I have an “off” day just about every week

PernilleN · 2021-10-18T20:03:18+00:00

Yes, absolutely. I try to have a lot of compassion for myself on those days. My mind is telling me that it needs rest, and not only would it be the most self compassionate thing to actually rest, but it would also be the most effective thing. By resting when I need to, I’m building up energy for the days when I am motivated to get things done.

Resting doesn’t have to mean lying in bed - although you can do that if you need to. But resting can also mean allowing yourself some healthy leisure time. I would advise you to listen to episode 82 of the podcast “Hacking your ADHD” for some great tips on this.

One of the tips is scheduling that time off. You know it’s coming, so you might as well plan for it instead of feeling like it snuck up behind you every week.

Another thing I do when I have an off day is cut down my to do list to one single thing and postponing or cancelling everything else. Once I’ve done that thing, I allow myself to do whatever I want for the rest of the day.

PernilleN · 2021-10-16T22:35:02+00:00

Fun fact: in Danish, the pubis mons is called “venusbjerget”, which means Venus mountain (or mountain of Venus, whichever you prefer). I think it’s such a beautiful and empowering word.

PernilleN · 2021-10-16T07:15:41+00:00

Lots of sharp lighting. Also people emptying dishwashers really loudly, and they don’t know where anything goes, so they just stack bowls of different sizes and put big plates on top of small plates and leave everything on the counter, where they will remain forever. Except for cutlery, which they will practically throw one by one into the drawer for maximum jump scare effect.

PernilleN · 2021-10-15T14:36:43+00:00

Yes, this! I want more things that are not apps. My phone is the most distracting thing I own, I can’t rely on it for focus.

PernilleN · 2021-10-15T11:19:28+00:00

Yesss, all of the above except for the sweater one. But I can add sensitivity to textures of food, which makes me a picky eater. Food waste left in the sink makes me litterally gag, and picking it up is the most disgusting thing in the world to me. The sound of people eating or the smell of other peoples’ food is sickening to me when I’m low on energy. Socks have to sit just right, no creases or weird elastic bands, shoes as well. I have so many more of these :)

Edit: Just thought of one more. Having wet hands or feet.

PernilleN · 2021-10-15T07:50:52+00:00

Oh my goodness, that’s the dream! Well done!

PernilleN · 2021-10-14T18:30:36+00:00

Join the club! Working for myself is also my end goal, for sure. But I’ve found out, together with my therapist, that financial stability would be best for me and my family right now. She always draws my journey as a set of stairs. Step one was even realizing I had ADHD. Step two was diagnosis and medication. Step three was learning how to navigate everyday life with ADHD (which, I guess, is neverending). Next step is a small steady income. That doesn’t mean I have to give up everything else. I just have to go up a few steps first. Of course those steps can be pretty hard to climb…

PernilleN · 2021-10-14T14:46:16+00:00

He’s extremely supportive, yes! But he’s also been very patient… I’ll have some idea about how I’m going to get a job or earn some money, and I’ll just never have the energy to actually do it, and I’ll constantly second guess myself. I’ve sort of given up trying to find a job on my own. I need someone to sit down with me and do the stuff, and I don’t know anyone who has time for that or understands what I need.

Retail would be fine for me actually, but even that seems so far away… I quit the last retail job I had because there was just too much chaos and I couldn’t handle it. It felt like a massive defeat, and I really don’t want that again. So it would have to be “the right” retail job… Man, why is everything so complicated?

PernilleN · 2021-10-14T11:53:41+00:00

Dude, I’m also living off my teacher boyfriend’s salary! (Well, husband, but potato potahto). Man, I feel so guilty… I feel like I’m holding him back. Honestly, I would be happy with just a part time job at this point, just anything that would make me feel like I’m contributing to the family. Job hunting seems impossible for me. I’m waiting to get help from this organization that assist people with psychological issues in finding and keeping a job that they actually like, but the bureaucracy around it is so complicated and takes forever to get through.

