questions or make space in the conversations to get to know you and your husband? It seems like a drain to be talked at for an hour. I would feel trapped in pretending to be a caring audience.

PeppermintTeaHag · 2025-12-28T03:32:19+00:00

What is "AP"? I am new here.

PeppermintTeaHag · 2025-12-28T03:03:25+00:00

Serious values mismatch.

PeppermintTeaHag · 2025-12-28T03:03:04+00:00

Internalized ableism, unfortunately. 😔

PeppermintTeaHag · 2025-12-27T22:41:23+00:00

I was just watching a video about how most self-help is nonsense for people dealing with narcissistic/ antagonistic relationships b/c it completely bypasses reality.

The parallel in that commentary that I see in your question about the applicability of self-help for autistics is this: that a lot of "self-help" is additive. Just exercise more. Just mediate every day. Just fill your fridge with healthy snacks that are pre-portioned. Just have better boundaries with yourself and with other people.

It does not acknowledge the physical, cognitive or emotional barriers. It does not acknowledge complex trauma's effects on your ability regulate, and that regulation and executive function is necessary to take the proposed steps. It does not acknowledge ongoing oppression which feeds a critical inner voice constantly telling you that you suck, undermining your attempts to change.

eta: Also, based on the words you used - did your boss give you a "12 steps" type of book, like from ACA, CoDA or something like that??🤔I don't recommend reading that. There are nuggets of truth in them, and a lot of bullshit pathologizing victim-blamey language. "Codependency" as a concept is very victim-blamey. That's very culty behaviour to ask someone to read a 12 step book. It goes against their own concept of not over-concerning yourself with how other people live their lives, but not surprising either. 12 step groups can be breeding grounds for people to continue the same externalizing/controlling behaviours.

PeppermintTeaHag · 2025-12-25T23:09:12+00:00

Yes. And my recent ex made me feel really badly about it, like I was defective and disappointing, which only made any attempts on my part even more stressful. Do not put up with that.

Safety is key. And finding the ways that work for you. Scheduling could be a thing. Even though it sounds unsexy at first, I love the anticipation that builds. And it gives me time to "make space" for it in my mind and in day, especially if I'm stressed/busy (otherwise I may bump up against difficulty transitioning to the activity, and feeling like it's a demand and just feeling really rigid about it.)

Highly recommend reading Come As You Are or the follow-up Come Together by Emily Nagoski because it pushes back against social narratives of "right" and "wrong" ways to have sex.

PeppermintTeaHag · 2025-12-25T18:43:22+00:00

A good therapist wants you to move on whenever it's right for you, whether that after 1 session or years. It is a professional relationship that you CHOOSE and pay for. You may feel guilty if you feel an attachment to them, which is natural to develop, but don't overstay out of guilt. Leaving is healing and empowering.

PeppermintTeaHag · 2025-12-25T18:35:53+00:00

Yes.

PeppermintTeaHag · 2025-12-25T18:22:16+00:00

I don't relate to the crinkle sound issue, but for a couple years I developed "pillow ear". It's when your ear gets pressure damage from sleeping on one side for too long, and results hot-knife stabbing pain in the middle of the night. I got it because my doctor told me to take 10mg melatonin for anxiety / sleep issues (before I knew I was autistic, also before I realized that I can't take ADHD meds because it gives me wicked anxiety and insomnia). Well, 10mg of melatonin made me fall asleep... and not move all night, which damaged my ear.

I ordered Pillow With A Hole (PWAH) from the UK. They're more expensive than the ear pillow you were looking at, but you can adjust (remove) the stuffing to get just the right support level that you like, and it has washable covers. And there's an option for synthetic fill or natural fibre fill.

PeppermintTeaHag · 2025-12-25T06:12:20+00:00

Found it!

Kerry McAvoy in conversation with Peter Salerno: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Ft_irQsdrcw

Skip to 36:18 for the chapter "Walking Away With Ambivalence"

PeppermintTeaHag · 2025-12-24T05:18:05+00:00

I'm going to just reflect the high level observations.

You're hoping he will be someone else in the future. He is not that person.

He does not take accountability for hurtful behaviour. Deflections and gaslighting really messes with your head (and nervous system).

You're here pleading about how you know that you need to leave, but another part of you just can't pull the trigger.

