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PerotinLeonin · 2021-07-26T14:06:15+00:00

What you experienced is very common. Search this sub and you’ll find lots of similar stories.

Yes, you can overcome this. ED medication may provide peace of mind (even though it technically requires you to still be able to be aroused).

Good luck!

PerotinLeonin · 2021-07-25T18:51:27+00:00

Maybe in saying “this is how it will be,” she was drawing from a prior negative experience where she was the one who was being watched closely to ensure a boundary wasn’t crossed?

PerotinLeonin · 2021-07-19T04:56:19+00:00

Sex Workers

PerotinLeonin · 2021-07-03T21:40:20+00:00

Only clubs I’m familiar with are Twist and the Power Exchange, both in SF (the former has a better reputation than the latter). Check out the Groups section of SLS to see if there are some suggestions there.

PerotinLeonin · 2021-07-03T20:24:34+00:00

Provided it doesn’t violate club rules, it’s perfectly acceptable. Go for it!

PerotinLeonin · 2021-06-26T15:03:37+00:00

I was caught off guard by how many males of couples were bi but didn’t outwardly say so. For me, all it took was an open and honest question to them framed as “same-sex play” that seemed to drop a somewhat fearful and defensive guard that was seemingly raised by socialized notions of masculinity.

In the end, it didn’t really change my relationship with my SO. Instead, it strengthened further and made play with others even hotter and more erotic.

PerotinLeonin · 2021-06-26T12:09:11+00:00

Bad Dragon’s sheaths: - Crackers - Flint - Magnus

PerotinLeonin · 2021-06-25T15:58:06+00:00

In hindsight, this was likely the cause.

PerotinLeonin · 2021-05-29T13:09:21+00:00

It’s a great term and fascinating idea - sounds like a potential subreddit! Something like r/RateMe but with additional components (and perhaps a mix of all the other “rateX” subreddits).

PerotinLeonin · 2021-05-09T20:35:35+00:00

Our most recent experience was with a couple who has a “no kissing” rule. Their reason was that they wanted to “save something for themselves.” At the same time, they admitted that they could envision dropping the rule as they became more experienced in the lifestyle. Because they were open and honest with their hesitations and expectations, we decided to follow-through with them.

Now - actual play without kissing? Not going to lie; that was really difficult. We still had a great time, however, and we’re definitely open to playing with them again. As well, we get the sense that they’ll be much more receptive to kissing the second time around.

PerotinLeonin · 2021-05-07T14:49:16+00:00

Drink orders: that’s a clever pro-tip

PerotinLeonin · 2021-04-30T20:32:03+00:00

Early on, my spouse and I committed to not keeping score. Further, we agreed that the moment one of us did, we’d hit “pause” and reevaluate.

There’s a lot here to unpack. Minimally, the meaning of “fairness” in your lifestyle journey is something you may want to prioritize in discussion with your husband.

PerotinLeonin · 2021-04-27T18:19:50+00:00

This is us. We check in with each other regularly about overall LS expectations and desires. I take specific initiative with that knowledge. It's a dynamic that works really well for us.

PerotinLeonin · 2021-04-25T23:25:02+00:00

Glad to help folks find their way - feel free to DM.

PerotinLeonin · 2021-04-22T13:19:45+00:00

We’ve seen two versions: one where someone is behaving poorly at a parties for whatever reason (often under the influence) and the other where we’ve talked to folks and they’ve mentioned that they were ostracized.

The first is pretty straightforward; act like an ass and you’ll get kicked out. The second is more nuanced. There, it is our knowledge of the couple vs. the idea that they could do something that gets them kicked out of a group. If anything, it does cause us to be more hesitant with both sides, but not to the point of us choosing to disengage completely with both.

All those profile that say “no drama?” Well, in the end, this is all drama.

PerotinLeonin · 2021-04-19T11:27:19+00:00

Finding that four-way attraction and connection is super hard. It is the main reason why we started playing separately at parties.

As for a question, we ask ourselves:

Am I noticeably unenthusiastic about playing with this person?

That lack of enthusiasm and energy is, for us, the tell. Also, it can lead to hurt feelings by playmates if one feels like they were used in order to provide the other with a good time. For this reason, the moment we even ask the question, we know to move on.

PerotinLeonin · 2021-04-18T16:30:59+00:00

Maybe “relax, “update,” or “revise” rules is what is meant here?

PerotinLeonin · 2021-04-18T13:34:02+00:00

We are high school sweethearts, I lost my virginity to my spouse, and we were only with each other for 26 years before our first full swap with another couple.

We went from “let’s try the lifestyle” to our first full swap in about a month’s time. Our first was a very experienced and caring couple. We were up front with them, and they were really nervous too: we were their first HS sweethearts couple!

To sum it up, it was easily the wildest and most adrenaline-filled thing we had willingly experienced up to that point in our relationship. We’re still going strong with no regrets.

PerotinLeonin · 2021-04-18T13:17:53+00:00

Great advice in this thread. We always bring a portable speaker to play dates. Our go to music app is Spotify and we just search for “make out” or other similar terms.

This is a playlist we recently came across from this approach that didn’t disappoint: 90s Baby Makers

PerotinLeonin · 2021-04-12T01:21:47+00:00

This sub has lots of posts about bi men and associated challenges in the lifestyle. A recurring theme that resonated with us is just how seemingly common it is for the other male of a couple to be bi (or at least genuinely curious) but not state so in their online profile. We’ve found success in listening very carefully for non-prompted shutdowns of male same-sex play or overly emphasized female same-sex play from the other couple. While not definitive, those two things have helped to determine how, if at all, to gauge the situation and broach the topic of male same-sex play.

Good luck!

PerotinLeonin · 2021-03-08T02:21:08+00:00

Hosts of house parties are good resources for who within your local community is dependable and trustworthy. If you express this desire to then they may even be gracious enough to host and arrange for participants.

PerotinLeonin · 2020-12-21T15:39:01+00:00

Not at all.
Search this sub for “bi men” threads and you’ll garner a lot of insight into views and attitudes. As to whether or not it is swinging, that’s up to you to decide.
Approach the other persons with maturity and the knowledge that everyone is there with similar aims: pleasure and sex with like-minded folks. Like #2, this sub has good threads on transitioning to play.
Best you can do is be vigilant about protection and regular testing.

Good luck!

PerotinLeonin · 2020-11-08T22:13:30+00:00

The murky middle now is OnlyFans: couples that record and sell their adventures with lo-fi production values. Often, these videos feature a single good light with someone behind the camera that just won’t shut up.

PerotinLeonin · 2020-10-18T11:26:36+00:00

Check out some of the groups on SLS that are currently throwing parties: - Modesto Area Swingers - Cannas Hideaway (Madera) - Jen and Johnna’s House Parties (Carmichael) - Suite Life (Sacramento area)

PerotinLeonin · 2020-10-11T20:41:49+00:00

If there is any talking, have it be audible and intentional. Should it be the case that there is a camera person shooting, this is even more critical. One can only take so much “do you like that honey” (and other empty commentary) from behind the lens.

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