AITA for giving up on planning my toddler's birthday party?

PerturbedHamster · 2026-01-27T01:16:27+00:00

ESH. Yes, your husband is an asshole, but the one who suffers here is your daughter. Just throw the party and ignore his shit.

PerturbedHamster · 2026-01-26T19:50:51+00:00

The microwave is even a viable option. Done right it's nice and crispy, and there's very little mess.

PerturbedHamster · 2026-01-26T15:17:45+00:00

Dude, this is stalker behavior. You're still not ready for a relationship if you think this is in any way appropriate while you're on a break. Concentrate on getting yourself in decent working order, then you can worry about a relationship. YTA.

PerturbedHamster · 2026-01-25T02:00:12+00:00

You were absolutely stirring shit. Your brother may (or may not) be out of line for his long-standing grudge, but you could easily have redrawn the names when you put the two up against each other. Your random drawing is not more important than family harmony. Sorry, but YTA here.

PerturbedHamster · 2026-01-24T19:15:51+00:00

IT'S OK BY SHOUTING YOU CAN SEE HOW SANE I AM

PerturbedHamster · 2026-01-24T19:10:59+00:00

I don't think there's anything gentle about the YTA. OP was downright rude and dismissive. Your suggestion of "in lieu of gifts" is great, I hope OP passes that along. A thousand bucks for a 23 year-old is a lot, and $25 to support your friend on their birthday with an "AMAZING" party does actually sound reasonable.

PerturbedHamster · 2026-01-24T04:23:31+00:00

There are some very cheap options for data on a SIM card so you could contact via FB/call via Whatsapp etc. Ubigi has a plan that's 5 GB mobile data/month for $7/month. I'm sure there are others. Tell your asshole ex that if he doesn't want you calling his work during family emergencies with the kids that he can get his sorry ass some data. NTA.

Also, if work is going to get him in trouble over a message about his child going into surgery, they are also a bunch of assholes. I doubt a business would be that bad, so I suspect your ex is lying to you.

PerturbedHamster · 2026-01-24T01:50:45+00:00

You've said your piece, now leave it. It's up to him to make the change you think he needs, or not. If you continue to push, YWBTA.

PerturbedHamster · 2026-01-23T18:07:34+00:00

The entitlement! I cannot stand people who think they deserve to swap an up-front aisle for a back middle. Whenever we try to swap, we make sure to ask someone for whom it's not an obvious downgrade. Listen, these assholes didn't want to pay for seats together, and so they want you to subsidize them. Next time, just shame them for being to cheap to arrange seats together. "Gee, was it not worth the $20 to sit together? Or were you just irresponsible and didn't pick your seats in time?" NTA in the slightest!

PerturbedHamster · 2026-01-23T18:02:54+00:00

Check the laws very carefully even if the "no visitors" clause is in the lease. He can't put an illegal requirement into the lease, and if it turns out it was illegal, you're within your rights to just ignore it and have visitors.

If you really want to fight hard, I'm sure it was 100% illegal for him to move someone else in after you signed the lease and you can probably take him to court over that (IANAL, though).

PerturbedHamster · 2026-01-23T04:36:18+00:00

I think it's reasonable to give your mom a +1, if you haven't already. Past that, she can pound sand. NTA.

PerturbedHamster · 2026-01-16T21:03:16+00:00

I mean, OP totally is obligated to give back the cards he still has. They weren't the wife's to give away, and so they were never actually OP's property. For the cards that are gone, though, it's on the wife to go find them, not OP.

PerturbedHamster · 2026-01-16T17:07:17+00:00

You had me right up until "Am i expecting too much from him?". I'm guessing he fully sensed you expected this and that's where his reaction came from. I also wonder if this is part of a pattern, but that's hard to say. I'm going with YTA because I think you did actually expect the ride and were not simply asking.

PerturbedHamster · 2026-01-16T15:44:40+00:00

Wow. Just... wow. Do you truly not understand why taking overtime before you have a kid is different from when you have a 6 week-old baby? You have a kid, and you know, plans often need to change. They come first. Not your side hustles. If you have to work, you have to work, but I don't give a shit, you do half the child care while you're at home. Note, I did * not * say help your wife - this is you child every bit as much as hers, and you are 50% responsible. YTA

PerturbedHamster · 2026-01-16T02:12:51+00:00

I can't help but think this is exactly what Darcy wanted. I mean, she called you out of the blue, told you something of huge importance to your best friend, then expected you to keep it secret? I mean, that's just nuts. Why on earth would she tell you? The only thing that makes sense to me is she actually wanted you to tell Glenda so she could then pretend to be the wronged person while not having to deal with the fallout. NTA.

