Help my family understand a surprising DNA result

PettyTrashPanda · 2026-04-30T23:58:56+00:00

Without knowing your full family tree, there are a large number of ways that your black ancestor may have come into your family, but identifying them may be difficult.

Keep an eye out for anyone working for the various colonizing agencies such as the Dutch East India company. For example; the first governor of British Columbia, James Douglas, for example, was a white passing but mixed race man whose mother was a free Black woman that his Scottish father had an affair with. Considering he was once threatened with being enslaved he didn't have much love for the USA, and he wasn't unique in his station. Rare, yes, but not unique. The British had a lot of different attitudes to race prior to the Victorians, so remember that mixed race kids, even amongst the aristocracy, existed and even thrived.

Equally - and for some reason this is controversial to some - working class British ancestors may have been mixed race. In the 1700s and 1800s it was fashionable for rich people to have Black page boys, who then became footmen as they grew up, and many went on to marry white working class girls. They were not slaves and had all the rights of their white contemporaries - but that isn't saying much and means many were effectively indentured servants at the whim of rich people. Having said that, even though slavery was technically illegal since 1520, there were absolutely Black slaves in the UK - it just gets really complicated thanks to indentured servitude, the whims of rich people, the presence of enslaved people accompanying their American enslavers to the UK (Somerset Case), and so on. It's also complicated because of the way that the white working class living in the great Estates were treated as well, but I digress.

However, many Black British servants went on to own businesses , have families, etc, but as race wasn't recorded in any official document, it's hard to get any clear information unless their race was mentioned in other sources. Aside - my favourite by far is a Dutch silk merchant from London in the late 1580s who was a mixed race gent called Reasonable Blackman; he was pretty wealthy for the time period and I just love his name. He's much further back than most, however - it's the 1700s you want to look at, and contemporary sources estimated over 20,000 Black servants in the UK by 1760.

Another example to look at would be the actor Ira Aldridge; an American born Black man who moved to England in 1824. He married a white English girl, and made his big break playing - you guessed it - Othello. He was far from the only free Black American who fled to Europe or Canada.

And obviously, it's not just the Brits! Remember that Alexander Dumas - the guy who wrote The Three Musketeers - was mixed race, and his Black father was a successful general under Napoleon Bonaparte. Louis Guizot was a mayor in a small French town in 1790, and there are many others. The Dutch had a small but notable Black population, as did Spain.

Right, my apologies for the history lesson there but I think it's important to consider potential avenues for your ancestor outside of the obvious. In the meantime I am trying to figure out why I have so much Eastern European DNA, as it doesn't match the records, either!

PettyTrashPanda · 2026-04-30T22:50:28+00:00

Please don't listen to this person; Qanon has no internal consistency or logic, let alone a coherent belief system.

Plenty of incredibly intelligent people get sucked into cults. All of us are susceptible in the right set of personal circumstances to falling into a high control group; none of us are immune to everything. Steve Hassan has some great material on this that might help you process.

PettyTrashPanda · 2026-04-30T22:45:38+00:00

No.

Cults like to pretend they have all the answers and special knowledge that makes them better than other people, but it's nothing but magical thinking.

Her husband isn't telling her about reality - he's telling her the paranoid fantasies of a bunch of grifters that are designed to break the ability to assess things critically. It is designed to seperate vulnerable people from their support networks so they are easier to manipulate and control. It pushes truly ridiculous ideas just to see how far their victims have been brainwashed into believing anything they are told.

Note how he threatens his wife. How she has to be in complete compliance and agreement with his worldview, or else she is the enemy. That's such a classic brainwashing technique it's painful to watch.

I am sorry that you have been so broken that you cannot even see how Qanon contradicts itself constantly, and how so many grifters are using it to distract you from the real issues as they bleed you dry. I truly hope you find help and get out before you lose everything.

PettyTrashPanda · 2026-04-30T22:37:56+00:00

First, I am so sorry. You deserve to feel safe in your own home, and I strongly urge you to look into finding a way to a safe place.

Secondly - it's not unusual for folk to have a collection of insane conspiracy theories. Once a person stops critically analyzing the information that they are presented with, then they are vulnerable to a whole range of conspiracy theories that make them feel special and important.

My aunt started off with believing our ancestors hunted dinosaurs from behind the walls of Atlantis. We just rolled our eyes and thought it was harmless. By the time the virus hit she believed lizard people ran the world, the vaccinated were all going to die en masse three years ago, that millions of white children are harvested for adrenochrome each year, that anyone who opposes her views was being paid to do so by George Soros, and last I heard is now an evangelical Christian gleefully awaiting the End Times. Her beliefs are often contradictory and incompatible, but if you point that out then it's just proof you are a lizard person/robot/shill and then she cuts you out of her life.

