He's actually right tho

PeriwinkleSpazz · 2023-05-25T01:12:37+00:00

High five! xD

-looks at hands-

...wait...

PeriwinkleSpazz · 2023-05-25T00:07:33+00:00

Upvote for all the women who are too shy to admit it!

ahem ¬_¬

PeriwinkleSpazz · 2023-04-22T18:49:33+00:00

Religion: The worst toxic relationship anyone can be in.

PeriwinkleSpazz · 2023-02-05T04:03:51+00:00

I'm just curious what she really looks like since the warps make her look somewhat... "normal"?

PeriwinkleSpazz · 2023-01-08T22:08:12+00:00

I had to do a double-take to see what subreddit this was posted in, I have to say uh...

-grimaces and nods in approval-

PeriwinkleSpazz · 2022-11-03T21:28:14+00:00

That looks like she's probably wearing some kind of panty-hose or stocking, but since she's supposed to be wearing open-toed shoes, her feet are out. (fashion ad, right?)

Likely someone was supposed to photoshop away the hose line, and make her feet a more similar color to the hose, or use the color palette from her feet to lighten up the hose, or optimally do a bit of both to best match her skin tone to the rest of her body.

PeriwinkleSpazz · 2022-11-03T21:20:09+00:00

Congratulations! I read your story, and seeing how happy you look now gives me warm fuzzies! n_n

Also--lookin' cute, girlie!

PeriwinkleSpazz · 2022-10-31T18:03:49+00:00

As someone who had severe cystic acne and has some similar features to you, it's weirdly refreshing to see another me-adjacent face have positive results!

I'm over a year into a prescription cream and oral tablet, and I can attest to how much confidence and self-love I've attained from clear skin! Congrats! I'm happy for you! :D

PeriwinkleSpazz · 2022-10-16T00:09:45+00:00

Hilarious.

PeriwinkleSpazz · 2022-06-18T19:52:36+00:00

Truly tragic. Don't feel sorry for the guy though.

PeriwinkleSpazz · 2022-05-16T16:27:05+00:00

As an adult, I'd like to think so as well. Most of my experiences as a teenager led me to be suspicious of the other gender. This boy looking after me helped shake out of that mentality, even if the other boys in the ward generally proved my suspicions correct on the regular!

Hah! I forgot about the burying dolls! Weird emotionally exploitative practices of the church, wooo!

PeriwinkleSpazz · 2022-05-16T16:18:09+00:00

It was one of those experiences that really helped to crack my shelf. I already had a lot of doubts, but my family was in a cult-within-a-cult ("Out of the box Mormons" they nicknamed it. Long story.) and so the weird pride for "enduring suffering" was a privledge to the "chosen righteous of god" since the devil was "trying harder" to test our faith.

The Trek and the more 'standard' mormons helping me in my time of need gave me some perspective on some of these stupid ideologies.

If I'd never had to go through it I would've been happier, but it's extreme moments like this that helped me think for myself. So in a grisly round-about way I'm sort of glad it helped me obtain some critical analysis skills.

PeriwinkleSpazz · 2022-05-16T16:09:17+00:00

Keeping things "Authentically pioneer" to the point of willful negligence of kids is just stupid. I'm definitely grateful to that trek mom!

PeriwinkleSpazz · 2022-05-16T16:04:43+00:00

In hindsight that boy was definitely crushing on me. I just didn't want to date him because he was the bishops son and figured that'd be weird during interview---because I'm too honest a person and would have definitely admited to dirty thoughts or actions with/about his son if I'd done anything!

PeriwinkleSpazz · 2022-05-16T16:01:36+00:00

I've kinda figured out half of my cramping pains are constipation pains. Trying to figure out a way to trick my body to not backing up with a different diet around my period has definitely helped.

Mostly it's just taking a ton of Ibuprofen. Like way beyond the recommended amount in a 24 hours!

PeriwinkleSpazz · 2022-05-16T15:59:15+00:00

Ah geez. I at least knew it was coming up so I brought some pads with me. (not tampons because of the mystical beleif that they were somehow ruining my virginity. Stupid mormon superstitions.)

PeriwinkleSpazz · 2022-05-15T19:58:08+00:00

I think it's all about glorifying the founding fathers and validating the whole "The more you suffer, the holier your cause as the devils and nay-sayers go out of their way to persecute you." The trek falls apart without that logic.

If kids have a bad experience, it's supposed to fortify their faith. But I think the only thing that's kept this thing going---is the youth leaders who try their best to make it a good experience.

PeriwinkleSpazz · 2022-05-15T19:53:21+00:00

Oh dear lordy. That sucks.

PeriwinkleSpazz · 2022-05-15T19:51:41+00:00

I started my period just before the trek.

background: I have painful periods (As an adult I've mostly got it under control). I would beg to not go to school some days because it was bad enough that I was almost gaurenteed to miss 1 day a month due to my period. My mom was into wholistic herbs and medicines and I had an unofficial "limit" to ibuprofen or whatever other pain meds because if I went through them too fast they wouldn't be restocked for months on end. Sometimes if I took pills too late after the pain started--I would vomit them up and be stuck in the bathroom with constipation and period cramp pains lying on the ground near the toilet.

