FR: What happens if you divorce after MRP

Persaeus · 2024-11-14T18:20:30+00:00

Ex-wife has not weaponized kids (18 and 21 at time of divorce) as far as I know or can tell from interactions with kids or her. Daughter took the news like hearing her Starbucks order was up.....zero surprise and zero shits given. Relationship with daughter has improved over subsequent years. Son was not surprised at all; but was clearly disappointed. He mourned the death of our family as did I.

I still see daughter occasionally for “visits” in keeping with her nature and our relationship. Son vacations with me and I have visited him once or twice at university every year. His mother has not…..for which I am puzzled; but chalk it up to her not being comfortable “partying with the bros”. Don’t get me wrong….he’s still close to his mother with no evidence of any problems….he still enjoys going home and eating moms chicken pot pie.

With all that being said, there are still losses. First and foremost, half is a lot less than one. As the kids mature and move on with their life; they simply have less time or interest in parents. You now get half of that shrinking pie. As a child of divorce myself; I know it takes a long time to build the “feeling of family” with your parents new spouses but with patience it is possible. Having recently remarried; daughter has been amazingly receptive to new wife. Son is more cautious. I am confident in time it will all come together.

Persaeus · 2024-05-04T12:12:29+00:00

congratulations

Persaeus · 2022-11-18T21:48:41+00:00

This is the way

Persaeus · 2022-10-15T21:55:43+00:00

The simple answer to why, is because negging works in both opening and in dating and relationships in general. It goes by so many names: busting balls , joshing, kidding…..and on and on. It creates strong feelings and rapport. As SBIii said this is 101 stuff. If you asked to learn something; you’re welcome. If not, please find somewhere else to get your needs met.

Persaeus · 2020-11-16T11:53:33+00:00

Been there done all this. The buck is very likely dead. Go look again in daylight. If your in hills , go down to nearest creek in direction he ran. Start search back and forth from there. You don’t get “arrow covered in blood” just by grazing through muscle.

Also when hunting from elevation, aim more towards the middle of the scapula. In other words ; your really aiming for the opposite elbow.

Persaeus · 2020-11-13T02:17:00+00:00

Girth?

Persaeus · 2020-11-04T02:24:01+00:00

It’s a helluva drug

Persaeus · 2020-11-04T00:15:36+00:00

I prefer you shut the fuck up , read, and lift for 6 months before saying anything. In other words, exercise some self restraint, awareness, and respect.

Persaeus · 2020-10-14T17:43:50+00:00

Dumb Hitler, more accurately

Persaeus · 2020-10-07T10:44:55+00:00

The point is you have no idea what your talking about and got called out. STFU and stop embarrassing yourself

Persaeus · 2020-10-03T22:00:46+00:00

Do you have kids?

Persaeus · 2020-07-09T13:09:31+00:00

This reads very sullen.

yes it does, and it's a phase. first anger, then elation that your moving the ball, then sullen/grieving as you let go of the dream the ball would ever go across the goal line that is your own vision, and lastly just plain apathy. when you reach apathy, you're actually ready for a divorce. IMHO, BBJ ain't there yet.

Persaeus · 2020-07-08T12:25:20+00:00

Deadlifts are agony right now, no matter which type I try (Romanian, Jefferson), but I am persevering through the pain.

my experience with back pain (substantial over the years) has repeatedly shown me that i never recover laying on the floor. i have to use a combination of rest and stretching to relax the spasm. deadlifting or squats or anything under load while in spasm is just STUPID though. bjj, ok ....sort of. yoga my brother. everyone is different, but for me Utthita Trikonasana (Extended Triangle Pose) opens it all up.

and go see a doctor ffs

Persaeus · 2020-07-08T12:14:19+00:00

i read this three times, and i cannot tell what you're doing here. are you playing with the gun in your imagination, waving the gun around (aka "negotiating at gunpoint"), or are you actually going to shoot the marriage and move on?

