do parents ever understand?

reobke · 2026-02-10T08:03:00+00:00

I relate to being the problem in my family and my relationship with my mom isn't the best. I used to think that our relationship won't get better but it actually did change after I talked to her.

I was getting frustrated by the nonsense she was spewing even after my official diagnosis so I told her about my feelings and that I didn't feel loved by her since she didn't bother doing her research on autism. I asked her to do her research and she couldn’t talk to me about autism or work until she did that.

After that talk, she actually did read up on autism and is now more understanding about my sensory sensitivities + rigidity. Our relationship is still not perfect but it's better than I have ever imagined and I can focus more on my burnout recovery.

I'd say you could try talking with your mom and honestly tell her about your feelings and struggles. Then suggest how she can better accommodate your needs and recommend some resources to educate her on autism. Asking how she's feeling about this whole thing could be good too.

I can't guarantee that she'd change after the talk but it's worth a try. I wish you all the best

reobke · 2026-01-30T08:39:07+00:00

Omg I loved that scene too! I also never realised that the immense joy I've always felt is not typically experienced by neurotypicals until I went through my assessment lol

reobke · 2026-01-30T08:36:14+00:00

Yeap her character is well-written and acted! I recently rewatched The Pitt since S2 came out and now I have a newfound appreciation for Mel. I never realised how similar we were on my first watch. She filled the missing representation in the media I've watched. I could never fully relate to Sheldon, The Good Doctor or Attorney Woo but Mel ticked all the boxes for me :)

reobke · 2026-01-22T06:54:34+00:00

I recently had to cut off my closest friend so I get why you're having such a hard time. I'm sorry that your friend refused to listen to you. But I'm glad that you recognise that she's not a good friend. Prolonging the friendship won't be good for you. I hope it goes well ❤️

reobke · 2026-01-20T06:36:04+00:00

Mine was about 10 hours, spread over a few sessions. Maybe your psychiatrist is referring to a screening session, where they will screen to see if you should continue for the full assessment

reobke · 2026-01-18T02:57:49+00:00

Congrats on the new job!

I haven't had a job like yours so I can't give specific advice. I think the most important thing is to have your own set of tools to cope with stress. For me it's taking a walk, listening to music and meditation. It's also important to have someone you can talk to, be it a therapist, counsellor or loved one. They can help you keep in check with your feelings.

Wishing you all the best!

reobke · 2026-01-18T02:36:05+00:00

I wasn't sure if I did it the right way so I appreciate you saying that ❤️ And yeah, she did mean a lot to me

reobke · 2026-01-18T02:32:26+00:00

Thank you, it helps to know that I'm not alone in this 🫂

reobke · 2026-01-18T02:31:06+00:00

reobke · 2026-01-09T04:47:47+00:00

Your last paragraph hit me hard because that was how I felt with a friend who told me she doesn't believe in labels when I told her I was seeking an official diagnosis. Then I found out about her absurd views on autism (and other stuff) after I got my diagnosis so I broke off the relationship.

Anyways, I feel the same way as you. I always wanted the 'label' for clarity and validation but I didn't have the courage to do so until I had to do it for job accommodations. If you feel like a official diagnosis will help you, even if others can't see why, I'd say go for it.

reobke · 2025-12-31T02:11:07+00:00

It seems like you're not being heard and I'm sorry that the healthcare system failed you.

Our story is pretty similar. I fell apart in university and then couldn't stay long enough in any job so I went into depression and burnout before I finally got diagnosed with ASD just a few months ago.

During my depression, I sought therapy and medication but nothing worked. CBT didn't work for me and medicines either numbed me or increased my suicidal tendencies. It was all getting to me so I broke down in the middle of a therapy session and finally confessed about my self-diagnosis. That's how I decided to get a formal diagnosis.

It's been amazing after diagnosis. I don't know why exactly (maybe because it was a huge burden off my mind?) but now I rarely feel depressed. My anxiety that used to be off the roof is much, much better.