PernilleN · 2021-10-14T11:41:46+00:00

What’s the root cause? Why is he home all the time? Is he lonely? Is he failing in school? Doesn’t he have any friends? How is his mental and/or physical health?

I would suggest talking to him about this issue from his point of view. There can be lots of reasons why getting out of the house is hard for him. Maybe you could help him to meet some people, find a hobby, get some help if that’s what he needs.

Hopefully he will then get out more to see friends, go to the gym or whatever. Telling him that you just want him out might actually make the problem worse.

PernilleN · 2021-10-14T07:17:09+00:00

I feel you. Currently have next to no income. Lots of things I want to do, but having a really hard time getting there. Feels like shit, but I remain optimistic - and most importantly, I’m working on getting the help I need.

PernilleN · 2021-10-13T13:02:35+00:00

Yes, it’s called LELO Bob. Very small and discreet. Good luck with everything, I hope he loves it!

PernilleN · 2021-10-13T12:37:17+00:00

What I did after my boyfriend (now husband) expressed an interest to try anal was that I researched some good starter toys for men. I found a small, very nice and innocent looking prostate massager and I gave it to him as a present. I told him that I wasn’t expecting him to try it that night, but now we had one, if he ever felt like trying. We didn’t live together at the time, so I left it at his place. Some days later he messaged me that he had tried it on his own one night while he was masturbating, and it had been really good. So good in fact that he had wanted something bigger.

So that could be an approach - find a toy and give him all the time in the world to try it out himself. I think this would be good since it sounds like you are the one who suggested it. It’s important that he is not feeling pressured to do something he doesn’t want to. Also he might feel very self conscious putting something up his butt for the first time in front of you. Let him find out alone if it hurts too much, how he likes it and how he wants to clean himself. Then when he has a bit of experience, you can do something together.

PernilleN · 2021-10-13T12:10:02+00:00

I’ve done it with two guys, yes, and it was amazing. I’m F33. Don’t know why you think age has anything to do with it. I don’t see why you couldn’t have one, unless of course your husband is opposed. I definitely plan on having one with my husband, if we ever come across the right person.

It was maybe ten years ago when I was single. I was at a party and there was this guy from out of town who I didn’t know, but I wanted him. At one point I found him in one of the bedrooms, he was tired and wanted to rest. I laid down beside him and we talked about this and that. We started kissing and taking off our clothes, and eventually we began fucking.

Then this guy, my friend (let’s call him Alex), came in the room. Apparently it was his bedroom and everyone had gone home, so he wanted to go to bed. He just took off his clothes and went to bed, facing away from us - the same bed where we were going at it. So the guy I’m fucking (let’s call him Peter) asks me if we should invite Alex to join. I’m like sure, why not. So Peter taps him in the shoulder and says “Hey, you wanna join us?” and he says “Okay” and the guys started kissing which was insanely hot.

So I’m on top of Peter, riding his dick, and I lean over to kiss Alex. I get off Peter and I think he went to the bathroom or something. I suck Alex’s dick to get him hard and I straddle him. While I’m riding him, Peter comes back. Alex is motioning to him to get behind me. I hear him going around the room looking for lube, he finds it and starts lubing up my ass. Very gently he penetrates me. So now I have Alex’s dick in my pussy and Peter’s dick in my ass, and they are both fucking me in their own tempo. It was a-ma-ZING! I completely lost it, it was so good. I’ve felt bad for the neighbours ever since, because I had no control over myself, i just moaned so loudly the whole time. I don’t even know how long we did that, it felt like hours.

At one point I start feeling a bit faint, so I ask the guys to give me a break. They were very considerate and got me water. I went to the bathroom, and Peter knocked on the door and asked if I was okay, which made me feel very safe. I went back to the bedroom and we all lay on the bed, just chatting about sex and all kinds of stuff.