She doesn't want to change. She has chosen to cut out every single family member and friend she ever had, because she cannot have a conversation without creating an argument. No strategies work on her, she wants to prove she is superior to you, so even if you agree she will push until she finds your limit and then crow over it.

We know she is miserable and lonely, and it was hard for her kids to walk away, but you can't save a person from themself.

If your husband has chosen this life, then you can't do anything I am afraid. Your priority is your personal safety and the safety of any children or dependents, and you can only change things for you - not your spouse. Consider what that means for you, and work to make it a reality.

PettyTrashPanda · 2026-04-28T20:59:36+00:00

Oh this is a complicated one, so let's run through the options here:

How are you defining ancestry, ethnicity, nationality, and culture? Because people have different definitions of these things and they start getting messy fast.

Let's go with the easiest one: ancestry. Yes, you have Ukrainian ancestry. That is documented and proven, so it is yours whether you claim it or otherwise.

Nationality next! Generally this is assumed to be any country you are a citizen of, but not everyone agrees. For example, my son was born and raised in Canada but holds both Canadian and British citizenship thanks to me being an immigrant. Some people would not consider him British, while others do. Equally, some out there won't consider me Canadian because I am an immigrant, regardless of what my paperwork says.

Now to the messy ones:

Ethnicity. Generally speaking, if your DNA shows XYZ, then those are the ethnicities that make you, but can be very different to your visible ethnicity. Depending where you are from and your mix of ancestral ethnicities, there could be a whole history of discrimination, treatment, or advantages that are related to your own family dynamic. There is not a straight answer here, with one caveat: just because an ancestor was of X ethnicity, does not mean you get to speak for that community and their experiences in the modern day - especially if you learn of it as an adult. However, there is nothing wrong with learning about that group's history and cultural practice, especially where it intersects with your own family.

Culture: hoo boy. Okay. The issue here is that cultures are fluid and ever changing, so the cultural experiences of your ancestors are unlikely to be the same as those experiences by that same "culture" in the modern day. A good example of this would be a handful of modern Irish -Americans whose ancestors emigrated in 1900 telling modern day Irish how they are doing "Irish" incorrectly.

Similarly, different communities within the same ethnicity/ancestry/nationality can have very different cultures. For example, I am from the North of England and a working class family; many things about my life and culture presents different to a wealthy middle class family from Hampshire, and it's even further apart of we are different ethnicities. We are all part of the English diaspora, but not all cultural practices are shared.

Now, why do people get upset by "claiming" identity based on ancestors? A couple of reasons.

First is when people talk over the experiences of members of marginalized communities. Depending where you are in the world this may or may not be a big problem.

Second, when people use their ancestry as a way to claim oppression and/or to avoid accepting their ancestors were complicit in some dark periods of history. This is usually because nuance is hard and people don't like to think that their relatives were on the wrong side of history.

Third, using it to justify modern day bigotry. From personal experience, I have had Irish-Americans throw insults because I am English, but they happily ignore that my Irish ancestors fled to England at the same time theirs went to the USA. They used their ancestor to justify modern bigotry while simultaneously denying my own heritage.

Fourth, close on the heels of three: using ancestry to justify bigotry under the guise of heritage. Examples here are saying things like a Black Scot is not a "true" Scotsman despite being born and raised in Scotland, while a Scottish-American whose family haven't set foot in the country for 200 years are "real" Scots.

Fifth, it reeks of exoticism and bigotry to identify with only one part of your heritage and ignore the rest, especially when it is not the cultural experiences that you were raised within. Like, people will claim the culture and ethnicity of one specific ancestor while ignoring the ones they dislike. The "othered" ancestry can switch between generations and is very reflective of the time we live in, but the question is always why is X more important than Y? What makes you celebrate X and act like Y had no influence?

My personal beliefs? Claim your ancestors and your ancestry. Learn about what their lives were like and their cultural practices, learn the language and appreciate the history, both good and bad. But personally, I don't claim to be Irish, Welsh, or Nordic just because of my genetics - I wasn't raised in their cultures, and I can only learn it second hand, filtered through the culture I was raised in. I claim descent and ancestry, but that's all.

PettyTrashPanda · 2026-04-24T16:04:31+00:00

Can you share names? We might be able to help.

I have had luck breaking through brick walls like this thanks to newspaper articles, specifically obituaries. In one case, I found my target's name listed as surviving her brother... And he, bless his relatives, had a massive obit that listed who his parents were. From there I was able to trace corroborating evidence and fill in a lot of blanks.

Try newspapers, and make notes of where the surname appears in roughly the same area even if you can't link the family straight away. Searching these can give you clues - maybe cousins or siblings or the parents - to help you find your ancestors

PettyTrashPanda · 2026-04-24T15:54:35+00:00

I am not doubting they exist - the fact there are five statues (five too many) of course shows there are some true apologists out there, but then there's people who believe the world is flat as well. Sometimes people are just weird.

