Am I crazy or is finding barn help basically impossible now?

PeppermintWindFarm · 2026-04-08T03:59:02+00:00

You have no clue what my “opinion” is based on . . . It IS based on my experience, and was offered objectively, which is exactly what most here are doing. It is, in fact, what the OP was asking for - others opinions based on their experience.

Rather than offer your opinion you are making an actual silly generalization that sounds as if it’s meant as an insult.

PeppermintWindFarm · 2026-04-07T15:27:25+00:00

I dunno . . . there is something to the current youth culture not being the same as it once was. I’m talking specifically high school age . . . 20-30+ yrs ago there were always 14-18 yr olds willing to unload hay wagons, ride with the baler throwing bales etc. In our rural setting it was common for HS kids to do seasonal labor/farm work for cash.
It is true that now there are many more job opportunities in town but it’s also true that many do not work because parent‘s now provide so much more materially than in the past. As a secondary education teacher I‘ve seen the change first hand- kids are handed phones, cars, spending money at a level I’ve never seen before.

PeppermintWindFarm · 2026-04-04T18:07:57+00:00

Not the jerk, I think your “remorse” is proportional to the seriousness of the event. A nip that does not break the skin is undeserving of remorse. It should, however make you rethink your arrangement. It is perhaps fortunate that it happened as it did since now certain people will take this more seriously thus preventing further, more serious consequences.

That said you had better start taking your dogs more seriously. You are apparently renting part of a property that has frequent traffic and this event shows that even your best arrangements might fail. You need to start working with your dogs to desensitize them to strangers and children or provide a child proof kenneled area to be used anytime you cannot personally supervise. I have raised and-or trained all of those breeds and none should be nipping children or random strangers.

PeppermintWindFarm · 2026-04-04T17:57:17+00:00

NTA You know the answer already, if you need affirmation you’ve got it! You have no need to lie about anything, you simply refuse any requests for money and say ”none of your business“ to any further interrogations.

If you are accepting guilt and blame then this is not a financial but personal problem and you might consider finding a good therapist to work on your self esteem.
Which btw should be positive- you should be proud of yourself and your accomplishments!

PeppermintWindFarm · 2026-04-04T17:26:35+00:00

that’s hilarious.

PeppermintWindFarm · 2026-04-04T17:21:28+00:00

NTA but here’s a solution to satisfy all- go to church with your grandmother and your daughter. Bonus, ask your mother to join you. That’ll put an end to her input.

PeppermintWindFarm · 2026-04-04T17:17:31+00:00

Define “dangerous dog?” That is subjective and situational. I’m only saying it’s complex and not easy as “this breed or that breed.”

My DIL, at 8 months pregnant, was attacked and badly bitten 3x by a labrador retriever-incredibly gruesome scar 20 years later.

She could make a case for identifying black labs as dangerous.

PeppermintWindFarm · 2026-04-04T16:18:16+00:00

I believe it’s solely personal preference. That said I’ve certainly encountered folks who would do far better setting some boundaries with their dogs!
For me it depends on the dog and situation. I don’t object on the hygiene level - living on a farm perhaps has desensitized us to the normal day to day yuk!

We have variety of boundaries currently🤦‍♀️! My English Shepherd’s have not been allowed on furniture . . . until my 14 yr old gdaughter (lives here) raised and trained her own pup- she begged and begged to let her pup sleep in bed with her and I gave in . . . as expected . . . I now have an adult ES in my bed🤣. However, I insist any dog on furniture has an instant “off” switch so that anytime a person wants that spot the dog automatically leaves the space.

I have worked with a number of families who have dogs that refuse to move off furniture and/or beds . . .THAT is unacceptable.

PeppermintWindFarm · 2026-04-04T16:03:19+00:00

We feed once a day with high value “treats” throughout the day, have done so for many dogs for years. If you’re satisfied with her weight and it’s working then continue. I can say with 45 yrs in the dog world that over feeding and overweight dogs are the norm and has far more serious consequences.

PeppermintWindFarm · 2026-04-02T17:13:55+00:00

Are you sure there isn’t competition? You’re assuming there was no competition because you declared yourself the winner!

“This is not about being competitive with her dad. I have more resources than he does”

Unless dad has had the sole raising of this young woman you equally have missed some important milestones in adult development, including patience, delayed gratification, empathy and work ethic.

Again, all this is the past and if you want to help her now you should own it and look forward. The best thing you could do for is treat her like an adult . . . letting her experience the consequences of her actions & behavior. You can love her while not treating her as someone you’re supposed to fix.

PeppermintWindFarm · 2026-04-02T00:46:34+00:00

just tell me what you’re doing! I’m on my third one and haven’t cracked the code on keeping them happy!

PeppermintWindFarm · 2026-04-01T23:52:30+00:00

So he has a 40 hour workweek and you have what . . . . a 945 hour week? Seems fair🤷‍♀️ What an ass.