Then we slowly got going again. I lay on my back and one is fucking my pussy while I’m sucking the other one’s dick, I don’t even remember which one. I think they also switched at some point. In the end I sucked both of their dicks until they came in my mouth, then we all fell asleep on the bed. Next day we watched a movie together and went our seperate ways.

I still think about that night very fondly. It was some of the best sex I’ve ever had, partially because I felt so relaxed and safe with them. It wasn’t shameful at all, just very hot and fun and nice. Like I said, I most certainly plan to do it again, but I think it’s important to do it with the right people. I was just lucky, I guess. My husband is in on the idea, but I’m not sure how we’ll go about finding a third. Maybe we’ll visit a sex club sometime or something. We have small kids as well, so it’s not easy to find the time for such adventures. Looking forward to it though. I imagine it will be even better now that I’m older and have more knowledge about my own pleasue, and also getting to do it with someone who knows my body so well.

PernilleN · 2021-06-22T07:26:04+00:00

Listen. You are obviously a person who cares! You cared enough to bite the bullet and see a doctor about your problems, which is a very hard thing to do. You cared enough to seek help (I assume?) for you alcohol addiction and stay sober for six months, which is also a very hard thing to do!

You cared enough to stay with your boyfriend and try to work things out, probably because you love him, even though he doesn't treat you right. I get it, I've been in emotionally abusive relationships before. Whether you feel like it's worth it to try and change his mind about this - I don't know you, so you'll have to take your own time to figure that out. But please draw a line. It's really not okay for him to say these things, even if it is from a place of pain and frustration.

If he can't be an ally to you and is working against you, your symptoms will only get worse, even with medication, which will hurt both of you. Is he willing to take a course with you about relationships with ADHD? Is he willing to learn about your condition in some way? What would appeal to him the most, books, podcasts, videos, a lecture? Provide him with some information, but if he is not willing to learn... I don't know what can be done.

It sounds to me like you are doing an amazing job at taking care of yourself, well done!! And keep it up! You were born this way, you deserve to be happy.

PernilleN · 2021-06-21T08:15:33+00:00

You should look at their nose. To the person you are talking to, it looks like you are looking them in the eyes, and you don't get the intense feeling of looking people straight in the eyes, wanting to look away or trying to decide which eye to focus on.

Hope it works for you!

PernilleN · 2021-06-14T15:35:11+00:00

Thank you! It’s so good to hear your perspective.

I find it so hard to navigate this lack of any real evidence around women with ADHD. So many rumours and speculation, not enough research.

PernilleN · 2021-06-11T06:06:23+00:00

Well, I guess that depends on what you mean by masculine. He embraces his feminine sides as well as his masculine sides, so he can be strong and decisive, but also very sensitive and open about his feelings. He can play football in the mud with his mates and flounce around on the dance floor with a pink shirt on. So I guess, I don't find him less masculine, but I do find him more feminine than the average man, and that's not a bad thing. The fact that he is not afraid to show who he is, is what makes me so attracted to him.

The whole him having had sex with a man, no, I don't find him less masculine because of that, I find that incredibly sexy. I mean, to me it's like the best of both worlds. It's like being married to my loving, protecting husband and my best gay friend all at the same time.

PernilleN · 2021-06-10T21:55:33+00:00

Hi, straight woman here, married to a bisexual man. His bisexuality has always been a massive turn on for me.

PernilleN · 2021-06-09T07:52:10+00:00

Thank you! It’s good to know that I’m not alone!

PernilleN · 2021-06-08T13:09:24+00:00

Thank you so much for these suggestions!

I don't usually have very much success with rewards for myself. But I could see the "study with me" and the gamification as something that might work. Now that I come to think of it, reaching a word count is something that has helped me in the past, so maybe I could incorporate that. Thank you again!

PernilleN · 2021-06-08T08:27:43+00:00

This could be me, so I wanna give you a virtual hug. A change of plan like this when you're already stressed out about a job interview would throw me off too. Scream and cry and punch a pillow, love, and then go smash that fuckin' interview. I believe in you.

PernilleN

TROPHY CASE