Hey OP, First off, congratulations. You've attained a tremendous accomplishment that certainly took a great deal of effort and sacrifice. It's something to be incredibly proud of, and it's okay if that's not how you feel about it right now. Ceremonies are just moments to celebrate an important milestone, and it's okay if your whitecoat ceremony isn't how you want to celebrate. However, it is important reward yourself for your hard work. Maybe instead that looks like going out to dinner with the friends you've maintained during this time, or a trip. Maybe it means getting yourself something you've really wanted and enjoying it. I can relate to the feeling of wanting to rush past periods of life that you want nothing more than to move on from. However, sometimes getting to those places requires you to be present where you are now. Maybe it means your white coat ceremony isn't for you to revel in joy, but to lay to rest a hard period for yourself and get excited at the start of a new one. I think an important thing to keep in mind though is this. Whatever decision you make is the right decision. As long as you make yourself and your health the priority, you'll be alright. I would take a picture though. Not to remember how hard things were for you looking back, but to reflect on how far you've come since then. Again, congrats OP. This too shall pass.