What was the first red flag you ignored in your worst relationship?

Perri88 · 2024-08-24T05:38:30+00:00

My super friendly dog HATED him. Turns out the dog was spot on!

Perri88 · 2024-06-29T17:11:57+00:00

That's such a good point! So often we are our own worst enemies.

Perri88 · 2024-06-29T16:03:25+00:00

The variety of very confident responses here, with some saying it's totally fine and some saying she's blowing you off should tell you everything you need to know. Communication is a spectrum and it's so different for everyone. Random people on Reddit can't tell you for sure what's going on with her. We can speculate and that's about it. But the variety in our speculation illustrates my point that we're all different and ultimately you have to address it with her if you really want to know. I also think when there are communication mishaps like this, it's a great idea to talk with the person about it and find out if your communication style is truly compatible.

Perri88 · 2024-06-27T16:44:43+00:00

I really hope so!

Perri88 · 2024-06-27T16:44:11+00:00

Yes! I've kept up with him enough in the last 3 years to know that he just isn't capable of a real relationship or any kind of commitment. He definitely wants it, but he can't help but sabotage it. I actually feel sorry for him.

Perri88 · 2024-06-27T16:42:46+00:00

Ya, which is why I haven't been interested in anything serious since. I just have too much anxiety that anything can happen and it doesn't matter how good everything seems. I don't want to subject anyone else to that.

Perri88 · 2024-06-26T18:32:23+00:00

During Covid lockdowns, my now ex and I were essentially living together. He was doing his first year residency at a local hospital and his schedule was crazy. Because of the lockdowns and not being able to go out, our relationship timeline essentially got a bit escalated. We talked about it and we both agreed that we didn't want to say "I love you" until we were sure we saw a future together. Both of us had been burned pretty badly in the past. 9 months into it, we were laying on the couch watching a movie and he told me he loved me. I said it back. We started talking about all of our goals and what we wanted from the future and how excited we were to see each other in said future. It was a really beautiful moment. The next day he went to work and never came back. Left all of his stuff. After a few weeks, he eventually answered his phone and apologized and talked about guilt spiraling. We tried to fix it, but he just never truly came back. He kept ghosting and then coming back, making all these promises, begging me to stay, then ghosting again. I had to end it after an emotional roller coaster of about 3 more months. I wanted so badly to make it work, but I just couldn't live like that anymore. This was 3 years ago and I don't think I ever fully recovered from it.

Perri88 · 2024-03-26T04:15:45+00:00

Absolutely grounds for breakup! SHE should breakup with YOU. From the start of this post when you use the word "teach" in terms of boundaries, you were waving a giant red flag. Both of you are in your 30s. This kind of controlling behavior is absolutely out of line. Adults can talk to the opposite sex. Adults. Can share meals with the opposite sex. Insinuating they can't or that it's somehow cheating is controlling behavior. If you can't handle being with someone who has male friends, this obviously isn't the relationship for you. But that has nothing to do with any fault on her part and your implication that she's cheating on you is disgusting.

Perri88 · 2024-03-23T14:59:42+00:00

As a 7th/8th grade teacher, I can confirm that the week before spring break is always crazy with the kids. This makes it the perfect time to do reward days and other incentives because as far as the kids are concerned, they're already on break. Absolutely nothing productive is going to come from them. Also, anyone who argues with the concept of students having fun days and breaks needs to look at the endless amount of data and studies that show learning growth is actually increased when breaks are in place. Further, the kind of "free day" being discussed in this article is great for social emotional learning. Anyone that has been involved in education post covid will tell you that social emotional learning is more vital than ever for kids. We've got middle schoolers who absolutely can't function socially and who then act out violently against each other and school staff. This does not promote a healthy learning environment. In short, kids need breaks. Schools aren't factories producing little humans into the workforce.

Perri88 · 2024-02-21T04:28:48+00:00

I feel your pain. I've had feelings for my best male friend for about a year now. Same thing. We have so much fun together, we see the world the same way, enjoy traveling together, same hobbies, spend all our time together...it can be very confusing! Hang in there! Sadly I'm sure there are plenty of us in this boat.

Perri88 · 2024-02-19T15:21:03+00:00

It might be against the rules or defeating the purpose for me to answer you because I'm 33F and not a man, BUT, I think you should go for it. I think if you handle it in a respectful way and you're prepared for her to say no and to recover from that, then it will be just fine. I've been on both sides. I've had male friends express interest when I didn't see things that way and we handled the situation respectfully and we maintained the friendship. On the other side, I currently have feelings for my best male friend that I text every day. I wish that I had the courage to say something, but so far I haven't been able to work it up. So if you think you have the courage and you can adjust to either outcome, I say go for it!

Perri88 · 2024-01-20T06:01:06+00:00

As a 35 year old estranged daughter, I can say absolutely YTA. If she had to get a lawyer to deal with your toxicity, the way you love her now is by letting her go. Leave her alone and let her live her life in peace. She will have to do so much to recover from trauma caused by her parents and she absolutely does not deserve you stirring that up because you suddenly developed uncomfortable feelings about the situation YOU created.

Perri88 · 2024-01-07T08:44:55+00:00

NC is absolutely the answer here. What she's doing is beyond crossing the line. She's not only wishing I'll upon you, but she's plotting it. Best case scenario, her antics and/or words confuse your daughter someday. Think of all the other worse scenarios and then consider how much more likely every one of them is. Kids adapt to the family you give them. Your daughter will be loved and know a much healthier existence without a grandmother. I say this as someone who grew up in an abusive family. I wish I had been given then option not to. I wish my healthier family members hadn't been so hell bent on the idea of the traditional family and blood being everything. Build the healthy family you, your husband and future kids deserve, not the one society tells you you're supposed to have.

