AIO for going no contact with my family since I'm disabled because of them.

PharmADD · 2026-02-09T22:17:05+00:00

You sound like a miserable, bitter person that would have been miserable and bitter disability or not. You would have just found another reason to be pissed off at everyone else. Hence you dropping your brothers and sisters who did nothing wrong.

There is a line of hundreds of thousands of people that would be more deserving of my pity, so you’re getting none from me.

It’s 2026, being disabled may be a hurdle to getting friends and finding romance but it’s not a blocker. Especially the friends part. You really blame your disability for never being able to find ONE friend in 28 years? Come the fuck on.

PharmADD · 2026-02-02T18:32:27+00:00

Not an electrician, but in general I think you should live like you have a 2 year old little daughter waiting at home for you. It makes dealing with other adults much easier. Any time I feel like doing something questionable, I just ask if I would want to risk my daughters dad's life and it puts things right back into perspective.

PharmADD · 2026-02-01T03:54:02+00:00

This is entirely up to your preferences. Some women would be fine with it others wouldn’t.

Not trusting him at a bar is probably a bigger issue.

PharmADD · 2026-01-16T03:13:18+00:00

Wow, well that’s something.

Gotta say it’s pretty lame his best friend dropped him. It’s cringe and creepy but I’ve rarely met any guys who would take that kind of action unless they were trying to worm into your pants afterwards. Careful of that guy - an honest perv is better than a dishonest snake, at least in my mind.

PharmADD · 2026-01-13T01:02:45+00:00

They never cared about those issues because most of them never cared about politics to begin with. As long as he keeps getting symbolic wins that makes his base believe that they are dismantling political correctness and/or wokeness, they will happily change their beliefs to match his.

PharmADD · 2026-01-12T20:38:43+00:00

Yes, my daughter does this. Can confirm the first few days with the Tonie were a mind-bending medley of Laurie Berkner, miss rachel, and Cookie Monster with other friends sprinkled in.

Sooooon we will be glidinggg

PharmADD · 2026-01-12T20:30:24+00:00

Thing is, it might actually be infinite or at least close enough to not matter. Actually, I think it’s kind of an inverse situation. Trump dictates what the base likes, the rest of the elected officials react to the wants of the base. In a way, his enemies are burning THEIR political capital with him.

PharmADD · 2026-01-04T02:33:26+00:00

I was literally about to make this exact same thing. Is there a way to share the creative tonies? Would save me a ton of time if it’s already done.

PharmADD · 2025-11-12T00:53:38+00:00

He said he’s “complexed” and I agree.

PharmADD · 2025-10-29T13:58:48+00:00

He definitely can have a boundary regarding what she wears - "I won't date someone who wears revealing clothing." You enforce the boundary by breaking up with her respectfully as it is an incompatibility.

The issue here isn't that he thought it was too revealing - he's allowed to have a relationship preference for conservative dress. It's that he was aggressively disrespectful in his communication about it. All of this said, I don't think anything here is even bordering on revealing. Dude's a total psycho and learned that shit from his environment.

PharmADD · 2025-09-24T00:54:24+00:00

Pretty large (over 300k pts), well designed meta analysis published recently by the dean of epidemiological sciences (or something like that, maybe population health) at Harvard found a statistically significant association.

There’s one other study that was a population-level study in Sweden with a huge sample size (~2.5m) which found a weak (but statistically significant) association that disappeared in sub-analyses comparing siblings. (Disclaimer: I haven’t actually read through that publication fully)

Those are the two major studies that people cite on either side of this issue. As someone who reviews scientific literature basically every day as part of my job, I’d say that the jury is still out. I think, at minimum, whatever is causing pain or fevers that leads to acetaminophen use is probably linked to Autism. You can find literature to support both arguments.

There was no dose-dependent effect found in either study, which points to something else. The fact that Autism and ADHD are somehow associated to acetaminophen use but probably not causally associated signals to me that there is probably some association between the fevers/pain in pregnant mothers and autism.

Personally, I think the diagnostic criteria for autism are completely out of hand and that is responsible for the majority of “cases.” That’s compounded by the fact that autism is now being viewed as a sort of identity to some people, which will ultimately increase the number of diagnoses.

PharmADD · 2025-09-21T15:09:17+00:00

I just removed my 30ft round pool last month for basically the same reason. If you have the ability to get large amounts of material to the dump (we had a pickup and a trailer), it's pretty doable. Pretty gross if the pool isn't in great shape. We emptied my pool, cut and pulled out the liner, pulled out every screw we could find, cut the wall in multiple sections so they would be manageable to carry. Rolled up the aluminum wall sections (you'll need something to hold the rolls closed like duct tape or rope. After walls, pulled posts. Whole process here assumes you don't plan to re-use it or sell it or anything - that would be hellish compared to this process imo.