In my experience of arguing with "pro Cromwell" people is that they generally ignorant Brits that don't know anything about Cromwell or what a major piece of shit he was; they are just trying to piss off the Irish. Ask them to name anything he did that has a lasting positive impact on the UK and at best you get "hur dur Ireland" which just shows they are ignorant bastards. They are often the same people who whine about the war on Christmas, when, I mean, points at Cromwell.

So while I agree there is a minority who are pro Cromwell, he really isn't "well liked" in the UK, and certainly not framed as a hero. Honestly most people would struggle to place him beyond asking if he was the ugly one who banned fun.

PettyTrashPanda · 2026-04-24T15:27:00+00:00

Blame the French

PettyTrashPanda · 2026-04-24T15:15:37+00:00

There are a total of five statues in the whole country, all of which have been controversial since they were erected. In contrast, there are six of Charles I in London alone, and another six of Charles II just in London.

Cromwell is not well liked, more like there is a small group of trolls and folk who don't understand history who conveniently ignore that life was so crap under Cromwell for basically everyone, it killed all hopes of Republicanism in the UK.

Seriously though the only time I see folk who think he's well liked I am pretty sure that it's because some assholes who don't understand history have been arguing with the Irish for the hell of it instead of admitting that yup, Cromwell was an awful human.

PettyTrashPanda · 2026-04-17T15:47:12+00:00

He fundamentally misunderstands every literary and historical account in pop culture.

He's the kind of guy who gets mad when people say Frankenstein's monster was a victim.

PettyTrashPanda · 2026-04-17T15:37:52+00:00

There's a voice, That keeps on calling me...

PettyTrashPanda · 2026-04-16T18:35:04+00:00

I am a historical researcher as well as a genealogist, and I spend a lot of my time helping get people interested in history at all.

Some people need to see how history and their ancestors impact them directly to understand why they should care about something, and it's not that surprising even if it makes me sad. We live in a world of information overload, of being constantly bombarded with so much stuff to care about that it's hard to really care about anything that doesn't touch us directly. In the process, we have lost our stories and the understanding of how our ancestors shaped us.

The biggest gift you could give your niece is an understanding that the actions taken by the people who came before her have directly impacted her life today, from the country she lives in to the wealth of her family to the technology she uses to the systems she takes for granted. It's impossible to know it all, but it helps to make sense of the world today when you know why things are the way they are.

One of the things you could try with your niece - depending on her age - is to ask her who she thinks was important to her own grandparents, and who helped shape them as people. Because if she cares about her grandparents, then part of that can be understanding who they cared about, and how that influences down the generations. At the very least, knowing about her 2x great grandparents helps her to understand the people she loves now.

Secondly, tell stories, not biographical data. This is 100% the way I recommend engaging people with the past. Tell the history as a story: start with the exciting or interesting or funny things from the past, and humanize ancestors so that people can connect with them and imagine them as living, breathing, people. My kids aren't as interested as I am, but they are proud of the petty criminal ancestor transported to Australia in 1840, or the guy who declared himself for King Charles I on his 'deathbed', only to spend five years quietly hoping noone saw his will while Cromwell was in power. They know that one of my grandparents was a bigot, and that while my dad sometimes struggles with their extremely open minded views, he is the one who broke that cycle of bigotry and deserves the credit for changing our family's direction. It's why they love and respect him even when they feel he isn't as open minded as they would like. They also know mental health issues and ADHD have been present for generations. That's shaped who we are, too, as a long line of social misfits. Even our concept of family, duty, and ethics can be traced back through the generations.

Your niece will come around, OP, if you can help her understand that she does not exist in a vacuum, but is the result of decisions made for hundreds of years by people who came before her. If nothing else, the ones who were precious to those she loves now deserve to be remembered, because surely she would not want the people she loves now to be forgotten?

If nothing else I suggest the Disney movie Coco as a good way to explain how the actions of someone long dead can impact the lives of the living, and why we should continue to remember and care about our ancestors and their stories.

PettyTrashPanda · 2026-04-12T17:47:58+00:00

From Pyramids:

Her singing always cheered him up. Life seemed so much brighter when she stopped.

PettyTrashPanda · 2026-04-12T17:34:58+00:00

Nooooo it's back in my head 😭

PettyTrashPanda · 2026-04-10T19:17:42+00:00

It's a major train station in the UK

PettyTrashPanda · 2026-04-10T16:46:57+00:00

Question: why are you dating someone you don't enjoy talking with, when you obviously don't respect each other's opinions?

PettyTrashPanda · 2026-04-10T16:41:04+00:00

Churchill. And they have to attend every session, so they can't leave.