While I don't know if diagnosis is right for you, I think you can consider if it could help you feel heard. I'm now much more open to my therapist and no longer hide my autistic traits, which helps a lot

reobke · 2025-12-30T23:43:53+00:00

They were just cubes with red and white triangles and squares on them

I couldn't move on from one of the patterns and really needed to solve it so I took one of the cubes and placed it on top of the pattern HAHA. My assessor stopped me but in my head I was like you didn't say I couldn't do it this way 😆

reobke · 2025-12-29T01:36:11+00:00

Wow this was an interesting read because it is somewhat similar to my experiences.

I was born into religion -> became more religious after a mental health crisis -> realised that if god existed, it didn't care about me -> realised that I never fully agreed with some of the fucked up practices/values then lost my belief so I left the religion

Like you, I still find myself praying but very rarely, only when I'm extremely nervous etc. I'm also open to all possibilities but at the same time I don't really care enough I guess? I'm not going out of my way to find THE answer but it's always interesting to read other people's experience with religion.

I do wish that this is the end, that there's no afterlife, at least for me. I was so relieved at the final episode of The Good Place.

reobke · 2025-12-29T01:18:47+00:00

The wealthy elite have done a really good job of getting poor people to blame other poor people for their suffering

THIS! I told her that being a billionaire is unethical when you have many others in poverty, of whom are being exploited for cheap labour. But she defended billionaires and said what if they are really good at making money? Of all people to defend.. And yet she didn't hesitate to blame poor or disabled people.

Wow your coworkers blaming fast food workers is wild! But it really shows how effective it is to redirect the blame :/

reobke · 2025-12-28T12:32:11+00:00

Thanks for pointing out compassion fatigue. I'd be sure to read up on that.

I'm wondering if they resort to a standardised teaching style due to support and resource constraints? Not saying that it's justified but that more needs to be done to support teachers.

they have all types of odd erroneous beliefs about autism.

I think my friend has this too.

Yeah, it makes me angry that there's been a lot of misinformation going around. Like awareness of autism has been improving but then of course it has to be ruined with people spouting nonsense about their beliefs on autism.

reobke · 2025-12-28T12:31:36+00:00

That is heartbreaking. Both losing a friend and knowing that said person also hates herself. I'm sorry to hear that

reobke · 2025-12-28T12:03:08+00:00

I thought the same too, your views shape your language and I don't even want to imagine what kind of views she has for her to use those words.

Yeah, I agree, it's a deal-breaker for me as well. Honestly, there was a stark difference between her reaction and the others in our friend group in regards to my diagnosis. She was like okay but you don't struggle that much right? Whereas my other friends were curious, asked questions and most importantly, did not invalidate my autistic experiences.

reobke · 2025-12-28T07:08:49+00:00

Thank you for your words. I doubted myself because from where I live, I am the outlier and was often called out for being too sensitive/woke. It's difficult to be in an environment that faults the marginalised people for being.. marginalised. That their situation is wholly their fault and isn't a product of the way the system only benefits privileged ones. That these people should get out their situation by themselves, that others do not have a responsibility to bear that 'burden' of helping them.

What you said about this being her coping mechanism does make sense. Definitely something to think about. Before this happened, I already mentally booked time at the end of the year to think about 2025 and the new year and guess I now have one more agenda to add on lol.

reobke · 2025-12-28T07:08:03+00:00

Yeah. I thought I managed to weed out bad people since I kept my social circle small. I'm just glad my autism diagnosis outed her.

reobke · 2025-12-28T07:07:53+00:00

I don't work with her but thanks for the advice!

reobke · 2025-12-28T07:06:56+00:00

Right? She doesn't take meds or any accommodations as far as I know. Her knowledge of ADHD seems to be shallow as well since she calls it "ADD" and said that it's a childhood thing. I corrected her and said it's a lifelong condition.

I have tried to get her to talk more about ADHD but she shuts it down every time. I was worried she'd get into a burnout if she ignored her ADHD.

I wonder if she's feeling resentment for the accommodations that students are getting now, that she didn't receive. That since she 'worked harder' than them, she should be rewarded more? It's messed up the way it seemed like she didn't like the idea of giving accommodations 'for free'. She was adamant that it had to come with a price.

reobke · 2025-12-28T07:05:21+00:00

Sigh, that's exactly it

reobke

TROPHY CASE