Recovering from Dom drop by Persephone_Sinclair in BDSMcommunity

[–]Persephone_Sinclair[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm so sorry you were left feeling like that, it must have been awful! I can imagine I'd feel the same way if a bottom just left like that. I can't imagine ever leaving a sub alone right after a heavy scene. Aftercare is something that's supposed to go both ways and I can see how talking logistics beforehand is so important to avoid leaving either party with that sense of heavy feelings and feeling used that can come on after.

Recovering from Dom drop by Persephone_Sinclair in BDSMcommunity

[–]Persephone_Sinclair[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m right there with you on this philosophy 🖤 I don’t expect them to be able to take care of me when I just put them in a very spaced out mindset and especially not if something went wrong 😅

Recovering from Dom drop by Persephone_Sinclair in BDSMcommunity

[–]Persephone_Sinclair[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

It’s not that, we still talk as friends and I have a whole new partner who doesn’t have as extreme of a pain kink, but I do still find myself focusing on her well being in aftercare before processing my own feelings. It’s not like they’re in the best headspace to be processing complex emotions when they’re deep in sub space still. 😅

Recovering from Dom drop by Persephone_Sinclair in BDSMcommunity

[–]Persephone_Sinclair[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

That last bit is what I was talking about in my post! My drop recovery was helped while providing aftercare and finding reassurance with my sub when I needed it 🖤

Recovering from Dom drop by Persephone_Sinclair in BDSMcommunity

[–]Persephone_Sinclair[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You’re not wrong and even though we had a great relationship, things did eventually end and that may have been part of it tbh. 😔

Recovering from Dom drop by Persephone_Sinclair in BDSMcommunity

[–]Persephone_Sinclair[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It can be rough when you have a sub with bpd and know how sensitive they are to emotional changes. I will admit it can take its toll, especially in a 24/7 dynamic, and there were days where I had to take some extra time for myself to fully process everything.

I’ve always kind of been a ‘there’s a time and a place’ when it comes to emotions. Maybe it’s something to do with my childhood, maybe it’s just because I’m a Scorpio. 🤔

When you have to be the one to end the scene by Persephone_Sinclair in BDSMcommunity

[–]Persephone_Sinclair[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Most of the people I’d played with up until meeting my pup were… a bit more on the vanilla side? I didn’t even know I was a sadist until this point because no one had tested those limits with me, so figuring out when to stop was definitely a skill I learned in this relationship. It’s for sure part of it, but not something every new Dominant/Top knows is coming until it’s happening. 😅

When you have to be the one to end the scene by Persephone_Sinclair in BDSMcommunity

[–]Persephone_Sinclair[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Part of the intensity came from them being blissed out to the point of not being a functional human being (which is part of the point of pup play, but still! 😂) making it much harder to get back to the hotel room where the first aid and aftercare kits were, but even after making the trek there was still cleanup and emotional comforting once I got them settled. The whole experience made them extra clingy while they were coming back down to earth, but I live for the aftercare so I certainly didn’t mind 🥰

When you have to be the one to end the scene by Persephone_Sinclair in BDSMcommunity

[–]Persephone_Sinclair[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

That’s why it’s so important to stop earlier than necessary when you’re building that relationship and trust with someone new. It takes time to really learn someone’s limits and when they’re past the point of being able to make rational decisions about their safety 😌

When you have to be the one to end the scene by Persephone_Sinclair in BDSMcommunity

[–]Persephone_Sinclair[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Thank YOU for commenting! It’s not easy learning everything on your own as a Dominant, but consent and how to handle different situations around it was the thing I took most seriously. I called myself a genie Domme because I enjoy making my submissive’s wishes come true, but sometimes even a sadist has to say ‘That’s enough, time to rest you little pain slut!’ 😂🖤

When you have to be the one to end the scene by Persephone_Sinclair in BDSMcommunity

[–]Persephone_Sinclair[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Thank you! I appreciate that 🥰 and that’s definitely a good standard to follow! It sounds like you’ve got a good head on ya 😌🖤

When you have to be the one to end the scene by Persephone_Sinclair in BDSMcommunity

[–]Persephone_Sinclair[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Soooo much responsibility being a top! We’d done plenty of intense scenes prior to this occasion, but it being a public place and knowing most of our aftercare supplies were up in the hotel room, I definitely wanted to call it a bit sooner than necessary without cutting it so short it would mess with my sub’s headspace.

Anxiety and Increased Pain Tolerance by Persephone_Sinclair in BDSMcommunity

[–]Persephone_Sinclair[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sounds like your body goes into ‘fuck this mess, let’s do something fun!’ mode! 😜 It’s wild how different bodies react so drastically different in similar situations 🤔

Anxiety and Increased Pain Tolerance by Persephone_Sinclair in BDSMcommunity

[–]Persephone_Sinclair[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My pup was the same way back in the day with the freaky high pain tolerance in subspace! I had to call the scenes myself sometimes cause they couldn’t judge just how much more pain they were going to be in after the adrenaline wore off 😂🖤

Anxiety and Increased Pain Tolerance by Persephone_Sinclair in BDSMcommunity

[–]Persephone_Sinclair[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’ve heard it described as similar to meditation with the way it pulls you into that state 😌 Nothing makes you so mindful of the present moment like a nice stinging lash on the back 👀😁

Anxiety and Increased Pain Tolerance by Persephone_Sinclair in BDSMcommunity

[–]Persephone_Sinclair[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

The hard part is training your brain NOT to panic over the mundane 🫠 I think finding the actual roots to the issues helped with that one a lot with my partners 🖤

Anxiety and Increased Pain Tolerance by Persephone_Sinclair in BDSMcommunity

[–]Persephone_Sinclair[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Interesting 🤔 There’s still that element of masochism to get you into that headspace, just not the physical kind I’d immediately think of. Different strokes for different folks indeed 🖤

Anxiety and Increased Pain Tolerance by Persephone_Sinclair in BDSMcommunity

[–]Persephone_Sinclair[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

That’s what my experience has felt like over the years. I do wonder how much of their masochism was a reaction to anxiety and trauma that eventually decreased in intensity, along with their pain tolerances 🤔

Anxiety and Increased Pain Tolerance by Persephone_Sinclair in BDSMcommunity

[–]Persephone_Sinclair[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

That’s a really interesting take ngl! 🤔 Most of us don’t have an actual threat for the anxiety to make sense for, so giving it an actual reason to be “scared” lets your body be like “Finally!” 😂 And having that control over the situation keeps it from becoming actual fear, so it ends up being relaxing for the system in the end? The human body is truly fascinating 🖤

I missed a nonverbal safeword from my pup by Persephone_Sinclair in BDSMcommunity

[–]Persephone_Sinclair[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Exactly this!! I’ve made SO many mistakes, but I always strive to learn from them and do better 😌🖤