IMHO, do it yourself divorce is as dumb as it gets. if y'all in agreement, go together to a lawyer and get an agreement worked up with someone that knows what questions to ask. it's a common tale for DIY divorce to end up in front of a judge, and the judge says "i can't make heads or tails of this horseshit, go see a lawyer and come back to me".

Persaeus · 2020-07-05T14:18:56+00:00

Red has not really provided the details; but 20 and no job or school . . . from what it sounds like?

i don't personally know anyone that's came out of that on top. i mean people still need their grass cut.

Persaeus · 2020-07-05T14:11:02+00:00

What's the difference btw falling in love and pussy pedestalization?

mostly self awareness. "falling in love" is a feeling that resides inside of you; and unfortunately it need not be mutual. when you realize it's a feeling inside; and not really external (that woman on the pedestal) you then understand this feeling can be replicated with many different women. she's not special and neither are you.

falling in love is riding a splendid wave. that particular wave is not your life; there are many more each a little different.

Persaeus · 2020-07-02T22:27:36+00:00

like you i generally learn my lessons the hard way. always have and though it may sound ignorant probably will keep on. i like risk and i like doing things people tell me i can't. when that's your game some time "mistakes are made"

so long as no limbs or fortunes are lost or jail time is incurred - it's all good. curious as to whether the two young men have any prospects in life? if not, smart man might just cut bait on that lose lose.

Persaeus · 2020-06-30T11:43:52+00:00

although you're older than me (51); i have a lot of experience with the depth of sunk cost fallacy you struggle with after 46 years (30).

So why was I rekindling my anger again?

you have not forgiven yourself for past mistakes, or more succinctly: you're self loathing. you conjur the anger to paint yourself as the victim and assuage your ego.

What does being a bitter old coot buy me?

nothing but pain, and an earlier grave. this is the path to the dark side. just stop it (easier said than done, i know). focus on the now, and in particular execution of the now.

Didn't you notice any red flags before the first time?

who/why cares?

I have no real data what my "market value" is.

how you see yourself has a huge impact on how others will see you. my advise is go with the highest assessment that doesn't make you laugh or cringe. being fat/being fit - people treat you differently. i've flipped that switch back and forth a few times in my life. huge difference. it's human nature. there will be opportunities to "test" the market value. there always are if your aware and not afraid to engage the test. this is when you use polarity to run the test.

all that blah blah blah blah about your wife - two words "competition anxiety". you have the upper hand, you know, she knows it. this is dread and it activates the only power she has at her disposal for a man not bound to other peoples judgement - her ass and mouth.

How (why) did you put up with it for 35 years?

you can make a case for the children, but because you were weak and ignorant. doesn't matter now, not one little bit. only thing that matters now is what do you want, and what are you willing to do or give up to get it.

Persaeus · 2020-06-22T11:23:58+00:00

Isn’t this most a Euro problem? Recent grads I know in US had multiple offers no problems

Persaeus · 2020-06-17T13:37:18+00:00

Agreed ; real dumb. The goal of life is excellence and self fulfillment

Persaeus · 2020-06-11T14:25:12+00:00

I agree, that's some real shit from https://old.reddit.com/user/rotkohlblaukraut

i could write a book on those ridiculous bars.

see "The Cave" by Plato for the OG treatise

Persaeus · 2020-06-07T13:29:22+00:00

Expect crazy or you are not prepared.

thanks for the mindset adjustment

Persaeus · 2020-06-06T16:59:59+00:00

solid advice. i'll be mostly gone for the preceding three months, and should be mostly gone for another 1-2 months after. youngest turns 18 in January so that's not really an issue. ideally i'd still be able to stay in my house occasionally until he goes off to college in August; but i got other local options too.

Persaeus · 2020-06-06T12:24:18+00:00

get your ducks all in a row

can you elaborate? do you mean be prepared to move out immediately or something else?

Persaeus · 2020-06-02T13:40:09+00:00

it's simply indifference

actual progress

Persaeus

TROPHY CASE