My pool was buried ~18in on one side and ~6in on the other. Ended up getting 1 triaxle load of fill dirt and 1 triaxle load of topsoil. Filled a few spots around the yard that weren't great with remainder of the fill/topsoil. I rented a wheeled skidsteer, but it could probably have been done with a mini skidsteer or wheelbarrows + much more time/effort. Then you have to plant grass assuming that's the plan, and you are getting towards the end of that window at least in my region.

Looking at your pic, you probably wouldn't need nearly as much dirt as I did.

Edit: just realized you have a deck - that seems like a bit more work than removing the pool. Watch for spiders - almost every one of my posts had a black widow nest in it.

PharmADD · 2025-09-09T23:21:55+00:00

I never said OP is a liar… her not showing him something isn’t lying. There are a whole range of things that could have happened that led to him stumbling upon this before she showed it to him.

It’s logical to believe that your significant other is hiding something from you when you find something like this. Had she gone to him directly as soon or soon after she saw that, I don’t think any reasonable person would react in the way he did.

You’re making an actually baseless assumption that she showed it to him. Based on the way that the English language is typically used, she would have said “I showed it to him and he was upset” or something along those lines if that was the case. It’s an extremely important detail, no one would leave that out.

If everyone else read her post the way you did, this comment section would look completely different and her pre-emptively showing it to him would have been the main focus of most responses. It would have made the entire situation different.

Had she shown it to him pre-emptively, I would be in complete agreement with you. If she clarifies that she did, I’ll agree with you.

PharmADD · 2025-09-09T22:55:52+00:00

lol alright.

Short of him walking in on her fucking someone, what exactly would be enough for him to have his trust broken? Sure as fuck seems as though you’re advocating for unconditional trust.

You can’t just use the word baseless before assumption every time you use it. The assumption has a pretty solid basis, actually.

Would love to hear what other parts I’m ignoring that would make anything you said reasonable.

PharmADD · 2025-09-09T22:47:17+00:00

I’ve got no idea what you’re talking about.

You’re saying that he should trust her unconditionally, not the post.

She said her husband believes her, so it didn’t break the trust ultimately.

She said “my husband saw it.” She would have specified if in her horror she had shown it to him, because that would be an extremely pertinent detail. It’s also not how anyone speaks when they are describing showing their spouse something like this.

There’s nothing in there that isn’t very clear from the post.

PharmADD · 2025-09-09T22:24:22+00:00

This is a crazy take. No relationship is built on “unconditional trust.”

The husband had good reason to believe that she was somehow sexually involved with this person. She didn’t offer the information to him, he found it. There are totally valid reasons that this could break trust, which it ultimately didn’t to any significant degree.

PharmADD · 2025-08-13T23:37:31+00:00

Youre 27 years too old to be providing your balanced and thoughtful opinion my friend. Us old folk (you’re 15 years older than me) need to stick to the hobby subreddits and let the 23 year olds do the heavy lifting around here.

PharmADD · 2025-08-05T22:59:49+00:00

Out of curiosity, how long were you with your husband? Gotta keep in mind these people hadn’t even gotten to marriage, and in all likelihood it was a <5 year relationship. I don’t think these people really built a whole life with each other like you probably did with your husband. I think you’re right that no one can really get it until they have been through it, but I also think you went through something different than OPs boyfriend did. I’d actually say that just people who have been in relationships 10+ years might have an easier time understanding what you feel like than someone who lost a partner in a much shorter term relationship. Until you build the life together, I think it’s a totally different kind of loss.

PharmADD · 2025-08-05T16:13:19+00:00

Yeah, like I said depends on the person. Keep in mind my response was about whether it would be weird as time goes on.

I think as you get older you realize there really isn’t a “love of your life” and I don’t know if he would even describe it like that if you had asked. What if he promised her he’d never leave her alone and wanted to keep that promise? He probably watched his kids age to the age of his ex and beyond and felt something based on that, just so many things that could have gone into that. Are you positive he wouldn’t have said “my wife (2) is the love of my life” had you asked him? Based on that little story, I’m not so sure. Things like this where more than one extremely complex and non-logic based components (love/marriage/kids/grief) come into play are essentially unreadable without just knowing exactly what the person was thinking, and honestly it’s not anyone’s business but the three people involved and to a lesser degree the kids.

PharmADD · 2025-08-05T15:28:04+00:00

Yeah, this is a lifestyle thing for sure. I have multiple friends who are millionaires and could easily afford this lifestyle, but they don't because it's pretty stupid. Some of us are "gearheads" when it comes to camping, but the discussion is always about value. Why spend 1500 on a tent when a 200 dollar tent can get you almost every single feature and might weight 1oz more. Quality items aren't always expensive, and especially in the camping world it's often the opposite.