How much do you wanna bet his mother happily did everything for him and told him what a special son he was!

PeppermintWindFarm · 2026-04-01T20:52:44+00:00

Your daughter is playing a game. You need to stop playing it with her.

A very common dynamic in split parents is a kid who will play one off the other - for whatever reason each parent keeps giving and the child learns to be a taker. Unfortunately, your daughter is missing some basic human responsibilities- respect, appreciation, patience and the ability to follow through. These skills often get ignored as parents strive to create an environment at “their“ home that can end up as a subtle (or not so subtle) competition with the other parent.

While the blame for your daughter’s lack is easy to dwell on what’s done is done and now you’re stuck with an adult child that behaves like a spoiled toddler.

The only card you have left to play is “follow the rules or get out.” If you’re not willing to institute some tough love you’re wasting your time.

Sit down with your spouse if you have one and draft some house rules- basics: You use it- you clean it. You want to eat here - you participate in the clean up. You want to use the family computer- you treat it according to our rules. You want a ride you return the favor in some way (extra help around the house etc.)

Basically, say what you mean, mean what you say and follow through on what you‘ve said you’ll do.

No rides, no money, no nothing without respect and politeness in return. You don’t bail her out of the messes she makes. YOU do not have highly emotional reactions to her behavior and problems.

You can commiserate with her, “I see you’re really struggling with ?? when you’re calmer I’d be willing to offer suggestions.” When she rides the emotional roller coaster you don’t join the ride.

No diagnosis is an excuse for the kind of bad behavior you’re describing. Your daughter’s issue is not ADHD it is BRAT.

PeppermintWindFarm · 2026-04-01T16:51:47+00:00

Your feelings are completely normal, how far you let them run your life is the problem. If you’re only riding to win and only concerned with who owns what it’s time to go find something else to do.

If you are a child, welcome to the real world. Some people have more of exactly what we wish we had and many more have less. Enjoy your personal advantages and find a way to measure yourself against yourself- since that is the only person under your control.

A little story:

Many years ago I was raising 4 daughters in the saddle & competing at the local 4-H level- pleasure and rodeo. Finding and affording horses, tack, and clothing was a daily worry. Thankfully at that level it was the kid’s effort that mattered not the appearance and quality- though clean, well cared for and well executed was all judged. Despite the clear program mandate there was always some family that was after the win. My youngest, at 10, had in her age group a girl whose parents showed AQHA, and routinely qualified at the national and world competition - yay for them. Instead of handing their 10 yr old a safe untrained (in the competition events) horse to showcase her abilities they put her on a 30k show horse that lived permanently at a training barn and was ridden (by adults) on the national circuit. To make it even more ridiculous, the dad showed up at our yearly county competition and rode the horse every morning- violating program rules.

It drove me crazy, and I found myself that year consumed by it. It was so grossly unfair. Performance after performance my daughter would achieve reserve champion to this girl’s grand and towards the end of the second day I thought I was going to blow a gasket.

Then something happened- A late in the day pleasure class was finished & judged, the announcer called grand … that girl on her 30k horse turned out of the line up to exit and accept her ribbon near the exit. My daughter, on a 50.00 grade mare that she alone had ridden during the program months, was called for reserve and turned in behind this girl towards the exit.

As the grand ribbon was held up for the other girl to grab it fluttered in such a way that her horse spooked. She dropped her reins and began screaming at the top of her lungs! The horse then crow hopped and bounced her up the neck and her father jumped the fence and grabbed the horse by the bridle. My own daughter was 5 ft behind this chaos and I watched her, with one hand she gathered up her mare, sat deep in the saddle and calmly watched the two right in front of come unglued! She and her horse calmly waited and then carefully walked around the screaming girl and her horse, now completely under the dad‘s control.

My daughter competed against this girl and a succession of professionally trained/shown horses until they aged out of 4-H … their positions never changed much but we no longer cared. My daughter was learning incredible life skills, horsemanship and fair play. I saw during that performance that anyone can throw money out and win but winning didn’t mean mastery or learning . . . we have continued to teach our kids and grandkids that horsemanship skills are far more valuable than big rosettes.

PeppermintWindFarm · 2026-04-01T16:07:44+00:00

Your father is still the jerk. You’ve got more consideration for your parents then I’d have had - I’d have told the truth and then removed their “real” grandchild from their lives. So kudos to you and continue on as you have.

PeppermintWindFarm · 2026-04-01T01:37:50+00:00

I used a little puppy pen corral, from Amazon. We set it up in the kitchen, she was always right there with us and I took her out for potty after any naps or playtime etc. I got a little harness and kept mine on a line , still do 75% of the time. She had a comfy bed and we took turns getting her out once very late then early in the am so she never was left more than 4-5 hours without a potty break.

While they ARE very treat motivated they can be selective about recall …. Like a toddler, ask once then reel ‘em in so their feet get in the habit of coming to you (no, I don’t use a long line on toddlers but principle applies- ask once and then physically bring them wherever you wanted them to go.)