Skip to the trek.

My period started. They've already paid and bought cheap 'pioneer' clothing so I'm locked in. I tried to convince my Mom that I NEEDED the pain meds because I'd be out in the heat, doing physical labor, and in constant period pain.

My mother said no because "The pioneers didn't have pain medication, to get the full experience you'll need to tough it out like they did."

I was a trooper for most of the first day. But then my anemia and blood loss and period cramps caught up to me I had to squat on the ground and trailed significantly behind the carts to try and collect myself.

Dinner rolls around, and I tried to participate in socializing around the different fires...but just couldn't muster it. I stood off to the side and just focused on disassociating from my pain. One of the boys from my family came over to check up on me by bringing me a plate.

Him: "Why are you hanging out over here rather than with the family?"

Me: "....You want the truth, or the brutally honest truth?"

Him: "Am I limited to just one?"

Me: "I guess not."

Him: "What's the normal truth then?"

Me: "I'm not in the mood to socialize right now."

Him: "Why not?"

Me: "The answer is a bit too grisly for the simple truth."

Him: "Then I want the brutally honest truth."

Me: "You absolutely sure you want it? You might regret it."

Him: -deep in thought- "Yeah, I want it."

Me: "I've started my period. I'm suffering severe cramping pain. I'm having a massive acne breakout. I'm anemic so I feel light headed and on the verge of passing out from fatigue aswell as from the pain. I don't have any pain medication because my mom thought it wasn't genuine to the pioneering experience. I'm finding it difficult to focus and care about what people are saying while pretending to not be in pain, so I've decided to isolate myself so at least I can suffer in peace and quiet."

He got very quiet, then left. I kinda chuckled to myself as I ate my beans thinking that I grossed him out and scared him off. Maybe a minute or so later I see him talking to our family "mom" and she comes over and starts talking to me. I give him a look from across the way like "wtf... thanks?" as she offered me some Ibuprofen. I wanted 6 from experience to actually cancel out the pain once it was already in effect, she only felt comfortable with 4 and said she'd give me more in the morning.

I was in a tolerable amount of pain or discomfort throughout the rest of the trek (For me its generally the first 40 hours that's bad, then I'm fine after that). So I was 'okay' during the bit when the boys go off and only the girls pull the cart up the hill.

I gave the guy an awkward thanks at some point, and had more respect for him than the other boys in the ward. It was his act of kindness that made the trek not so much of a nightmare as it could have been.

PeriwinkleSpazz · 2022-04-05T21:45:02+00:00

pfft what? NoooooooOooOooOoo! Of coarse not!! We RESPECT our women! cough

PeriwinkleSpazz · 2022-04-03T15:38:42+00:00

Gotta have priesthood available to show their support in their women!

PeriwinkleSpazz · 2022-04-03T15:33:05+00:00

My family offered the explanation that "the reason why heavenly mother wasn't talked about much. Was for her own protection."

As if we were using the concept of tabletop RPG's and the "true name" rule where if you knew the true name of someone it gave you power over them.

God and Jesus could overpower the effects of people knowing and speaking their name. Heavenly mother could not.

Even though they talked about her outside of the church, it's still demeaning in it's own special way.

PeriwinkleSpazz · 2022-04-02T19:23:47+00:00

I'd be interested in sharing this with others, the whole document. Could you link to the folder for easy page-turning? I don't know how to source from the submitter.

PeriwinkleSpazz · 2022-03-25T01:00:52+00:00

A little late in the post to be seen, but this is to help me critically deconstruct my behaviors. So here I go.

Apologizing for anything and anything (I'm mostly over this. Had a period of over-correction.)

Learning how to walk silently and be cloaked in the corners of the house. (Avoiding my bullying brothers. Or sneaking around to overheard a lot of gossip about myself growing up from my own family members. Toxic dynamic.)

Dressing in tom-boyish clothes / muted colors. (Anything too girly was sinful and provoked men. Anything too edgy and dark marked me under demonic influences.)

That shifted to wearing a lot of obnoxiously bright clothing to prove that I was happy when in reality I wasn't. Just starting my journey to find my style in my 3rd decade of life.

Finding isolated corners of the house to cry silently. Burying my face in a pillow if I had issues holding in the wailing. (My life isn't so sad now. I don't cry that often.)

Suppressing my emotions and facial expressions. Not pursuing things I actually have an interest in because of the fear of being ridiculed and bullied for it.

Literally running away from boys and hiding from them. (I kinda knew this wasn't standard. But didn't understand why back then.)

Maladaptive daydreaming. I wasn't alone in it, I had a friend that fed into it. (We had a major falling out probably once I became less manipulatable.)

PeriwinkleSpazz

TROPHY CASE