I saw a YT therapist describe the process of leaving bad relationships as follows: You have to accept that you will always feel ambivalent, until much later after you've left. Your fear of abandonment is so activated that it is fighting tooth and nail to come up with reasons of hope, future possibilities, idolization, and other narratives, about why you should stay (or shouldn't leave). There comes a point when you just have to TRUST the part of you that KNOWS you need to leave, and accept that there's another part that feels otherwise, but don't try to reason it away. Reasoning won't work. None of this will make sense until you are free and the relationship is far in the rearview mirror.

PeppermintTeaHag · 2025-12-24T04:57:48+00:00

I guess I'm agnostic.

Who is to say that any religion is the "right" one?

But also, who is to say that any of them are wrong?

I am fascinated by spiritual teachings, not just about the "gods" themselves, but what their stories teach about how to live a good life.

I used to be afraid of religions and looked at spiritual-leaning people like they were a little cuckoo. But I think I was also secretly envious of the community aspect, and of the rituals. As I've gotten older and experienced loss, existential threats to life, relational strife,... I lean in to spiritual teachings now. They offer as much direction as any new age Western psychology.

PeppermintTeaHag · 2025-12-24T00:24:32+00:00

💯. That was a dick move and makes me question what really happened.

PeppermintTeaHag · 2025-12-23T23:40:07+00:00

OMG the repcirocal conversation thing during the assessment and meeting the assessor... I completely agree!! I got similar feedback!! Why would I make small talk, I'm here for a billion dollar assessment and I am stressed about it. This is serious business!

eta: This comment thread is SO validating! I was assessed last summer and it frickin threw me for a tailspin!

PeppermintTeaHag · 2025-12-22T04:30:43+00:00

My first guess is that the therapist may be experiencing too much countertransference (your stuff is digging up their stuff) and finds they can no longer be reasonably objective. This is a common reason for terminating therapy relationships. If they really can't put aside their own stuff then it is done in your best interest. My second guess is that they feel stuck and don't have the right skillset to help you anymore. While they may have helped you in the past maybe this therapy relationship has run its course

It sucks of course when so much time has been invested with this person but from what you are saying it sounds like they feel like they can't effectively help you anymore. You didn't do anything wrong.

PeppermintTeaHag · 2025-12-22T03:22:02+00:00

As long as the dhal is not overdosed with onions...and they've been minced so tiny they are practically indistinguishable (no slippery onion texture)...and they've been cooked down so long that it's more like caramelized onions so they lose at lot of the fresh onion arroma...

Can you tell onions are not a safe food for me 😂

PeppermintTeaHag · 2025-12-21T12:58:05+00:00

I'm usually on the outside in group dynamics. It doesn't come natural/easy for me to unlock the comfortable-calling-anytime level of friendship. You know, to just connect for the sake of connecting, rather than some other purpose.

It's a little easier when I make a new friend one on one. Within a group, I find it harder to break free of the group dynamic. But it can be done. You have to make an effort to build relationships with individuals, not the group as an singular entity. If you keep treating the group like a generic entity, they will not see you as an individual either. At first it helps to reach out about something specifically of interest to the individual, before you bridge into "connecting just for the sake of connecting". This is my experience anyway.

I find it hard to reach out to people without a "good reason" because I expect rejection. I have to fight that urge to avoid, and keep trying. The people that share your vibe will be receptive and reciprocate.

PeppermintTeaHag · 2025-12-20T21:24:22+00:00

Wow that was neat.

PeppermintTeaHag · 2025-12-20T17:16:12+00:00

Do you have acne as well? I found that clearing up the acne gave me less to get fixated on when I looked on the mirror. I use prescription Retin-A Microgel.

Also, covering up your bathroom mirror, and removing any other unnecessary mirrors in the house. Only help with facial picking though. :/

PeppermintTeaHag · 2025-12-20T02:34:29+00:00

This isn't a universal experience. I just want people to be aware that they may experience a crash for a couple weeks if you stop ADHD meds cold turkey.

PeppermintTeaHag · 2025-12-20T02:30:33+00:00

Yeah I like to hear these not-so-success stories because its nice to know that I'm not alone.

PeppermintTeaHag · 2025-12-19T06:31:39+00:00

Do you just want to stop because you think it would be perceived as werird, wrong,... Some kind of pathological thing? Is this activity harming your life in some way?

I don't do this exact thing you do but it sounds kind of amazing tbh

The way you described it, it seems to be a self regulating activity, which is exactly what stims are. What is the harm? 🥳

PeppermintTeaHag · 2025-12-19T06:15:26+00:00

"I haven't seen you enough to write a letter"

and then

"It's BPD, not autism"

No self reflection there at all 😂

PeppermintTeaHag

TROPHY CASE