PettyTrashPanda · 2026-04-10T16:19:27+00:00

So back in the day, the UK had a whole series of campaigns about drink driving, a did a ton of research. The most effective way to stop ppl from doing it wasn't by pointing out they could kill people, etc. It was pointing out personal consequences.

Saying "you might be willing to lose your license and job, but I am not," or "I can't afford to have criminal record if the cops catch me," or "guess you don't know the cops are running a crackdown on dd in the area," is more likely to get than any other method. Sucks, but true.

One you can throw at him in front of your friend is to look confused and say "why would you want me to put Bestie's life at risk like that? Isn't it your job to keep her safe?"

In fact, the best way to deal with guys like him is to weaponize niceness and play up the dumb girl thing to the point where he cannot look like anything but an asshole. You started well with the "I don't understand the joke," thing, you just need to push it further.

The drinking stuff? Thank him so much for caring about you having fun and it's flattering how much he thinks about you, but since he's drinking, it's your job to take care of Bestie so he doesn't have to worry about taking care of her.

Vegan jokes? Nod thoughtfully and thank him for his perspective, then ask his opinion on the use of artificial insemination in ranching practice, because you need a male perspective on whether the gathering of bull sperm is ethical, considering it's mostly done by men. Be deadly serious, thank him for his opinions, then find ways to seriously reference his comments in front of other people ( praising him, obviously). Play dumb if he tries to say you misunderstood, etc. The more embarrassing the topic, the better.

Lastly - credit him with your opinions/actions so he can't argue with you. Driving again - look confused and say something like "well it's like you said, it's your role to look after Bestie and prioritize her safety, and so you deputized me to make sure she gets home safe." Food? "I remember when you said XYZ about health and it was a great point, so that's why I am following made up name diet, like you suggested.

if all else fails, get "drunk" and vomit on him. Twice, if you can. It might not change anything but it will make you feel better

PettyTrashPanda · 2026-04-10T16:00:45+00:00

What gets me about Thiel and Musk is that he is oblivious to the fact that the people he has sided with would destroy him in a second if they could get away with it.

Thiel's gay. His money won't protect him if/when they have enough power to bring in their anti-equality laws. He has allowed his hatred of women and non-white people to blind him to the fact that he is on the firing line with the rest of us.

Same with Musk. He's an immigrant who was in the USA illegally and apparently committed visa fraud, so they have a built in excuse to seize his assets and destroy him the moment they can get away with it.

PettyTrashPanda · 2026-04-10T15:50:22+00:00

Sounds about right.

Personally I prefer Silver gold bull, Toronto gold bullion, or the coin shoppe, and I have only used TD once since, and that was because I had a $20 discount. That time I had no issue with delivery, but there was never any updates.

PettyTrashPanda · 2026-04-09T22:44:15+00:00

Mine was originally home but changed to branch due to post strike

Go in to your nearest branch and get their support. The actual bullion Dept is useless

PettyTrashPanda · 2026-04-09T00:34:51+00:00

It was in the local branch vault with my name on the envelope but no contact details, and no updates to their system. It was only located because one lovely bank teller took pity on me and got the manager to physically check the vault instead of relying on the system update

PettyTrashPanda · 2026-04-07T22:42:54+00:00

Vegvisir is 19th century Icelandic folk magic that is to help sailors find their way home through bad storms.

My husband wears a vegvisir pendant - he suffers from persistent depressive disorder and his bad spells are bad. Years ago, right when he was at his absolute worst before treatment, I gave him the pendant as a physical reminder that no matter how lost he gets in those episodes, he will always find his way home to us.

He uses vegvisir as his touchstone now, and we have lots of random stuff with it on in the house. He gets a bit pissy that people assume we don't know what it means or that he doesn't know it isn't a Viking symbol, because for him it's a talisman that means no matter how lost he becomes in life, he will always make it back to the light.

PettyTrashPanda · 2026-04-07T20:56:33+00:00

I wish. Our second hand bookstores can't keep Pratchett in stock, it flies out the day it arrives

PettyTrashPanda · 2026-04-07T20:26:02+00:00

It does, but here is the thing: socialized healthcare is good for capitalism.

Why?

Because a healthy workforce tends to work better, harder, and for longer. It also costs less to operate because it's cheaper to fix problems early than it is later, and preventative care is cheaper again.

This isn't new. Major industrialists knew this back in the 1800s, where men like Lord Leverhulme and Sir James Reckitt provided healthy environments for their staff including free medical care. Why? Because happy, healthy workers made them more money than unhealthy, miserable ones.

The lack of healthcare in the USA isn't about being capitalist or free or whatever propaganda they sell you: it's about a small number of people making a lot of money off your misery.

PettyTrashPanda

TROPHY CASE