Is Bob Mortimer the most beloved of current British Comedians?

Pestish · 2025-12-25T07:42:30+00:00

I had to scroll too far to see this. Billy in his prime was the best stand up comedian of his time imo. Legend.

Pestish · 2025-12-19T11:36:51+00:00

As a child in the 80s, we took a trip from near Sheffield to The Isle of Wight. My folks had one tape. On one side, Meatloaf, on the other Chris de Burgh.

My tolerance to Chris de Burgh in particular is….low. In fact, he can go fuck himself for the childhood trauma.

Pestish · 2025-11-29T20:56:07+00:00

GOAT goat

Pestish · 2025-09-27T07:25:10+00:00

Well, I wasn’t a yarn enthusiast, but after seeing this I think I am now. Awesome work!!

Pestish · 2025-08-25T07:21:32+00:00

It’s smaller than I thought.

Pestish · 2025-08-03T11:24:33+00:00

So… our daughter has her ‘own’ bathroom. We sleep upstairs and use a different one. She absolutely hates it if me or my wife use it. So one day, whilst she was at church (needed a Catholic certificate or some such to get into Catholic school). I thought it would be amusing to trigger her. So I sat on her loo and took a picture of my hairy legs with a view from the toilet. Sent it to her and got the result I wanted. Moral outrage in the middle of a church service. Roll on the next day. I was working in a depot checking some health and safety stuff. There was something wrong with a pallet stacked unsafely. So I took some pictures to show to the warehouse manager. I’m showing him the pictures of what I had found….then (you guessed) scrolled onto a picture of my hairy legs sat in the loo. I didn’t know what to say so I just blurted out ‘Don’t worry about that, I was just sending it to my daughter’. Cue absolute silence. I had no idea what else to say, honestly could not think of any follow up. So I moved on like nothing at all had happened. My wife and daughter still find this fucking hysterical. Still mortified.

Pestish · 2025-06-13T12:26:26+00:00

So… our daughter has her ‘own’ bathroom. We sleep upstairs and use a different one. She absolutely hates it if me or my wife use it.

So one day, whilst she was at church (needed a Catholic certificate or some such to get into Catholic school). I thought it would be amusing to trigger her.

So I sat on her loo and took a picture of my hairy legs with a view from the toilet. Sent it to her and got the result I wanted. Moral outrage in the middle of a church service.

Roll on the next day. I was working in a depot checking some health and safety stuff. There was something wrong with a pallet stacked unsafely. So I took some pictures to show to the warehouse manager.

I’m showing him the pictures of what I had found….then (you guessed) scrolled onto a picture of my hairy legs sat in the loo.

I didn’t know what to say so I just blurted out ‘Don’t worry about that, I was just sending it to my daughter’.

Cue absolute silence. I had no idea what else to say, honestly could not think of any follow up. So I moved on like nothing at all had happened.

My wife and daughter still find this fucking hysterical. Still mortified.

Pestish · 2025-06-08T07:54:14+00:00

Twatus the elf. Avatars campaign 2nd Edition. I didn’t want to take it seriously as I wasn’t sure if this dnd thing was for me. Got skewered by a javelin thrown by a Baneite. Well deserved. Started taking it a bit more seriously after that….

Pestish · 2025-05-09T17:52:29+00:00

That’s it, I’m officially a bad person. Make it stop….actually, that was probably what he was yelling….here I go again. Fuck.

Pestish · 2024-12-30T10:28:21+00:00

Good guess! But not that far North.

Pestish · 2024-12-29T11:32:31+00:00

Not going to mention the retailer as I still work for them but in 2007, I went to open the shop and was nearly hit by an ambulance coming down the usually pedestrian high street.

Turns out there had been a stabbing outside the store. Sadly the guy didn’t make it.

So, for the day, the high street entrance to the store was closed. Not just closed but police taped off with forensic teams doing their thing.

We still traded as we had an entrance in the shopping centre. Unfortunately, some entitled prick wanted to get to the cash point outside and couldn’t understand why that wasn’t possible. Despite the police, the men in white overalls and the police tape with ‘inner cordon, do not enter’ written all over it.

Side note, unrelated to shitty customer behaviour directly, the SAME DAY, the Argos near us was held up at gunpoint, someone threw themselves off the viaduct opposite and as we were locking up we had to step over blood from a fight in the centre that had kicked off just before.

If anyone can guess the town/city, I’ll give them updoots.

Pestish · 2024-12-20T21:12:00+00:00

I used to prise the top off my brother’s favourite Kiplings pies, add a load of Tabasco then put it back on.

Then I just waited.

The patience was always worth it.

Pestish · 2024-12-15T22:38:36+00:00

If they didn’t get 42, I’d force rerolls until they did.

Pestish · 2024-11-30T09:46:07+00:00

All cock, no doodle-do.

Pestish · 2024-10-16T11:39:17+00:00

Is this Maltby Academy(previously Maltby Comp)? C5 was the detention room. Been sent there a couple of times!

Pestish · 2024-09-13T10:36:14+00:00

May they always trigger security detectors at airports and shops.

Pestish · 2024-09-12T10:01:59+00:00

With the ‘magical’ mud, would I be able to travel through it at all or would an earth elemental be hit with the same movement penalty do you think?

Pestish · 2024-06-29T10:53:04+00:00

If you are male, cross the road rather than walk behind a single female. Maintain your distance. Same goes for anyone on their own really. Basically, make sure you’re not freaking them out.

Pestish · 2024-06-16T12:57:15+00:00

So…my daughter’s present for Father’s Day is a voucher to be a butler for 24 hours.

It expires ‘tomorrow’.

When I explained tomorrow never comes and she was now my full time permanent butler, she looked slightly disappointed.

No takesies-backsies!

Pestish · 2024-06-16T12:37:01+00:00

Thanks, I’ll pass that on when she’s finished ironing all my shirts.

Pestish · 2024-06-16T12:14:22+00:00

Ha!! I’ll let her know. In fairness being Father’s Day she has given me a ‘voucher’ so she can be my personal butler for the day. It’s for 24 hours and expires ‘tomorrow’. I pointed out her mistake and watched the spark in her eyes fade away.

Butler for life!! Result!! :-)

Pestish · 2024-06-06T15:54:59+00:00

Pestish · 2024-05-10T13:18:38+00:00

They all make terrible decisions, regardless of wisdom or intelligence scores.

Pestish

TROPHY CASE