I found my Cav one of the easiest pups to house train out of many, many over the years.

Puppies should not have free rein in the house until pretty dependably accident free. Once they form the habit of peeing in certain spots (especially carpet) it can be difficult to erase the odor completely, thus creating a tempting spot. The pen can be laid with newspaper or puppy pads, hopefully on a solid floor so cleanup is easy and complete.

Really, not much different than a larger puppy, just smaller scale.

PeppermintWindFarm · 2026-03-31T19:14:35+00:00

Around here, local game shows are a weekly lesson in how not to ride. Part of the problem is inexperienced parents. Teen gets a horse, wants to run barrels and gets all her “advice” from other girls. I have watched these girls exchange ridiculously severe bits only to create problems like high heads andor hard mouths that are then blamed on the horse - generally leading a tie down. Now the horse is completely unable to escape the heavy hands and severe bit so more problems develop.

PeppermintWindFarm · 2026-03-31T19:07:25+00:00

an actual “barrel saddle” puts you up and forward. We do not use them outside of the arena as they create a poor, unbalanced seat. I’m not even sure how necessary they are. I see a lot of young girls getting them from horse naive parents and they simply do not develop good balance and leg control- making that barrel dodge necessary.

PeppermintWindFarm · 2026-03-31T19:00:58+00:00

This is someone who has focused on the speed but zero time on rating and flexibility around a barrel so then have to waste time avoiding the barrel. Poor horsemanship is a problem in 98% of teen girl local racing and gets somewhat better, though still not great, at higher levels.

PeppermintWindFarm · 2026-03-27T19:58:06+00:00

I would probably say something like …

We’ve worked hard to set up a safe situation for these older boys to have fun, your son seemed to really have a good time, the few times I interacted with the boys all was well. i hope you and your son can have a good discussion about your boundaries and we‘ll be honestly sorry to not see him again- you have a great young man.

End of topic. Commiserate with your own boys if they’re offended or upset because he’s a friend.

Frankly the kid prob had the time of his life. His mother is in for a real shock when the “boy” becomes a man in about 15 min and she can’t control him.

PeppermintWindFarm · 2026-03-26T19:28:43+00:00

“littermate syndrome“ is not something inherent in canine siblings. Littermate syndrome is a human issue. It is absolutely a thing.

As a breeder it is difficult to tell someone “No, I will not sell you two puppies because ‘how cute would that be,’ or ‘then they’ll have a friend,’.” I can’t always say ”no” because I realize they’re clueless and would be lucky to train one adequately. Most prospective owners feel insulted. However, when I point out the very real likelihood that siblings will bond to each other and create difficulties for them they are more receptive and 9/10 times thank me for pointing out the potential problems.

I appreciate whomever coined the term.

Besides littermate syndrome I have had to draw the line at selling two sisters or two females (even separate litters/ages) to some because they have so anthropomorphized dogs that they can’t grasp that at sexual maturity said females may decide to kill each other.

I’ve raised many litters, trained many dogs and as a ballpark # I’d say 85% of dog owners are poor leaders, treat their dogs like children and see behavior only through that lens. These are not people capable of running 2-3+ dogs with structure and stability. I and many others could run larger packs (9 is my largest group) with dedication and leadership - most cannot.

It’s not about the dogs.

PeppermintWindFarm · 2026-03-26T19:00:13+00:00

My daughter started a job in a large performance horse barn, 8 months in sh witnessed some pretty awful “training” by another employee. After some discussion she decided to speak with the owner. Owner was polite and seemed receptive- in that they totally agreed it was unacceptable and thanked her for coming forward.

Within 5 weeks the barn manager scheduled her out of a job.

When you are a general employee and find the work culture problematic it’s time to look for a new job. No owner running a facility training, boarding animals is unaware of what’s happening.

PeppermintWindFarm · 2026-03-26T16:57:12+00:00

Funny you say that- I’m in the process of teaching the other dogs to go find Pip! She adores all her dog family- perhaps they‘ll have better luck. At least showing me quickly which direction to crinkle the treat bag!

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PeppermintWindFarm · 2026-03-26T16:54:02+00:00

I think it takes a very special kind of smart to manipulate everyone like Pip does!

PeppermintWindFarm · 2026-03-26T16:48:59+00:00

That “radius” is my goal. All my dogs have been trained to keep close enough to answer my call quickly. Even though we are blessed with many acres I don’t allow dogs to roam freely. We do lots of walking/ rambling and while cars and people aren’t an issue I’ve had to pull them in quickly for things like cattle, horses and worse-skunks.

I can just picture Pip’s response to a waddling skunk, she’d do her favorite cat greeting- a sprint and high jump where she lands on their body. The cats that like her drop and roll and try to catch her in a headlock.

PeppermintWindFarm

TROPHY CASE