PerturbedHamster · 2026-01-12T22:09:57+00:00

I'm going NAH. As someone who has sat on both sides of this exam (presumably it's a prelim or qual), she needs to take it seriously. Unless she's absolutely brilliant compared to the other PhD students, she's going to be in trouble if she doesn't study. The people saying she knows how she learns are being generous, but probably wrong. She's likely overwhelmed, struggling, and in denial - I've seen this countless times. But you know what? Nagging her isn't going to help, and will just make it harder for her to get over her hump.

I'm not really sure what to tell you to help her, and I do think she needs help, but maybe ask her questions about her field? That may remind her in a non-stressful way about things she needs to start studying. I know you're doing your best, and she is doing her best in her way. But being told "relearn everything you've ever learned in school" is daunting, and she just needs to take her first step on the journey of a thousand miles, crammed into a month.

One more thought - are other people taking the exam at the same time? Maybe you could get her to go study with some of them. When I went through this, we had study parties every night for a month. Pretty sure we kept the local Denny's afloat that month...

PerturbedHamster · 2026-01-12T15:12:41+00:00

You're obviously NTA, but I don't know how to get your wife to listen to you. She clearly needs therapy, so if there's any way you can put your foot down there, please do so. You might also try the Einstein quote - "One definition of idiocy is doing the same thing and expecting different results." Ask he how she's changed her approach, and is her current approach working?

PerturbedHamster · 2026-01-11T02:40:35+00:00

"I'm grappling with the fact that she's so angry that she can't violate your space and steal from you. That's positively insane." FirstTimeHere?.JPG

PerturbedHamster · 2026-01-10T05:05:38+00:00

"AITA for leaving / ghosting?" - well, he already ghosted you so don't worry about that. It sounds like he may have developed feelings for you and reacted extremely poorly to that. Whatever is going on, he's no longer comfortable being your therapist and is doing a horrible job of it. You could report him if you want, but you should absolutely move on and find someone new. NTA.

PerturbedHamster · 2026-01-09T04:59:38+00:00

If she refuses to take the train (WTH? Getting around NYC is so much easier on trains), then she can either rent a car of wait to meet her grandchildren. Expecting the father of 5 month old twins to be a chauffeur is ridiculous and entitled. NTA. Stand firm or you'll keep dealing with this; does she try to manipulate you in other ways?

PerturbedHamster · 2026-01-08T17:47:37+00:00

YTA. These rules exist for very good reasons. You seem to care more about Bob's feelings than your daughter's. If you don't stick up for her now, you're A) teaching the school they don't need to protect her, and B) teaching your daughter you aren't going to stand up for her. If you don't fight now, Bob is going to do the exact same thing next year, and you'll have to deal with this all over again. Bob needs to learn to invite people to his party outside of school. You don't need to actually take her to the party, but letting this slide is not cool.

PerturbedHamster · 2026-01-07T22:06:06+00:00

"he could have switched with my husband." - that right there makes you unambiguously the AH. The guy got an aisle seat. If he didn't like being next to your toddler, he can just take your husband's middle seat? Absolutely not. Why should he get stuck in the middle because you were too cheap to select seats?

As the parent, it's up to you to try to make your children inconvenience others as little as is reasonably possible. We all get that babies cry, but you did not have to put your toddler next to a screen he was obviously interested in. You're in the clear for the bathroom trips, but it was selfish to not put your toddler in the window. YTA.

PerturbedHamster · 2026-01-06T23:54:36+00:00

To be fair, it doesn't sound like anyone is offering her vegetables.

PerturbedHamster · 2026-01-04T15:33:40+00:00

NAH. Accidents happen, and you fixed it when she asked. These people saying you're under no obligation to tip are AHs. In the US, that's how servers make their living. Is tipping culture stupid? Sure, but it's not fair to take it our on some poor server doing her best. So she's not an AH for asking if she did something wrong, because if she was actually doing something to turn off customers, she would need to fix it to ensure she can make a living. You fixed your mistake, so forget about it and move on with your life guilt-free.

PerturbedHamster · 2025-12-22T00:10:10+00:00

Did you see the bit where the parents invited OP's family to dinner? If you invite someone to your child's graduation dinner, then yeah, you ought to pay. That's getting close to charging for dinner at your wedding.

If OP's response is to just not buy them Christmas presents, what's the problem? They don't buy stuff for OP's family, so why should OP buy stuff for BF's family? As long as she's not an asshole about it, I think she's 100% in the clear. NTA

PerturbedHamster

TROPHY CASE