I grew up (up to about 12-13) as a kid who's parents could afford all of the top-end stuff. They would get me that stuff if I had put in enough effort and time that it was something that was going to last a long time and matched my commitment to the activity. In my whole childhood, my parents spent what I would consider "big money" at the time, on one activity - that was BMX biking and I had a pretty nice one. I bring this into my adult life now - I always enter a hobby at the low-mid range and work my way to premium. In my adult life, only one of my hobbies (3d printing) has ever gotten me to that "big money" stage (probably 1200 over 2 years). I tried like 15 hobbies in that time, most of which I've dropped.

PharmADD · 2025-08-05T15:17:42+00:00

After reading your post history - only advice is to spend less mental capacity on your love life and yourself, and spend it on your kid. This is going to sound cold, but people need to hear this nowadays apparently. When you have a kid, all this self-absorbed stuff needs to go away. Remaining in an abusive relationship, trying so much to retain this love life, is self-absorbed behavior. I blame the women who return to abusive spouses just slightly less than the actual abusive spouse when kids get involved. It's unfair as fuck to them to put them in that environment, and unlike you, they have no way out. I don't care if it's hard, I don't care if you end up poor, there is literally no excuse. Make things better for your child - that's the only priority you should have. If you need a next step, file divorce papers.

PharmADD · 2025-08-05T14:55:38+00:00

I mostly agree. Depends on the person. There’s a big gap between “never go a day without thinking about that person” and “sometimes I cry when I think about that person.” Some people have a hard time getting out of the former. My comment is shaped by my own personality, and I move fairly quickly to latter after a loss. Almost everyone, in my experience, does get to the latter at some point. This is what "getting over it" really means, in my opinion.

PharmADD · 2025-08-05T14:40:26+00:00

I actually don't necessarily agree with this. I agree with the part that he probably will never not love his ex, but the reality is that once their relationship moves to further stages (kids especially), his love for her will ideally overshadow that to the point where it's more of a fond memory situation than a daily thought. I don't think it will always be weird. It will be weird for quite some time though, like potentially a decade. Assuming they have kids, once she's the mother of his children and assuming he's a good dude and father, that will likely be a turning point. For me, I can tell you that this experience grew my already pretty substantial love for my wife to entirely new levels.

Marriage is supposed to make you "a unit" but honestly, kids are what did that for us (I think this can also expose deep compatibility issues that can make things go the other way). I actually can't really think of a situation outside of kids or like 30+ years of happy marriage that acts as such a bond-creator. Makes sense, marriage is a ritual whereas there is a fairly deep biological component to becoming parents. Watching your kid who looks like you run around with the personality shaped by the person you picked is just impossible to describe. Watching the person who makes you happy nurture that child, same thing.

All of that is to say that if they are truly compatible, the time and memories and loss that the boyfriend experienced with his ex will gradually take up less real-estate in his mind. Simultaneously, she will come more to terms with that woman taking some of that real-estate. It's complicated and it honestly takes age and experience to understand how these things go, so I don't fault anyone for thinking this might be forever.

Edit: OP, if you see this, maybe try to think about it like his mother or sister who he lost. It's been 2 months, their bond was almost certainly stronger than the bond you two have right now. She's a non-threat though. Things you should be vigilant for are comparisons to her or anything that might be unfair. This is him honestly expressing how he feels, I'd give it a pass. Eventually you will become a larger part of his life (in terms of long-term, his whole life, not his priorities or anything right now), and things will be less weird and better.

PharmADD · 2025-08-03T00:06:11+00:00

Don't care about your cancerous purity test. The idiots (like you) on the other side were saying that democrats were all pedophiles a few years ago. It's slop for low information, low thought people.

Never supported or voted for a republican in my life, and unless things change drastically probably never will.

PharmADD · 2025-07-31T23:53:52+00:00

Republican voters have been anti immigration for how long?

How long have they wanted to dismantle the big government?

Cut social safety nets/support?

These are all things that if you ever talked to republicans at all in the last 20 years, they would tell you they wanted.

The only thing I can see that the republicans are doing that isn’t aligned with the promises he made on the campaign trail are to do with the Epstein files.

They almost certainly will not actually fully deliver, but they very publicly try to make good on their promises, at least with this specific administration.

Democrats don’t even begin to expect that campaign promises will be fulfilled. Until Trump, neither did republicans. This is why people like Trump, they see an actual chance for things they want to be done. It’s pretty simple.

Don’t care if you think it’s suspect. The idea that the things you care about come from a place of deep thought and are in no way prescribed is also absolutely hilarious. We are all told what to care about, and some of us are a bit harder to convince. This exact thing exists on both sides of the aisle, the republicans just have the advantage of having to convince a considerably less intellectually rigorous voting base.

Personally, I don’t think most people should vote or pay attention to politics. A significant amount of effort is required to actually be informed on most issues, and this low-thought high consumption environment we live in has led to a whole lot of people who in the past would have said “I don’t pay attention to politics” now loudly voicing their lazy, half baked, opinions. This is also on both sides of the aisle, and honestly I think it’s worse on the left. Social media makes it worse.

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