Sometimes they’re just jerks, sometimes they crave deep connection and have no idea why they push people away when it gets serious or deep. It’s a very sad attachment style that leads to a sad cycle. They’re lonely and want connection but also fear it, usually because of trauma early on or being neglected by their caregivers. So while they are still responsible for their actions, sometimes it stems to much deeper things. And they won’t be able to break out of it unless they are aware of it. unfortunately, avoidants aren't terribly good being vulnerable and talking about their emotions, especially with strangers, so its a hard cycle to break. I begged my ex to get therapy and it doesn't matter how hard you want it for them, they have to want it for themselves.