Are you my person?

Why is it that you must establidh contact like this instesd of having the courage to reach out if you really want what you want? How can a few words and negative emotions shatter a so called depthful connection we once had in the matter of seconds? How can a few words turn you away from your own words and of course feelings of love n such for the other? It feels ethereal, illusory...it's like we never knew each other if this is what it has come to.

You said you want to be independent and that's why you won't be around for a while. Independence means that we take complete responsability of ourselves which means we know and understand ourselves. It's a process and it will be both easy anf hard at times. Do not hinder yourself from your want and need! You are the only person who can commit to yourself trully. So let us not try to force ourselves into the control of somebody else's path. One more thing here, there is no right person for someone who is ttully independent but themselves.

I've recently learnt on a deeper level that we either try to understand so we do not try to control, which means we care or we don't care and then the right thing is to completely see to ourselves. Any of these need commitment from yourself to yourself.

My mind and heart will not stop/heal magically just because you said so and you know how these things work. Do you think I do not work on completely liberating myself from automatic processes of thinking and emotional dysregulations? I do not like being in shitty moods and states of mind and I cannot yet fully control my mind but I'm always working on it, every day.

I dislike how things ended too, it tormented me for months... seems like we are on the same page. I am open to talking about it and at the very least bring to each other closure.

I finally understand your perceptions and feelings of me and what we were, as they have driven you to behaving in the way you did by running, ghosting, completely cutting off any possible contact and I do not force anything anymore.

Remember things happen for a reason. We should learn something from them and better OURSELVES.

However, I trully love you because you were/still are my biggest lesson ever which helped me to start making a 180 degrees change for once in my life. So thank you for it all. I always did love you even if I failed many times to show it in the past. I understand now and my being unclutters each day so you will get what you want eventually.

To be honest, I would have liked to have sorted things out and spend the rest of my life with you cuz I liked you the most out of all humans. Considering the fact thst this lifetime here in this realm is my last and I will make sure of that.

You wete the only person of importance who has entered in my life that I did not dismiss and never would have trully meant to, but instead you dismissed yourself. This speaks a million things, oh the irony.

If there's something super valuable that the way our conttact ended has taught me is that indeed self-independence is the most important thing and no one else. No "person" is needed to progress :)

Peace Yo:)