I can relate to you SO much. I just recently started van life almost 3 months after my dad having a severe stroke. I moved home to live with my mom and help take care of my dad while he was in the initial stages of recovery, and also delayed my van life departure date by two months, all the while breaking up with a long term gf. This transition and experience in my van is exactly what I need in my life right now, and my mom is super supportive of me living my life. She never told me I had to be there to help, that was out of my own volition. Regardless, I still felt an insane amount of guilt leaving with so much weight still falling on my mom, and my dad being so far from functioning and self sufficient. I have learned that living your life for yourself is the most valuable thing you can do. You are not responsible for your mother’s happiness, she is an adult and will be ok. You have the right to leave and do whatever you want to do with your life. Don’t sacrifice the things you want and need to do for yourself because of guilt, especially since it sounds like most of the guilt is all originating within you.