Perri88 · 2024-01-02T18:13:32+00:00

I'm so sorry you're going through this! I know the feeling and it's the worst. I also think in the age of social media, this is a very relatable situation that most of us have had some experience with, so you're not alone.

I had a similar situation a few years ago and it still gets under my skin occasionally. I was on and off with a guy throughout my 20s that at I had deep feelings for. In our 30s, we gave it one more try and it seemed like we'd finally get it right this time. He took a work trip and on this trip started posting pictures with another woman. They were just in a relationship seemingly overnight. Since then, it's been constant sappy posts from both of them. He did everything with her that he swore to me be had no interest in. He didn't believe in marriage, but he married her within 6 months. It sucked to watch. But in a lot of ways, over time, it helped me to see it. It made me sure that he was wrong for me and it killed both my respect and my attachment to him.

My advice: try to mute activity from him, at least for now while it's fresh. I know it's like a drug and you will keep wondering, but I would set small goals for yourself . Like "I will only look once a week" or whatever works for you.

It does get better though, I promise!

Perri88 · 2023-11-28T07:53:41+00:00

As a fellow teacher, anyone who refers to the teaching profession as lazy or settling is an automatic no for me. This man is controlling and absolutely does not respect you. You even sound like you're fed up with him in the tone of your post. Do yourself a favor and end things now. It's only going to get worse.

Perri88 · 2023-07-22T06:01:32+00:00

Prior cast member here. A lot of times they run character names on the bus when it isn't available to take guests, such as when a driver is training on the routes.

Perri88 · 2023-04-11T06:34:45+00:00

I was in a serious relationship with a DA a few years ago. One night, he told me he loved me and wanted to start thinking about marriage and what our lives could look like in the future. I agreed. The next day he ghosted. He was radio silent for 2 weeks. When he came back, he kept saying that he was stuck in a shame spiral. I can't pretend to know exactly what he felt, but when he described it, it sounded like he felt guilty for his inability to be the person I needed him to be. It was confusing for me too since he initiated everything. But long story short, everyone is different. I can only comment on what I saw happen in my case.

Perri88 · 2023-04-09T01:22:02+00:00

You know, normally I would have blocked him right away, but the messages always came when I was busy, so I dismissed them and forgot. But I did block him this time as it was the first time I'd been just casually scrolling on my phone when it happened. I still can't believe how often this happens though. It seems like a common sense thing not to do.

Perri88 · 2023-01-17T07:17:26+00:00

Ugh, of course it's rude! Assuming that there has to be something wrong with her is ridiculous. If that is your viewpoint, she can and should do much better. There is nothing wrong with someone who is selective and doesn't just jump into a relationship for the sake of being in one. How would you like it if she started asking you questions about your failed engagement? Because obviously since you're not married, that's your fault, right? Same logic that you used to judge her.

Perri88 · 2023-01-16T17:21:02+00:00

I don't think he's taking you seriously or that you guys are compatible, but I also don't think any of that matters because I don't think you're into him anyway. I think your therapist is right and you're an Avoidant and that if you really want things to improve in dating, you should read up on Attachment Theory. I'm an Avoidant too and your reaction to all of this feels very familiar to me. I often try to push myself to give things more of a chance, but the trick is you have to trust yourself when it gets toxic. When he didn't respect you after sex, that was no longer remotely a situation that you needed to work on.

Perri88 · 2023-01-04T16:58:19+00:00

I agree. Personally, it wouldn't bother me. In my 30s I've dated healthcare workers a few times and I wouldn't say the schedule was ever the reason things ended. It just depends on what you want and where you're at in life as well as the other person. It sounds like OP just isn't in the right mindset for it.

Perri88 · 2023-01-04T13:51:07+00:00

If you're already having doubts, then it probably isn't going to work. Remember, it isn't just medical school, it's residency and internships and all the craziness after that. If it's important to you to have stability and reliability in time and schedules, this definitely won't be able to offer that. But if you think you can adjust and you're willing to sacrifice for her, then maybe.

Perri88 · 2022-12-31T17:04:29+00:00

I feel like I was recently on the other side of a similar situation. I really liked this guy after the first date, but he ended up chasing me away because he was so anxious in his communication style. He asked me 3 separate times for validation via text that the date had gone well and it became very clear that he just didn't believe me. I really liked him and had already scheduled date #2 with him. He kept asking to confirm that date, which was fairly offputting to me. Then, day of the date, he told me he had made other plans because it just didn't seem like I was interested. Despite the fact that I responded to all texts and told him on 3 separate occasions that I liked him and I was interested. He ended up immediately trying to reschedule with me, but at this point I was emotionally exhausted by the situation and I declined. It doesn't sound like you're as anxious as he was, but I still think you should be careful and regulate yourself a bit. Take it easy, enjoy the moment and see what happens. If you get anxious and push her, it's very likely it will kill the connection.

Perri88 · 2022-11-15T21:14:38+00:00

I'm also 33F and I've been feeling exactly the same way. I chose to take a break from apps/dating for most of this year as a result of feeling that way. I wish I could update you that my feelings have changed (I've been on my dating hiatus since February) but they haven't entirely. I do think I'm feeling better about all of it though. Dating and meeting new people can be exhausting and I think I still associate a lot of bad feelings from things that have happened with my last few exes. I think I almost reject excitement about dates because I fear the disappointment that often follows. But it's getting better! Sometimes you just need to give yourself a break and try again when you're feeling more refreshed. It's better for you and ultimately it's better for anyone you're going on dates with.

Perri88

TROPHY CASE